Thursday, April 11, 2013

Because I Watched It: (Four of) The Top 5 *Worst* Movies Ever on Mondo Bizarro

Talk is cheap.  Seriously, this site hosting is free.

All kidding aside, it occurred to me that maybe just telling you why these films are so bad is not enough.  To that end, here are glimpses into the films- the ones YouTube allows.

First up, the hilariously-goofy ending to Jaws in Japan.  It doesn't make up for the 60 minutes of shit, but does show you where my Banner came from.
I spared you the movie.  You're welcome.

Up next, the trailer to Hobgoblins 2.  This doesn't quite do it shitty 'justice,' but it's a start.
I'm still not sure what to call this dreck other than, well, utter shit.

Here's something 'fun'- a glimpse of Roller Gator.  I regret few things in my life, but this is one of them.
That's just roughly 90 seconds of the film.  To anyone who may still want to see this, I quote the words of a friend of mine- "You are not ready for this movie."

Wrapping things up, here's the trailer to Cthulhu.  While not the worst film ever, it is just utterly disappointing.
I hope you enjoyed ALL of the movie's monster effects there.  Seriously, you saw them all!

As a side note, it was mentioned to me that many other shit films got bumped for my Top 5 Worst films.  I'll amend that shortly.


  1. ROFL Jaws In Japan looks hilariously awesome, and although I'm probably not ready for it, something in me wants to see Rollergator sooo badly :D

    Cthulhu... nah, I don't wanna watch that. Trailer is horrible.

  2. If the whole movie was like that, it would be gold. As it is, it's not exactly the best use of $12.99 I've ever made in my life.

    Honestly, you'd probably be the ONE guy to like 'Rollergator' based on your track record.

    In regards to 'Cthulhu'- you've seen it all. Throw in forty-five minutes of 'I'm gay, so my life is hard' moping, a scene of male rape (really) and a mystery so bad that the Trailer spoils it and you have the movie.

    Watch 'The Call of Cthulhu' first, followed by 'The Last Lovecraft.' If you're really desperate, 'Dagon' is bad, but kind of fun in a weird way.