Saturday, June 3, 2017

Triple B Flix: Savage Beach (1989)

More Playboy Models, more Plot and way more Twists!  Today's Film is Savage Beach, arguably the most famous of Sidaris' Films.  It is the only one that gets an in-name Sequel, so it must be the best!  I see no flaw in that logic.  Beach continues the tale of our Heroines, although excises random Characters for no good reason.  In their place, more Playboy Models.  How did they manage to book the future Star of Talk Dirty to Me 14, The Gangbang 2000 and Predator 2!  Another one of them was in Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance.  Is that better or worse than being in Buttman at Nudes a Poppin 6- you decide!  In addition, people who played dead Characters are no playing not-dead ones.  For example, the villain of Picasso Trigger is now playing a good guy.  In addition, the guy who is a bad guy in all of these a bad guy in this Film.  Yea.  The Plot is an odd bunch of espionage and random coincidences.  People are looking for gold that Japan stole from The Philippines during WWII.  The Americans want it, but so do the Philippine people- mostly just to fund a junta.  As luck would have it, our Heroines' plane crashes and you'll never guess what is on the Island where they crash!  Keep an eye out for boobs, bullets, boobs and, well, more boobs.  To find out how this next entry turned out, read on...
The ladies of LETHAL stop some random people smuggling drugs.  They survive this...naturally.
The whole scheme involves long-stolen gold, a fake Air Force Man, a scheming Tech Guy and a Filipino man who has his hands in all of this.
As luck would have it, the guy who sent the gold away is alive.  Time to tell us...very little.

Oh and the guy in the middle is in SO MUCH STUFF that you get to play the 'Where DO I Know Him From?' Game.
Our Heroines deliver some medicine, only to get lost in the ensuing Storm.  After a quick flash of their tits- why not?-, they find land...which proves to be fateful.
Those Japanese lads are replaced by these guys- Al Leong!!!- and confuse things all the more, as they work for the Filipino man...but also against him...or something.  You'll see.
After being stalked by a Japanese Soldier- more on him later- they get caught by the Americans (and Filipino man), who later find the gold.

They are betrayed by the Filipino guy...who is then betrayed by his own men, since they don't want the gold to fund his junta.  Did you follow all that?
The Japanese Soldier intercedes and helps save the day, leading to the eventual death of the Filipino man's former-Henchmen and the man himself- after another exploding Crossbow Bolt.

He does this by...throwing a Machete 20 feet and killing this guy!!!
The Soldier is wounded and exposits his backstory.  Basically, the Boat was lost and the Soldiers killed some American Soldiers who washed ashore.  The other 2 killed themselves.

Oh and one of those dead Americans is one of Heroine's Grandfathers.  What a coincidence!
After all that death and sudden backstory, they wrap things up at the Restaurant and celebrate our Heroine stealing loot- again! 

Oh and the fake Air Force Man is from the CIA.  The End.
Dumb, dumb stuff.  These are not Film Classics.  You will not see them on TCM- not even After Dark!  This one is a bit odd as it crams so much random Plot into what is an otherwise simple Story.  So much unnecessary nonsense is just there to make it seem like there is more Plot.  For example, the two Japanese guys are there to get exposition and some redundant information before being killed & replaced.  Why did they have to be replaced?  At best, it just gives Filipino Man's Henchman- and later betrayers- the island location.  He couldn't have slipped that to them in some other way?!?  The biggest issue is they just put too many 'players' into the final scenario.  We get our Heroines, the Americans, that Japanese Soldier, the guy from the Philippines AND the other guys who used to work for him.  It doesn't 'ruin' the Story, but it is just unnecessary.  Considering that Sidaris likes to do that- see Picasso Trigger faking his death TWICE in one Film-, I guess I just have to get used to it.  One thing I won't have to get used to is Pattycakes, who exits this Franchise in this Film.  Bye...I think Brunette lady with big boobs.  You'll be...missed?  We also don't get the continuation of Real Spy who sold his Story Rights to play himself in a fake Film that is also real...but now it is his Cousin or something (unless new buff guy is supposed to be him).  Darn?  It has more Plot, but still feels just as silly as the other Films.  There's no way to go but...about the same level with these.  Right, Director?
Next time, another bit of big, busty nonsense.  With a name like Guns, it must  Stay tuned...

No comments:

Post a Comment