Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Curry, Man: The Fog (Dhund)

Attack of the random rip-off collection!  Before I begin, I 'get' Bollywood Cinema.  It's not people just being lazy and trying to rip off other people's ideas.  That's what Platinum Dunes does- boom!  In all seriousness, I mock them a lot for ripping off American films and those from other countries- i.e. Taxi.  I mock them in the spirit of fun and 'having a laugh.'  Now then, on to the mocking!  Dhund aka The Fog aka Dhund: The Fog is a 2003 Bollywood film that looks like it came out of 1983.  That's not commentary on how cheesy some of the fashion is- it's just that the film stock is so bad.  Seriously, who provided the faded copy that cracks and fizzles?  The film was made 10 years ago...right?  Getting past that, the film's aspect ratio is a bit off too.  It's what I'd call Super-Mega Ultra Widescreen.  It could be an issue with it on the Computer- I only played it there.  Regardless, it made my Screen Caps look a bit odd, so I apologize in advance for that.  As for the story, it pulls from a number of varied sources, making it appear like the Frankenstein's Monster of Bollywood Rip-Offs.  You'll see what I mean.  It doesn't have John Carpenter, but it does have one of the Ramsay clan at the helm.  To see why this has nothing to do with Ghost Pirates (sad, I know), read on...
The opening scene has a man attacked by a faceless killer in a warehouse full of burning mannequins.  If this seems familiar to you, just replace the mannequins with wax dolls.

Yes, this is pretty much the opening to 1953's House of Wax.  No, really.
After a bit of comedic padding and a dance number, a woman is tormented in her house by a man on the phone.  He threatens her by saying that if she takes part in a beauty pageant, he'll kill her.

If you didn't figure it out yet, this is now When a Stranger Calls...but only for this one part.
 Let's stop for a moment to have a superfluous dance number.  Why not?  The movie does, after all!
Back in the story, the man confronts our heroine after she ignores his threat.  He goes all Chris Brown on her, but gets killed by her and a friend.
 The two guys- who left after a dance number- return and decide that they have to hide the body until they can decide what to do.

In a crazy moment, a guy drops his keys and nearly finds the body.  To highlight the tension, they play the 'People discover you' sound from Metal Gear Solid- I shit you not!
Anyhow, the assailant is not dead- apparently- and comes back for revenge.  This is tense so...
Let's stop for another dance number.  It's not quite this bad in the film...but it does happen.
The killer- who is thankfully not a Zombie Fisherman- uses a rake claw as his weapon.  I wish that this was the first time that I've seen it, but it's not.
As it turns out, this guy was actually pretending to be the dead guy.  Oh no- not that guy!

He dies and we all live happily ever after...until the Ghost Pirates show up.  Nah, not really.  The End.
Not much spice here, honestly.  If you can get past the blatant rip-offs/homages, there's not much to talk about. There's very little character build-up, the villain just kind of looks evil and the story is pretty minimalist.  The guy's motivation is really just keeping a lady out of a Beauty Pageant.  Say what you will about the Fisherman from I Know What You Did Last Summer, but he only became evil AFTER they tried to hide his apparent murder.  Making him a villain from the get-go is a weird decision, as the whole gray area of morality is just wiped out completely.  Oh and a hook is much scarier than a rake.  Seriously, who goes 'Let's take the end of a rake and put it on your glove- it'll be scary!'  I'm just amazed by that still.  You have to get past a lot to enjoy the weirdness of a film that is part I Know What You Did Last Summer, part House of Wax, part When A Stranger Calls and features a sound effect from Metal Gear Solid.  To add to the insanity, they blatantly steal the 'Shower Scene' music from Psycho to boot!  Throw in people on IMDB claiming that the 'face in the tub' bit is like Diabolique and you just get even more silliness.  Seriously though, the print is the worst I've seen of a film this recent.  I should also mention that fog only shows up in like two scenes- tops.  The killer doesn't use it really, so I just don't get why this is the title.  Is Dhund a character?  Not all of these films are made with the same amount of care, so R.A. One really stands out in comparison.  It looks like a big-budget movie, while this looks like a washed out 1980's TV Pilot from India.  You just gotta love the lazy subtitle work too...
Next up, let's keep Project Terrible going with a French film about Russia (sort of).  When in doubt, add talking mice, says nobody!  Stay tuned...

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