It is nice to get another series done today, even if it is as much of a series as Evil Dead 1, 2 and the 'Ash vs. Jason vs. Freddy' comic are one. It is just a bunch of random films by different directors that set up their own separate and disparate plots. So let's finish up the Zombie series with arguably its crown jewel...
Our story begins with a man returning home from Vietnam as credits scroll by him. That is not what bothers him though. Instead, it is the fact that he finds his wife and some random guy in bed together post-coitus. He kills the man first and, oddly enough, allows the woman to run around for a while and scream. He corners her in their aviary and cuts her throat as well. To make matters worse, we get a couple random cutaways to an older couple returning home. I guess they are the neighbors, as they arrive to see the woman die. Our villain kills both of them too and hides the bodies. He does spare their baby, as it allows for a plot point later. Where do the birds come into play?
*
This happens moments later as one of them attacks our villain and crudely pulls his eye out. They break the first-person perspective for this shot as it would be far too cool to see how they made it adjust. Lazy and underwhelming film style- check. We cut to the present day...of the late 1980s and what is supposed to be a college campus. We get introduced to our male heroes, who have gotten a grant to find some random bird that has not been seen for over 20 years. They take a crew out there, but are also joined by the lead school reporter. In a plot point that is never elaborated on, she was evidently intimate with our lead in the past and wants to be so again. They never say this, mind you. Instead, everyone just acts like it is really awkward to have her around. Hurray?*
They finally get to the old mansion and learn that it looks incredibly worn-down. In a big 'shock reveal,' they meet the owner: Robert Vaughn in really crappy make-up that is supposed to make him look wounded. You see, he was the man in the flashback...even though he looks far too old. This bit of logic is too trivial for our film as well. Anyhow, he leads them on about knowing where the bird is for awhile and they...wander around. This goes on, seriously, for at least five to ten minutes. Actual time is relative when you are watching badly-dubbed, 30-year old 'college students' do errands and stare. You can pretty much ignore everything until we get the pre-requisite weird scene right at the 45-minute mark. Ah, simplistic screenplay writing.
*
Our hero stumbles across the bedroom murder scene which appears to be...exactly the same as it was 20 years ago. Is this an hallucination or bad writing? You decide! At this point, I really lost interest and can only provide a general summary. Our heroes stay the night, but eventually start to get killed. One is lit aflame...by someone and another is cut up in the conveyor belt attached to the generator. Around an hour or so into the movie, we finally get a zombie. Just one though. He pulls one of the women out the back of the truck and slowly pulls her head off. After seeking shelter in the attic, the zombie suddenly gets on the roof in a matter of seconds from being below them before. He kills another one of the 'teens,' leaving our formerly-romantically-involved-maybe couple. Robert Vaughn reappears after being gone for nearly 30 minutes and says that he will face his penance. One badly-inserted shot of birds flocking, a scream and a freeze frame later & we get the credits. Thank God!
*
How do you make zombies utterly boring? By not having them, obviously. The lone undead in the movie looks far more like a mummy and, BTW, they never say who it is supposed to be as far as I could recall. How did they get Robert Vaughn to be in this movie? Was it some kind of hustle? By the way, the girl who gets killed in the truck is also in Witchery, another piece of shit import from Italy that will be reviewed shortly. She is actually much worse in that one. Am I glad that this 'series' is over? Hell yes. Now I can move on to much better series' like The Munchies and, hell, anything else.
*
Who wants a brand new segment? This one is going to cover the crap that I refuse to spoil my Netflix account with. Stay tuned...
This is one of maybe 10 DVDs Ive ever sold in my life. My review would have been "Birds rape peoples faces then they die. The end."
ReplyDelete