Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Syfy Crap: Poseidon Rex

There's nothing like some silly crap to clean my cinematic palette.  After a couple of Films that might be controversial, let me do something that won't be.  Today's Film is Poseidon Rex, a Film that really speaks for itself.  It tells you 'I am a stupid bit of Monster crap.'  It is.  All you need to know- save for the Title- is that Brian Krause is the Star.  Nothing against him personally, but Mr. Krause is in alot of these things.  He was in Loch Ness Terror, so...point made.  So what is the Film about?  It is about an aquatic T-Rex creature.  I'll give you a moment to stop laughing.  Done?  Good.  I could tell you that this Film is more than just a silly Creature-Feature...but that is a lie.  It is exactly what it sounds like.  To find out more, read on...
Some folks are looking for buried treasure out near the Island of Do You Really Care Which One It Is?  Sounds simple enough.
Unfortunately, they are not alone in these waters.  There's a....well, that.
Just soak that in, folks.  It is a T-Rex-like creature that swims.  Look at how little water it disturbs.
One of the Divers- Krause- survives to tell these vacationers and their guide.  Why not look for the treasure too?
They find an egg on their next trip, so of course it hatches...so they can rip off Piranha (original).
Speaking of repetition, they use the same shot of the titular creature swimming up to the surface of the water at least 3 times.  Yes, I did make a Picture of it.
After the 'oh shit' moment from my latest 'Deep Blue Sea' Moment, they are now stuck alone with it.

I should also note that they avoid having to pay Extras for a big chase by just saying that they left.
They manage to call the Military through a pretty silly way (which I won't SPOIL), but can they help?
As much as I want to show you the silly F/X of the Finale, I won't.  Enjoy this instead.  The End.
It is exactly what you think it is.  Is that good or bad?  That's really up to you.  I watch this kind of crap all the time, so I clearly don't hate it.  I look forward to seeing what kind of crap Syfy will run on Saturday nights- be it Robo-croc or The 12 Disasters of Christmas.  I'm actually disappointed when they run nicer stuff they bought like The Matrix Films or...Robin Hood.  So this is a pretty simple Film.  Monster shows up, Monster chases people and Monster dies.  Nothing more, nothing less.  So that's the bad part.  This Film does nothing special and doesn't really feel special.  Furthermore, the Film doesn't even reach 90 minutes- with Credits.  That says it all, doesn't it?  They did the bare minimum they could here and still didn't quite make a normal Film.  That said, it is not worthless.  It is simple, stupid fun.  Hey look, they even found the time to rip off Jurassic Park too.
Next up, a trippy bit of 70s Trash with an 80s Star.  Satan is at it again, with Magnum in his crosshairs.  Stay tuned...

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