Some movies are not made to be re-discovered. In spite of this, lazy DVD producing companies unearth every damn movie ever made, pick the worst VHS transfer available and toss it into a multi-movie set for $5. How else would we get such classics as Carthage in Flames or Mission: Bloody Mary? This is how I found today's movie, a lost film from Italy's voyage into utterly ripping off Mad Max. It is...
The film begins with a really slow introduction of our leads. One of them has to take a long plane ride out to an awaiting boat. The duo we get is a little curious: one of them is a middle-aged white man and the other is a young black man. Who are they exactly- Joe Biden and Barack Obama?!? They are going to work as protectors of some scientists who work on an oil platform. You cannot work anywhere else guys? I hear there is a lovely lab on the precipice of a volcano. I'm sure that nothing bad will happen out here. Oh, I'm being told that I am wrong.
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As if to prove me wrong (and to have a movie) the lost island of Atlantis rises again. I'm sorry, I should be more accurate. A large bubble-shaped toy pops out of a bathtub and they just call it Atlantis. A tiny little doorway pops off of the giant dome surrounding the model...I mean, city and, for some reason, people in biker outfits ride out in make-shift motorcycles. Should I ask why they are dressed in post-apocalyptic clothing and use their vehicles? Wait, I think I figured it out. It's like that because it is after the apocalypse that beset their civilization. Of course, if that were true, how did they afford the dome and the technology to raise themselves again? The obvious answer is that there were left over props from Warriors of the Wasteland, so we had a movie!
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The plot gets really simple from here. A bunch of people head to land and try to avoid being killed by the Atlantean bikers. Incidentally, the 'Humungus' character is played by a man wearing what appears to be the Crystal Skull for a helmet. Of course, in reality, it is one of those plastic molds packed with rubber masks to keep them in shape. That or they melted down the see-through armor from Warriors into a helmet. Lots of action scenes take place, including plenty of shooting, explosions and a couple decapitations. I'll give it one thing: it's not boring. It is badly-dubbed and has almost no plot other than 'let's run this way' or 'I'll stay here so I can get killed.' Atlantis is also rife with really, really dated fashion, including the classic super-tiny striped shirt that perpetuate every Italian film in this era. Please tell me that this film has more plot to give us than this!
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Oh goody, they decide to change locations. They now decide to take the fight the bastards at their own game. They head into Atlantis, which appears to be a generic jungle setting. Way to dash my hopes, movie! On the plus side, we get, wait for it, more shooting. Lots and lots of shooting takes place in this part. The movie does not skimp on killing off important characters as well, although they leave our two leads alive until the end. Once they get to the Atlantean home-base, it gets a little trippy. The Council consists of a bunch of Phantom Zone-like heads on a wall talking to a woman right out of Bow Wow Wow. The whole thing wraps up pretty neatly and involves, you guessed it, a lot more shooting. If you are an NRA nut, this is your freaking Nirvana. Did we learn anything? No, not really. The End.
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The movie is silly, direct and pretty dumb. I don't know what inspired the idea of Atlantis rising again and trying to get revenge. Maybe this is all just a follow-up to Godzilla vs. Megalon, where undersea dwellers send a giant cockroach to destroy us for being too noisy. Except, this time they do it for...wait, why do they do it? I'm sure they say at some point, but I couldn't hear it over the explosions. This movie is just a pretense to string together bad shootouts and unconvincing explosion reactions. You could make a drinking game out of dramatic leaping away from explosions on a delay. If you can find a copy of this movie, you may have a good time. Just leave your brain in that conveniently-shaped plastic jar.
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I don't know how to dress this one up, so here it is: bugs that shoot fire. Stay tuned...
Great review Tim. This was definitely one of Deodato's most brainless, yet fun movies on his resume. It reminded me a lot of the awful DOOMSDAY from a couple years ago.
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