Italian Redux: The Church

I like Demons, as well as Demons 2. The movies makes absolutely no sense and exist in some sort of weird reality where all that crazy shit can happen. I still love them. Now you can imagine how I felt when I heard about the crap-storm that was Demons 3: The Ogre. Don't get me wrong- what I saw of the movie was alright, it just wasn't a Demons film. They just figured that any horror film with a monster in it by Lamberto Bava was a film in the series, I guess. Still, it's not the stupidity that is Black Demons. I thought to myself 'Will someone ever make a real Demons 3?' Then I recalled a little film that I had seen and nearly forgotten about. It is fairly obscure, but does feature Asia Argento in an early, pre-nudity role (she was 10 at the time of filming). A lot of the story is different- and borrows from other stories- but the core of it is a Demons film. It is...

The Church

Our story begins with a trip back in time to the age of knights, wenches and bloody murder. A group of Knights Templar are killing innocent villagers just for the fun of it. Seriously Europe, lay off those guys! I know that you are a mostly-Catholic union of countries, but this is getting a bit silly. At least do what tomorrow's American film does and makes them sort of the heroes- they earned it. Sure, the people turn out to be Satanists, but my point is still the same. Anyhow, they dump all the bodies in a large mass grave (dug by the victims, of course), which ends up being the site of a church in present day- only in Europe! A group of High School students end up at this Gothic site, as well as a model doing a fashion shoot. These are, of course, every day events in Italy. Oh and they all get locked in with the other tourists. This should be fun.

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Things start to get weird pretty fast as a mysterious bit of magic turns a couple people into demons. What- it's not any weirder than someone being cut by a mask in a theater lobby. Another strange scene involves the model- who is wearing a wedding dress for the shoot- getting the seams of her dress caught in a door that suddenly slams shut. Meanwhile, somewhere else, a writer gets possessed by a mysterious force and a woman gets haunted by a freaky spirit. We get some nice, bloody deaths as well, since this is by the same guy who directed Cemetery Man. Most of the people act like generic 'characters in peril. One biker couple meet a bloody and violent end as well when the girl gets dropped through a hole and is hanging by her ankle. Unfortunately, the Church is built above a subway tunnel- what the hell?!? She gets mowed down. Of course, nothing compares to one of the freakiest scenes of all time...

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As Asia and another survivor explore the tunnels and walk by a freaky site. A naked woman is laying a stone tablet while a super-detailed goat demon has sex with her. He has giant bat wings, a giant head and super sharp nails. It really gives it to her. Naturally, the duo walks right by this site, says nothing and moves on. How can you not say anything about that?!? Check it out here. It is in the first minute of the scene.

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This movie is good, but very, very strange. The whole thing is about people trapped in a Church that is controlled by an anachronistic clockwork locking mechanism. I won't spoil the ending for you, since I actually like this movie. It has gore, crazy monsters and demon rape. As a bonus, it has a soundtrack by Goblin. What else can you people ask for? Logical plotting and follow-through with all of the story elements. Damned Erudite!

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Up next, a film about Satanism, Israel and the star of Delta Force? Stay tuned...