Friday, October 21, 2011

Trilogy of Huh?: Exhumed

It's three for the price of BOO!  Today's film is a 2003 opus called Exhumed.  What's it about?  Zombie,s of course.  There's more going on, however, as this is actually an anthology film.  Of course, all three films are made by the same guy and connect directly, making the anthology aspect...entirely-pointless.  The point of a film like this is to give variety and single stories that have a beginning and an end.  The format kind of screws over that whole thing in favor of something weird.  In a nutshell, the film is all about people trying to bring the dead back to life via the Necronomicon.  Wow, how creative.  The real creativity is thrown into the plot set-ups, as they are pretty unique for the genre.  Are they actually good though?  To find out, read on...
We meet our narrator, Mr. Gray right off the bat.  Oh wait- he's not the Narrator...or the Host.  He just appears here once, rendering his role- say it with me- entirely-pointless.
The film really begins with this first section, which is set in Feudal Japan.  Mind you, it only stars about three people, but that's still something!
After one guy is killed by zombies in the Woods, two other guys meet up to find the source- the Necronomicon.  The problem: one wants to use it, while the other wants to make sure that nobody does just that!
The plot takes an odd twist as the Monk turns evil.  He tries to use the Necronomicon to gain power, but gets killed.  The book is destroyed...or is it?
In the second tale, we are in a Crime Noir tale.  In a twist that's...interesting, I guess, the Detective is a lady.  Feminism?
In a plot that meanders for quite a bit- in spite of being less than thirty minutes- the lady discovers that her simple tail job of a cheating spouse leads to a doctor making zombies with, you guessed it, the Necronomicon.  Good job, Japanese guy!
In a weird twist, our heroine is captured and sees his experiment go down.  The book is used and...the story ends.  Yes, just like that.  Next story...
For the final story, we're in the far future where nuclear war took place.  For some reason, this means that Vampires and Werewolves are fighting now.  No, really.
A repressive government group- made up of the rat people from Rats- captures two of the monsters for an experiment involving, you know it, the Necronomicon.  Yea.
Our two heroines fight for their lives for a bit, before the experiment takes place.  The scientist prepares to use the book when...
...we suddenly jump back to the last film- even being in black-and-white- and wrap up that tale.  No, really.  The End.
Seriously, stop making zombies!  The plot of this movie is, well, three silly and stupid plots.  The first film is slow, random and doesn't really do much.  They have two scenes of plot interaction, fight random zombies with no real gore and then the End happens.  The second plot put me to sleep, as it meanders about for far too long.  Just get the point, short film!  The third one is just goofy and has no purpose.  Vampires and Werewolves just exist apparently and start fighting...only to be captured by the government.  Finally, there is the weird wrap-up ending which could have just gone on, you know, the movie that it connects to.  What is the point of doing it that way?  If you couldn't end the third film, why take away the ending of the second film and just co-opt it?  The bottom line: this cheap movie is just awful.  It sounds like it could be neat, but it's not. If someone with real talent and a budget did it, it could be- this has neither.  Take us away, most obvious reason to turn evil...
Next up, the classic 1995 film that deconstructed the slasher film.  Oh wait- it's actually a 1981 film with the same title!  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I actually wasn't able to make it through the film. I got about five minutes into the "film noir" portion and threw the movie out the window. The girl's acting / voice / everything made me want to burn my eyes and ears.

    Worst 2 dollars I have ever spent.