Moviestopped: Grizzly Park (2008)

Threat #1: Bears.  Today's Film is Grizzly Park, a Film I normally wouldn't care much about, but I got it for basically free as part of a 4-movie pack from Moviestop.  I miss you already!  The Plot is pretty basic: annoying people go in the Woods and die.  There's a bit more to it- although not much.  This has the grab bag of Film Character Cliches- from the Racist White Guy to the Preppy Girl to the Token Black Guy.  You know it is bad when the Black Guy replies to his name being called with 'In the house' and the Hispanic Girl answers 'Hola.'  I feel like they missed an opportunity to somehow show Night of the Living Dead here to complete Low-Budget Horror Movie Bingo!  To go more in-depth, the Plot involves some annoying people going out in a National Park as part of their criminal punishment.  The problem: a killer bear and a killer, well, killer are out there.  Who will live?  Who will die?  Will Ron Howard's Dad have more than a Cameo?  To find out, read on...

A Killer is on the loose.  He takes out a Department of Corrections Officer and...disguises himself as him...without cleaning off the blood on his shirt.  You is smart.

I should also note that the Film actually begins by (sort of) quoting II Kings 2:23-24.  Why?

We next meet our Cast and boy...do they exist...to annoy me.

On the plus side, Rance Howard shows up for 45 seconds.

This is Ranger Bob.  He's in charge of taking them out into the Woods as part of this punishment.

Just to repeat: he's taking people into the Woods...with all of the Animals...during the time when Bears are apparently gorging themselves.  Who approved this program again?

This is our Dumb Girl.  She confuses a Skunk for a Dog.  Remember this later.

About that whole Killer in the Woods thing?  That's over with pretty quick, as the Bear gets him.

Two of the gang split off to prove that they know the way better.  This works out great!

After wasting alot more time, the Ranger goes looking for the pair and the body count suddenly escalates, with more than half of the Cast getting killed in 10 minutes!  Holy pacing, Batman!

The Dumb Girl is revealed to be actually smart (and evil) after everyone dies.  So was that part with the skunk a trick (even though she was alone)?

Oh well- she dies.

As it turns out, Ranger Bob is evil...or something and he can see us.  The End.

Bears.  They are good.  This Movie is not.  It is pretty predictable and there's really no good surprises.  Hell, it isn't even much of a surprise that Dumb Girl is smart- it has been done 1,000,000 times by now (or 2008).  The reveal that Bob is the bad guy (or Hero, depending on your point of view) is not that surprising, but it does raise questions.  Was he directing the Bear?  Did the Bear kill some of them without his direction?  Did he also direct that Wolf that killed Asian Girl?  What is his motivation here?  I suppose none of that matters.  After all, this is just a Film and I'm kind of a dick for getting hung up on details.  Why should I expect logic here?  A man wears a shirt covered in blood and nobody bats an eye.  People are sent to the Woods to clean up trash.  A man snuck up there with a bear suit.  A girl packed a gun this whole time and it NEVER affects the Plot.  Racist White Guy becomes Stoner Guy...even though there's no way he snuck those Drugs up.  A bear can decapitate you with a single swing.  Bears don't smell and can sneak up on people.  Here's a random fact for you: Whitney Cummings plays a News Reporter at the End.  I hope that helps. Grizzly Park is very predictable, mostly-annoying and just plain 'meh.'  It does feature some less-than-convincing prosthetics though...

Up next, more randomness from the same Disc.  Three more to go- joy!  Stay tuned...