Video Nasty: The House by the Cemetery

Despite Mr. Fulci's attempts to silence me from beyond the grave by crashing my monitor, I am still here...dammit. Today, I bring you another one of his films from the 'B Catalog' (the 'A' being Zombi, The Beyond, etc.). It is a little film about a family moving into a new house and something going terribly wrong inside- stop me if you've heard this one before. In fairness, this movie does have a couple plot twists that other genre pieces like this do not. Also, to be fair, most of them make no damn sense. Well, before I lose visual again, let's jump right into...

The House by the Cemetery

Our story begins with a strange bit involving a couple wandering into a house for some nookie. The guy goes to fetch some water when he bites the dust. The girl goes looking and gets a knife through the head. She is subsequently dragged off by an unseen killer. Pointless death and mystery- this is how you start a Fulci film! We jump several months and show a couple looking into buying a new house in New England. The first odd thing is that it was previously owned by a colleague of the man who committed suicide after killing his mistress. Note that this is NOT the couple from before. This house is a bigger killing field than the actual Killing Fields! So, in spite of this, they are going to stay in the house for six months while the man finishes his thesis on old houses. Cue the killing!

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Not so fast, we have a lot more character development and foreshadowing to do! First, we get lots of scenes of the people cleaning up and finding weird things in the house. Next, we get the babysitter who just sort of shows up. No, it's not Mary Poppins- although, that would have been a great addition. We also get some weird foreshadowing involving a mysterious girl appearing to the boy. Can we do one ghost movie about a house without this?!? Oh and they also discover a burial crypt built into the living room floor. You know, the usual stuff. By the way, the lady's name on the crypt is- I'm not kidding- Jacob Freudstein. What- did you think that the name Bela Jungula was too silly? There is also back-story involving the colleague investigating disappearances in the area, which is not part of his research. By the way, don't go in the attic.

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The attic proves to be the real danger of the house. Fortunately, someone has bolted the door in place. Oh wait, the babysitter opens it up. The door also manages to be a really silly and ridiculous plot device. The babysitter goes down there, but is attacked by a mysterious man. She flees up the stairs, but the door is suddenly super-locked and cannot be opened. The real estate lady is killed by a mysterious corpse's arm coming from the crypt as well. Just to note, the door opened and closed easily in an earlier scene where a bat attacked the father. Also note how obscenely- and oddly- bloody that scene is. It's like they said 'we need a lot of blood, so put it all in here!' They go into the attic later and discover the babysitter's head! On the plus side, you don't have to pay her.

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I am going to spoil the ending here. I do so because it is interesting, but makes zero sense. You have been forewarned.

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The father goes away looking for more information. He eventually drives really far away to where Dr. Freudstein (heh heh) is supposedly-buried. He gets there right before closing, only to be told that his doctor is in another graveyard. Cue the rush back home. As he does that, the mother and son investigate the basement again. Somehow, the dad gets back in time...to join them down there as the monster reveals itself. As it turns out, Dr. Freudstein had done some morbid experiments and made himself into an immortal monster that lived in the basement. Of course, I should have known! The dad attacks him with a knife, only for his wound to reveal some lovely maggots that slip out. Turnabout is fair play as the monster stabs the dad. The mom and kid try to run away and escape through the small hole in the crypt...instead of the door. After a really extended sequence, the kid escapes and the mom is killed. The kid gets through and...ends up in the past with the girl from earlier and a living Mrs. Freudstein.

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Hey, don't look at me, I did not write it.

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Yeah, I don't know what to say about this movie. Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, there are tons of scenes that just run really long for no clear reason. On top of that, the monster is not ever really explained all that clearly. Plus, why is there the whole thing with ghosts? Is it a zombie movie, a slasher film or a ghost film? This is truly a gumbo of cinema, but is it actually good? Well, unlike Baby, it does have more moments and has a somewhat-sustained pace. It is not on par with Fulci's better work, but it definitely is at least worth a look for curious horror fans. I cannot guarantee that you will like it, but it is certainly interesting.

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Up next, a pair of movies that made my eyes bug out. This is no joke, people. Stay tuned...

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EDIT: I'm sorry for another delay. Yesterday did not end up with enough time. I hope the next review makes up for it.