Screenplays are often composed of a series of events that take a suspension of disbelief to accept. Other times, the movie is just so completely stupid (Wild Zero, a common whipping boy), bizarre (Starcrash, another one) or nonsensical (Please Don't Eat My Mother) that you just have to raise your hands in surrender. Occasionally, these movies are so ridiculous that they reach a Nirvana-like level of being so crazy and stupid that they are great. Such is the case with today's movie, a little gem of the direct-to-video market. With stars like Erika Eleniak (of Dracula 3000 fame) and Ron Perlman (or Ice Pirates fame), how could this go wrong? Find out in my review of...
Shakedown (2002)
Sadly, this movie neglects the opportunity to use the Bob Seger song that shares the same name. I'm just saying...
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The story begins a woman (Eleniak) going to a rundown apartment building. Her son is a part of a gang that is up to no good. Unfortunately, her plan of showing up and back-talking to the armed thugs backfires and she is forced to help out in a robbery. We cut to the bank where said robbery will occur, but there is a problem: the FBI is there. Why? There is a crazed militia leader that is going to show up and steal a bio-weapon that a scientist keeps in a safe deposit box. Of course, that makes so much sense. The group shows up, as does the group of Compton thugs. A shoot-out begins, with Eleniak and a couple of other innocents stuck in the middle. What is the most logical thing that can happen?
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A giant, f-ing earthquake! Oh, hell yeah!*
The joy of this effects frenzy is ruined by the quick realization of Deja Vu. These effects shots sure do look familiar. Also, why do the wrecked cars appear to be right out of 1973 when the movie came out in 2002? The answer is simple and very, very sad: they are stolen shots from the classic '70s film Earthquake. No, really. They sprinkle in some new F/X shots of falling debris, but it is not good. If you ever wanted to see Poser rocks/beams fall towards people and then make them disappear, this is your movie. Everyone gets trapped inside the building, but still cannot get along. Lots of shooting and shouting takes place. Oh and our hero (the lead FBI agent) slowly turns into a cross between John McClane and Inspector Tequila.*
The movie devolves into action cliches aplenty at this point. Just take your pick, really. Erika gets caught by Perlman and pretty much does nothing. Our hero runs around, shouts and shoots a lot. His clothing gets worn down to a wife-beater and he even slides down a railing and shoots. Debris gets shot off of random objects as well, so that cliche is fulfilled too. Oh and there is a whole sub-plot involving the government sending some bombers to destroy the building due to the bio-weapon being in there. To review: they want to create a giant cloud of smoke to stop the spread of a virus. With a ticking clock- and more random, falling debris- how will our hero succeed? In my favorite moment, the macho hero has a free shot at Perlman- who is killing random hostages for no reason- and shoots him...in the shoulder. What is your damn problem, moron?
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Is this movie good? Obviously not. Is it clever? Again, no. Is it so completely ridiculous that you just have to smile and laugh? Hell yeah. Perlman is so randomly-amusing and everyone else is just so stagnant. When you cast a man named 'Wolf Larson' as your lead, you get what is coming to you. To make things all the sillier, the DVD actually comes with a commentary track by the writer and director. Do they acknowledge the silly effects shots they stole? Yep. Unlike the makers of Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings, they embrace your laughter. You should embrace this movie, even if you are laughing behind its back.
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What happens when you cast the stars of Wolf Lake, Point Men and Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow in one film? One word: touche! Stay tuned...
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