Friday, May 4, 2012

Bad Bites: Howling IV- The Original Nightmare

There's nothing original about you!  This fourth film in the Howling franchise is essentially a Remake of the first film.  To be fair, it is based more closely on the original book than the first film.  Of course, the film thrives in spite of/because of those changes, so this seems a bit silly.  The other thing is that this film also takes liberties with the story from the first book, making me a bit curious.  Why are you the 'strict version' of the story, but you also change things?  It's a bit hypocritical, if you ask me.  This film, like I said, is essentially the same story of the Howling, but with all of the humor cut out, all of the cameos cut out and none of the good effects.  It's practically the 'High School Production' Version of The Howling.  Thanks, Clive Turner!  To cover this film, I'll do more of a highlighting of differences/quirks than anything.  You know this story...kind of.  To find out how much they screwed this up, read on...
* This Writer is traumatized, something.  Yeah, they cut out the famous killer and his entire influence on the plot.

* As a bonus, she has 'visions' of stuff that hasn't happened yet and people she doesn't even know.  Nice!
* Remember when I mentioned Slim Pickens as the Sheriff?  Well, this 'Larry Miller-looking' guy is his replacement.  Yeah, it's NOT the same!
* This lady is the replacement for the weird and exotic hippie lady from The Howling.  She's...a bit more like a bad Eartha Kitt impersonator than anything else.
* You, sir, are not Patrick Macnee.  That is all.
*  The exotic woman seduces our heroine's husband.  Unlike in the Dante version, he clearly starts the whole thing.  Thanks, Pretender douche!
* Eventually, the husband turns into a melting into a puddle of goo.  No, really.  Who.  Wrote.  This.  Crap?!?!?
* I'm sorry, but I can't take any film seriously that things that THIS is scary.  I'll continue writing this film when I'm done laughing!!!
* In place of the awesome partially-Rick Baker creations, we get...wolves (read: dogs) running with a red glare on their eyes.  I'm sad now.
* Our heroine stops the Werewolves by burning down the Church- which they built- after ringing the bell- which they brought over from Bulgaria- and calling them there.

Unfortunately, she just stands around and waits to die.  Dumb-ass.
Yeah, I'll stick with the original.  This movie is just plain bad.  Where do I begin?  Much like Howling V, this film is a 'mystery.'  The problem- there is no mystery.  You could argue that Howling V did this better, even if the culprit is not exactly hard to spot.  In this film, you know that the town is full of Werewolves.  It's a damn Howling film- why wouldn't they be?!?  If you made some of them NOT Werewolves, that would have been a mystery worth the wait.  Second, the acting and Production is not good.  It's not God-awful, but it just feels cheap.  The Howling was over-budget, but made things work.  Hell, they shot the big transformation scene off-set because they ran out of money...and it looks good.  The other major problem- almost no Werewolves.  Aside from random shots, this movie only features a Werewolf about 70 minutes in...and it's for about three seconds.  All of the 'interesting parts' occur in the last twenty minutes.  To be fair, they have ONE good Werewolf, but he just stands around doing nothing.  Plus, it starts out as that goofy 'Wallace and Gromit' face you saw three pictures back.  One more thing- the whole Climax focuses on the Bell and it's power.  Who put it there?  The Werewolves.  It would be like a town of Vampires making a giant Water Tower in the center of the Town full of Garlic-tinted Holy Water!!!  To summarize- no action, no mystery and giant plot-holes.  As a final indignity, see where the film ran out of Wolves/Dogs that look like Wolves...
Next up, one of the most infamous Howling sequels.  Can Writer/Director/Producer/Star Clive Turner redeem his past works?  Stay tuned...


  1. Actually, none of them are wolves. I see one husky and the rest are German Shepards.

    1. At least you could argue that Huskies are part-Wolf. That's being nice though.

      That's what I get for giving them the benefit of the doubt...