Monday, November 18, 2013

Project Terrible: Zombie Massacre (aka Apocalypse Z)

Well, it's not the worst Uwe Boll film I've watched.  Granted- he's only a Producer here.  Even so, I wanted to at least say one good thing about the movie in this review.  Is that out of the way now?  Good.  Today's film is Zombie Massacre aka Apocalypse Z (in Europe).  Guess what it's about.  That's right- Soldiers trying to escape from an Atom Bomb (we still use those?).  Oh and there are Zombies too.  The plot involves a government cover-up, a Covert Ops mission and a bunch of the 'sort-of' undead.  This is one of those 'science makes zombies' movies.  It's also one of those really dumb, mindless movies too.  Yes, it has no braaaains.  If everyone else makes that joke, why shouldn't I?  The film is as stock and silly as it gets.  Is it Terrible though?  To find out, you'll have to read on...
The film begins with a mysterious rain cloud transforming some of the citizens into zombies.  They are odd-looking ones too, as they apparently get turned into what look more like 'Buffy Vampires.'
As it turns out, this was all due to some military experiment that got loose in Romania.  They send in Soldiers to contain the mess, but it's only a temporary solution.

What is their permanent solution?
It's simple- send in a team to set off an Atom Bomb near the Nuclear Power Planet (which every village has) to destroy all of the evidence.  Leading the team is this guy: a Soldier who will get a pardon for his job.

His skill appears to be standing still while posing shirtless.
The rest of the group is made up of Mercenaries.  They have one character trait and...that's it.

Good- I was worried that I would care about these characters!
The group find out that they have been double-crossed, as the bomb is set on their truck aka their only way out of the city in time.

This leads to several scenes of them shooting/killing a bunch of Zombies.  The high/low point: when the Bomb Guy lightly sets an empty barrel on a Zombie, apparently killing it.  No, really.
The movie just sort of devolves into a series of scenes of them going somewhere, having to stop, fighting zombies and then going again.  Although, there is one scene worth noting...
Uwe Boll (the Producer) has a Cameo as the President of the United States.

On the plus side, he's only in one scene.  On the negative side, I'm 'spared' a death scene like in Postal.
The group eventually meets up with the Daughter of the man behind the experiment.  The film is nice enough to stop the 'story' cold to show a prolonged flashback to his death.  So...yea.

As for the Daughter, she's basically there to fall in love with our lead and occasionally shoot some Zombies.
I won't SPOIL the whole film, since it came out in the States this year.

I will say that you won't be missing much, even with this random Resident Evil villain that just kind of shows up when the film is starting to reach its Climax.  The End.
Wow, this one is just dumb.  Dumb is really the best word for this film.  It's not completely Terrible.  It is shot properly and everyone is on camera.  There are no scenes of a dog eating food out of a Bible.  Unlike many Project Terrible films, it was all in focus and I knew what was going on at all times.  The big thing is that there is so little substance to this thing.  The characters are one-note, there are zero surprises and so much of it is just filler.  There are at least three 'Oh no, we're stuck for X minutes and...there come Zombies.'  The film can't even balance the idea of suspense and excitement.  There are a number of scenes of them killing the Zombies with ease.  At one point, they are just shooting them safely from a roof.  How safe is it?  It's SO safe that they have the 'Tell about the Father and how he died' flashback and cut back with nothing having have changed!  Seriously, the guy just stopped shooting to deliver plot exposition at length with no danger!  In later scenes, however, we get the 'We can't fight out way out' Trope a few times.  Um, no.  This is not quite the same as the awkward contrast between 'We kick ass!' and 'We are in danger!' scenes in To Kako (aka Evil).  So, yeah, this isn't as bad as Evil or Postal were.  That's the best you're to get Uwe Boll.  Not your worst choice yet, Maynard.
Next up, I cover a film that I've been holding onto for a while (since October was about Horror Films).  It stars a Wrestler, a Boxer and Shannon Tweed.  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. I'm kind of excited to watch this and make fun of it now.