Wednesday, August 5, 2009

WTF Japan?!?: Eko Eko Azarak III

I know that you have been waiting patiently for this movie, so...I watched it. Do I have any regrets? Well, you will have to read on to find out for sure. All I will tell you is that the movie has some interesting moments, quite a few dull ones and a plot element straight out of the classic film Staying Alive. If that vague description does not entice you then nothing will. Oh, plus the plot revolves around Cthulhu. Before I say any more, let's jump right into...
This series is a bit confusing to follow, since the second film is a prequel. Of course, it also does not immediately follow the events of the first film. This story does not exactly hinge on your knowledge of previous events, so don't worry about it. Still- stop making the first sequel to films into a prequel. Not cool!
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A mysterious and charred body appears in the street one night and whispers two final words before it dies: Misa Kuroi. This happens to be the name of our heroine and, as plot convenience would have it, Misa's uncle is the coroner who is doing the autopsy. One look at the body allows her to see a spirit inside it. It flies around like crazy before being sent away by Misa's magic. We learn that there was an inter-dimensional parasite in the body. Of course, that makes sense. Our heroine's only shot to solve the mystery of who and why is to go undercover at a high school. Yeah, that worked out so well the last two times. Why not do it again? Also, this uncle character is brand new, but apparently quite important. That's lazy writing for you.
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Within minutes of showing up, Misa joins up with the drama club. They are practicing for a play that appears to be an odd mix of 'A Midsummer's Night Dream' and 'Satan's Alley,' the play from Staying Alive. What kind of High School is this? Oh right, this is Japanese- never mind. The whole thing with the play makes sense in the long run, but still feels very weird. When you consider the movie as a whole, there are a lot of issues. The movie nearly grinds to a halt for nearly 20 minutes as we watch the girls practice and talk about nonsense. Does this create an atmosphere of reality? Yes. Is it boring as all get up? Yes. There is even an ironic line by the Uncle who warns Misa about the play before going to 'camp' (aka lock up practice). "Who would be interested in watching this," he asks. Does he mean the play or the movie?
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Finally, during practice, something actually happens. First, we get a bunch of random dreams. What do they accomplish? Well, they look weird and take up at least five minutes or so. That's good enough, I guess. In the middle of rehearsal, one of the girls goes into trance. This happens while Misa is away taking a phone call from her uncle. She rushes back in and frees the girls from their trances using the time-tested method of 'pimp hand' slapping. They end up in another dimension nonetheless (our heroine is very bad at really helping) and are quickly attacked by weird, hooded monsters. They look a bit like the Blind Dead, but are more like the goblins from Troll 2. Plus, they make the same sounds as the Putties from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Does this inspire any terror? Not really. Even when two girls are killed in a really lazy gore shot that consists solely of one lone blood spray fountain.
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The movie gets interesting in the final act, even if it makes no damn sense. Basically, one of the girls is evil and killing off her co-stars. The movie is built around referencing the play in the story itself, which has something to do with the Elder Gods (yes, they do refer to everyone's favorite squid), demons and an Homunculus. Do not try to really follow it or your head will explode. What you need to know is this: everyone dies (even Misa) save for one girl and the evil witch. Both of them are Homunculuses(i), the latter of which has not gained human emotions, while the other one has. The whole thing is a demonic plan to turn a puppet (Homunculus) into a real boy (human with a soul)- this is all Pinocchio! Oh, and the ceremony stopped by Misa was a fake. The real one was the one done in practice where they chanted and kissed a tree. To review: you summon the evil Yog Soto by chanting and kissing a tree. All of this climaxes with Misa battling the evil girl in a special effects extravaganza...of sorts and both of them vanish. The girl reappears as the burned-up corpse, thus completing the framing device. The good girl awakens from the coma that the battle put her in as Misa wanders off to solve a new case.
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Wow, that was an ordeal. The pacing was all over the place! Nothing happens, nothing happens and then, holy crap! The acting is not that great, although the villainous girl is at least entertaining. One curious thing is that Misa stays in the same outfit for 90% of the movie- why? Do they think that we will get her mixed up with someone else? Also, there is a lesbian sub-plot that is brought up and completely abandoned. What's up with that? The gore in the movie is alright, but understated a lot. I'm sorry, I used the wrong word. The gore in the movie is really lazy and low-budget- that's better. On the plus side, I was not falling asleep during the movie like I was during Eko Eko Azarack II. That's really the most you are going to get out of me.
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Let's stick with the Asian theme, but get a bit more interesting. What do you get when you combine a martial artist, the English language and a rapper? Find out. Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. Send me a tape of the final act and I will piece together the rest of the plot from there ;)

    ReplyDelete