Sunday, April 7, 2013

Project Terrible 10: Meat Weed America

I suppose that I had this coming.  In the last Round, I gave Michele the Troma-released Meat Weed Madness.  It was shit.  Little did I know that I was setting myself up for punishment, as this film has a sequel.  To quote Gob Bluth: I made a terrible mistake.  What's done is done, however, so let's talk about Meat Weed America.  It's a film.  You want more?  Ugh.  Fine.  There's not much plot, but it does involve the land of Meat Weed (Don't ask- since they don't explain anyway) being under siege by Osama Bin Smoking, a white Terrorist who...is mad, I guess.  You're guess is as good as mine.  If you really expected me to have to watch a SECOND Meat Weed film to make sense of this shit, you're sorely out of luck.  Plus, screw you.  To see if I can make sense out of any of this, read on...
Osama here is shown 'riding a camel' against a bunch of boring B-Roll of people in the South.  Why you needed Civil War reenactors here is anyone's guess.  This is just the beginning of the 'fun.'
He has plans to destroy the folks who live and die for Meat Weed.  Why?  What the hell is Meat Weed?  These and other questions will not be suitably answered.  I was hoping for some closure in Meat Weed America- dammit.
Just a quick heads up to let you know that this film is classy.  Just ignore the picture below and pretend that the statement makes sense.
In an odd bit, the paper mache cow is a full person who has sex with a lady, has a baby cow...that proceeds to crawl up a lady's panties and be born...again as a bigger one (below).

To (sort of) quote The Abominable Dr. Phibes- Words fail me, gentlemen.
Lloyd Kauffman shows up in the film's B-Plot (yes, it has one) involving a lady going to New York, only to have all sorts of bad stuff happen to her.  I don't know why it's here, but alright.
It all builds up to an awkward, semi-improvised battle between the Meat Weed people and Osama's group. Even the film is bored with it, as they actually fast-forward through their own film.  So sad.
Here's another highlight for you: during a battle on the grass, the Cameraman trips and they leave it in.

It's either a mistake and they left it in OR it was done as a joke.  One is sad, while the other is REALLY sad.
Osama is killed by the women who were working for him.  I can barely muster any interest in this crap, so I can't tell you why this happens.  Oh and they draw this out as well, since we can't get this 76 minute film over fast enough.
We end the film with the floating head of Lloyd Kauffman, which just reminds me of The Wizard of Mars.  I'd rather watch that dreck, honestly.  The End.
What else can I possibly say about this crap?  Seriously, it sucks.  It sucks long.  It sucks hard.  It is really, really bad.  It is bad because it tries to be stupid, tries to be funny and tries to shock.  It is awful, awful, awful.  Good grief.  I could not possibly care less about this crap.  If you want to make a stupid, shocking movie, make it with full knowledge that I will not give a crap.  This is a seriously-bad example of how bad Troma films can be.  I have seen better Troma films, a statement that I never thought I'd write.  On the plus side, Project Terrible can't possibly get any worse...can it?  Take it away, movie that spoils boobs for me.
Next up, another re-review that didn't make it into March.  Lambert fights guns with guns- complete with Peebles!  Stay tuned...

3 comments:

  1. I am so happy right now.

    I guess I do feel sliiiiiightly bad - Meat Weed Madness was beyond atrocious so I could only speculate as to the sequel's suckiness. Dare I say that this one looks even worse? Really didn't think that was possible... Oh, but it is nice to see the purple papier-mache cow again. That guy is just a brilliant work of art.

    Oh, and what is meat weed? It's weed mixed with human flesh. No, really.

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  2. Gross.

    Don't feel bad- I never do. Given the crap I've given you- especially '5 Across the Eyes'-, I figure that I had it coming.

    On the plus side, my choice for you could be equally-bad, just in its own special way. We'll see...

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  3. Thanks for the review! Very funny!

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