Sunday, April 27, 2014

Indy Crap: Nosferatu vs Father Pipecock and Sister Funk

To quote Jason Alexander quoting Woody Allen quoting Groucho Marx, 'I would never join any Club that would have me as a Member.'  Today's film is...ugh Nosferatu vs. Father Pipecock and Sister Funk.  Do I even need to say anything about that?  I didn't think so.  This Film was given to me as a special Invite to review.  Much like Parties, it is always nice to be invited...even if you may not want to go.  I did 'go' in this case and lived to regret it.  There's no sense suffering with no reward, so I might as well try to review it.  The Film is brought to you by Tex Watt, although he didn't do all of the work.  As you may have inferred, alot of work was actually done about 100 years ago by a crazy Director who made a great Vampire Film.  Tex's contribution: 'hilarious' re-dubbing, new footage of him and some topless ladies and...well, casual Racism.  You'll see.  This is mostly Nosferatu, only with some new crap to pretty much ruin it.  To see the end result (or as much as I could stand), read on...
Mr. Watt here seems to really like the whole Grindhouse Revival.  He's very subtle about it though, he says sarcastically.

Just to be safe, assume that most of what I say here is done sarcastically...assuming you don't already.
Here's your second Warning Sign: an indication that the New Footage was made by our Director.  Joy.
So yeah, it's Nosferatu...just with terrible Re-Dubbing Shaolin Dolemite-style.  Laugh- laugh damn it!!!
Despite the film being over 90 minutes long (no, really), Watt indulges in alot of Tell, Don't Show.

So, to sum the Film up so far: Ruining a good Movie, not being funny and cutting lots of corners.
Watt's new footage is made up of ladies acting like Vampires (in what appears to be his Living Room) and something that I won't show...
The titular Father is played by Watt in *wait for it* black-face.  I will spare you the visual.

Besides, I think that my Site will end up on some sort of List if I do.  It's better off this way.
I will not waste any more of your time trying to explain this.  Instead, I'll leave you with the Film's best effect. The End.
No, just no.  Seriously, just no.  This Film...this Film is just awful.  It is rude, crude and not funny.  What was the point of this?  Really- I want to know!  Did the Director think that a Film Classic- which is Public Domain now- wasn't complete without dick jokes, fart jokes and black-face.  As a side-note, how did the Film made in the 1920s (when black-face was acceptable) not have it, but the Film made in 2011 (when it is not) does?  That is just...just wow.  For the record, I accepted it in Tropic Thunder, since there was context and it wasn't treated as something good.  Here- it is just played for alleged laughs.  There is nothing good here.  I would like to get Invites/Screeners in the Future, but I would also like them to not suck so bad.  I will leave you with Mr. Watt's Thanks Page that 'Credits' a ton of good Directors (like Peter Weir and John Landis)...that would not endorse this shit...
Up next, an Animated film that combines Wrestling and a talking Dog.  Since WCW didn't have Scooby-Doo win the World Title back in the day, I'll have to settle for this.  Stay tuned...

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