Thursday, June 22, 2017

Triple B Flix: Do or Die (1991)

Continuity is important...until it isn't.  Today's Film is Do or Die, the Andy Sidaris Film for 1991.  It is another in the series of Films about the Agents of LETHAL.  Mind you, those Agents kind of come and go throughout the Films- plus some just become different people.  This Film Series is all about Continuity, even though they've killed the same people at least 4 different times by now.  Those dead Japanese Envoys from Savage Beach- they're now Ninjas.  That lady Patticakes (who was a Cowboy Dancer/Spy) is gone...but someone exactly the same is now there.  Remember when the titular bad guy from Picasso Trigger was suddenly a good Agent?  So noting all of that, here's the biggest one- Erik Estrada is now playing a good guy.  Those Agents he was trying to kill in Guns are now his teammates and nobody seems to notice that he's the twin of a VILLAIN.  Do I take these too seriously?  The Plot of this is the prototype version of 12 Rounds, only even lazier and sillier.  Just like last time, some crime boss wants to kill them & plans to send 6 teams of assassins to try and kill them.  He'll be sporting though- they will go one-at-a-time.  The flimsy Plot is just there to tie the Action Scenes together- joy.  To find out how this silliness turns out, read on...
While a luau is going on, Pat Morita shows up.  Did he stop by on his trip back from Japan?
He wants to kill our two Leads for messing with his criminal empire (in what Film?), puts a tracker on Donna and explains the basic rules.
He's going to send 6 Teams to kill them within 24 hours.  While they call LETHAL for help, he enjoys these graphics that he set up for his 'game.'
After getting help from the Agents- which now includes Estrada!- and killing a few of the villains, they find time to have sex at inopportune times.

Seriously, this Film goes full 'Skinemax' as each lady Agent pairs off with an Agent to randomly bump uglies.  Wow.
The Assassins try all sorts of different ways to kill them.  Some use Helicopters, while others use guns.  These guys try to poison them with catfish.  More on that later.

Oh and these are the same Characters that were obsessed with using Technology to kill people from Guns.  Yea.
Here's something to ruin your day.  Morita gets a massage from his lady Assistant and they imply that she's about to give him a happy ending.  Have fun with that visual.
To cleanse your palette, here's something completely ridiculous...

To kill one of the Assassins, Estrada corners him in the Woods.  Instead of shooting him, he throws a series of baseballs at him (3, to be exact).  The 4th one is actually an explosive, which the man obliges by swinging his shotgun like a bat.

Think about the logistics of that, won't you?
It all comes down to Kane's final duo- the previously dead Japanese guys mentioned before.  After a bit of awkward kung-fu/karate (can you tell the difference in this case?), they just blow them up with a toy helicopter's missiles.  No, really.

To end this on a real anti-climax...
They don't go after Kane.  Instead, they just reveal that the lady with him is on their side now.  The (for real) End.
More of the same, for the most part.  Do or Die doesn't really do much that's different.  More explosions, more big boobs and more shooting.  That is the basic formula of all of these Films, to be fair.  In this case, they make a pretty basic Plot to just do everything they want to.  On the plus side, he's moved past almost always being in Hawaii.  He seemed to almost feel obligated to start there by this point.  What I would say as a general critique is that the Stories tend to work better when the Characters are pro-active.  In this case, they get challenged and spend the whole Movie just running from bad guys.  On top of that, they are too dumb to even think about checking the watch with the obvious tracking device.  I haven't worn a watch in years, but wouldn't you notice a big piece of plastic stuck to the bottom of it while you were wearing it for going on 2 days straight?  That's too much logic for a Sidaris Film.  All in all, the Film has some genuinely-goofy moments, but also devolves into Cinemax Softcore titillation a bit too much.  It appears that that the Restaurant has changed Owners again...
Next time, I try to work through the back-log of Films lying around.  It has to be Japanese, right?  Stay tuned...

No comments:

Post a Comment