Monday, March 6, 2017

'00s Crap: This Darkness- The Vampire Virus

Yea, more of this crap.  As a bonus, it was Filmed and Set in my Home State!  Dammit.  Today's Film is The, This Darkness: The Vampire Virus, a 2003 Horror Film that I've never heard of before this Set.  For some reason, it has a different Title on the DVD Case itself.  Go figure!  The Story involves Vampires approaching a new Dr. Van Helsing for his Blood Virus Experiments.  On the plus side, it isn't just a tweaked Dracula Remake.  It was Directed by Dylan O'Leary, the Writer, Producer and Star of the Film to boot!  Most of these Actors have no other IMDB Credits of note- save for one them apparently being a Cinematographer for a Film in 2011.  That's not a good sign, right?  Is this going to be good?  No.  Is it going to be worse than The Vulture's Eye or Vampire Stakes?  To find out, read on...
After shots of people shouting 'Spring Break 2000,' a townie in Pensacola is killed by Vampires in a Bathroom...and his body is apparently eaten.

I hope you enjoy the about 45 minutes.
Dr. Van Helsing apparently made some sort of breakthrough with Blood Research a few years ago and now works for some sort of CIA Experiment or something.

I'm sure he gets it- he wrote this Film!
He is working with some new Lady Scientist named Mary, while a mysterious woman keeps showing up and wanting to talk to him.
When he's told that he has to hurry up and get some clear answers on his Research.  Following that bit, he...goes to train with Karate Instructor.  'Comedy' ensues.

No, really.
A Vampire kills this guy in the Ocean while he's out Surfing.  Do I even want to think about the logistics of this?

An FBI Agent (see Almost Heroes) shows up and just happens to have a PhD in Biochemistry.  Do I want to think about the logistics of that?

This Billy Ray Cyrus guy is the Lead Vampire, who explains that Van Helsing's research 3 years ago created more Vampires and that he needs him to stop doing his Research into the Virus.

How am I supposed to be scared of this guy again?
After words don't scare Van Helsing, Not Dracula decides to 'fridge' the two ladies that live with him.

Stay classy, Film!
Ultimately, our Hero manages to team up with his Karate Instructor, the Brother of the guy killed in the Intro (see- I told you there was pay-off!) and the FBI Agent.

Despite looking more like Dante Hicks than Blade, he wins the day...but everyone is dead.  The (happy?) end.
Damn bad.  Damn silly.  Damn pretentious.  Damn cheap.  Damn damn damn!  This no-Budget Horror Film tries to wear its cheapness like a badge.  To be fair to them, some effects are kind of decent (like the heads on the trays bit).  Some of the make-up is pretty neat at times too.  None of it is mind-blowing or even that great- just passable.  Now to the bad stuff.  The opening Scene is decent enough as some POV Vampires (and one with a Swastika painted on his chest) kill two ladies and a girl, one of the former of which just happens to be in the Show (naturally).  It is a Flash Forward- yes.  About forty-five minutes or so later, we cut to when it actually happens.  While they give us a truncated Version of the bit, you did show me the same Scene basically twice- yea.  On top of that, we get that random bit in the Bathroom, a prolonged Scene in a bar, the Surfer bit and a random bit of Drama involving one of our Supporting Players trying to play Drums in a Band- thrilling!  Weird filler aside, our Hero is kind of a dick and not that relatable.  On the plus side, there's a Rasta-like Scientist with a Tye-Dye Lab Coat named Bob.  Whether it is The Darkness or This Darkness, it is just not good.  I applaud people for trying to make these No-Budget Horror Films, but you still have to be good.  This one isn't.  Speaking of not good, how is that new Desk working out, Steve?
Next up,a break from this Vampire crap.  Instead of that, some...hopefully not crap Vampire stuff.  Stay tuned...

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