Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Mondonesia: Dangerous Seductress

It has been a while since I reviewed a Mondo Macabro movie. Like with the Fulci films, I almost felt like I was over-exposing them. Plus, I had this weird mental gaffe where I completely forget about doing them. Either way, they are back. Up first is a movie made in Indonesia, but filmed entirely in English. Is it an awkward experience? Yes. Is the movie completely insane? A big Yes. The movie is chock full of the stuff that I love, but is it a solid experience? Find out in my review of...
The film begins with a dangerous police chase through the streets of an Indonesian city. A bunch of criminals have stolen some random jewelry. After a few minutes of this, a car crashes and one of the man's fingers flies off. More importantly, the mysterious ring on said finger flies off. The ground sucks the object up and we get to meet our main villain: a mysterious witch. She was buried underground and her body torn apart. Using the power of the ring, she is able to bring part of her body together, but she is still rooted to the ground. She needs some blood to complete the spell and gain her freedom- but where will she get that from? The film cuts...a woman being abused by her boyfriend- lovely. Also the woman is a bottle blond and this is supposed to be in Los Angeles, although all we ever see is the inside of a building. She eventually gets away and calls her sister, who just happens to be a model over in, wait for it, Indonesia. Road trip!
The young lady settles in pretty quickly, ending up in her sister's lovely mansion. Unfortunately, her sister has to go off for a few days to do a fashion shoot. She gets left behind in the big house by herself, with only her sister's fiancee to keep her company occasionally. The good news is that she discovers some lovely reading material: a big book of black magic. Faster than you can say 'easy plot device,' the witch takes over the young woman and transforms her into the titular character. One fashion montage and one slutty cocktail dress later and she is out on the town. She gets all the Indonesian men all hot and bothered. She goes home with one Australian man (by the way, the movie is full of these guys) after causing another man to crash his car when he tries to follow them. After a long bit of teasing and undressing, she shoots with a harpoon gun (apparently all house boats have one) and kills him. The witch appears in a mirror and sucks all the blood the woman gains through it. It only gets better.
The movie sort of coasts for a while on two scenarios: the girl kills some man and the sister gets visited by a mysterious woman. All of the foreshadowing for the finale is done by the woman who just appears and disappears at random. She never just says 'your sister is possessed by a demon- go home!' Way to helpful, you damn apparition! Meanwhile, the girl kills more men, including three in one scene set in a meat plant. Go for the high score! She gives more blood to the witch, while a detective investigates the whole thing. Unfortunately, he meets his end at the end of the witch's magic- so much for that plot thread. The sister eventually comes home and ends up battling her sister. Thanks to the help of a mysterious mystic that looks like a cross between Bobby McFerrin and Mr. T. We get a super overload of special effects (read: light flashes and overlays) before the big, bombastic finale. All in all, a very weird experience.
This movie is really, really weird. If you just stop to analyze the whole thing, the weirdness is only magnified. This is an Indonesian production, featuring many people from the country, a pair of blond models, that weird black guy and a future WWE Diva Search Contestant. This is China Strike Force all over again! Thankfully, this film does not feature Coolio in any way. It does have one of the weirdest Netflix description captions of all time though- 'This campy horror flick features the special-effects makeup artistry of Steve Prouty, the master behind such films as The Cat in the Hat and the live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas.' Really- that's the best you can do? I guess that will have to do.
Up next, a tale of love, betrayal and...a Golem? Stay tuned...

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