Our story begins- like most- with a Satanic ceremony. Basically, a bunch of weird guys in robes are going to sacrifice a child to their dark master. Of course, since this is only the introduction, a few of the cultists change their minds and turn against the group. I always feel safe relying upon Satanists to make the right decision! On a side note, Satan must be getting tired of all of these ceremonies turning bad. We cut to the present day where our hero is an aimless adult. He inherits a big house, which looks oddly familiar. Shouldn't 'former residence of Satanists' be on the description for any house on the market? He ends up there with his girlfriend, who apparently thinks that she can change him and get him moving. This always turns out well, doesn't it? Little does he know that one of the men doing the yard work is the same man who helped put a kibosh on the ceremony years ago. Could he be the child from before? Could the power from before show up again? Could this movie telegraph its plot points in a more subtle manner? Nah.
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Slowly but surely, the guy gets drawn in by the ambient power of the house. He does all of this while his girlfriend is away, although she starts to suspect something when his behavior changes and he starts having to wear sunglasses all of the time. Yeah, apparently dark power makes your eyes glow...for some reason. He puts a stop to her complaining by turning her to the dark side as well though and sets up a party for one of her friends. Incidentally, one of them is played by a young and sultry Mariska Hargity (of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit), although it is hard to recognize her in a dress! The group is a motley mix of 80s stock characters, including the stoner guys who ride skateboards, the stuck-up girl(s) and the guy who thinks that he is funny. When the crowd gets restless, our hero decides to pull out the ultimate party game- a magic spell. This goes about as well as it did in The Gate II, but definitely better than in Evilspeak. The spell they cast seems to do nothing, but, of course, a monster or two comes across the void. This time, however, the things are...tiny and cute. Should I be scared, movie?
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The movie tries to stall for time before the monsters show up. The beasts choose to strike Ten Little Indians-style after the group splits up into several smaller ones. One poor guy nearly gets to make out with Mariska, but is cock-blocked by some puppets...I mean, monsters. Seriously, these things are ridiculous and don't look like they could take down a dead mouse! The actors do their best to look freaked out and run around. Things only get worse as the evil cult leader who was killed in the beginning makes his presence known by raising from his grave in the backyard. You guys couldn't have either cremated him or buried him somewhere else? As the film nears its end, they attempt to wrap things up quickly. Our lead actors manage to break out of their spells and rush to save their friends. As if the movie wanted to prove my point from earlier, one guy who looked like he was going to be a victim is seen amongst the fleeing survivors. Way to do your job, ghoulies! Evil is bested and all is well...until the sequels. The End.
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This movie is not good, but you can honestly do worse. Most of the movie is wisely built around the set-up to the big ghoulies attack, since the actual stuff is pretty bad. The leads do a pretty good job at playing remotely-real characters, although the supporting actors could easily be replaced with extras from a Miller Lite commercial! Well, to be fair, Mariska is not bad, although her character has all of the depth of a belly button. The actual monsters just look stupid, to be completely honest with you. You can practically see where the shot is forcibly-framed around the puppeteers' locations. After over twenty years of Sesame Street and The Muppets by this point, couldn't they have done better? You get some pretty lame rear projection work as well, which is just icing on the shit-cake here. Did you expect better though? Fans of silly 80s horror will be able to forgive a lot of this and just embrace the film for all of its non-glory.
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Up next, we take a look at the first sequel in the series. Is it better? Do the ghoulies not suck as much? Did they get the dwarf from Troll to be in it? Stay tuned...
I always think that I like GHOULIES, but then I watch it. The second film is much more fun, and they lend themselves better to Horror comedy over straight Horror
ReplyDeleteYeah, very few things make Ghoulies interesting. Some of the bits with him as the wizard are neat and seeing Marsika Hargitay as an '80s nymphet is as well.
ReplyDeleteOther than that...yeah, it's okay to skip this movie for the most part.