Friday, April 12, 2013

Mondo Bizarro's Top 5 Worst Anniversary Films

It seems that in my haste to name the Top 5 Worst films of Mondo Bizarro, a lot of stuff got missed.  To rectify that, here is the first of two EXTRA lists to fix this.

For every one-hundred posts- review or otherwise-, I try to do something special.  The films aren't always bad...but many of them are.  Here are the five worst...

5. Creepshow 3: The first of the truly bad films for the anniversaries.  The short version (if you don't know): the license to some of George A. Romero's films ended up in the hands of Taurus Entertainment.  They made two film 'sequels' to Romero's works.  This one takes away all of the interesting horror, making time instead for horrible comedy.  It's...shit and the Internet agrees.

4. Men Behind the Sun 2: This is insensitive crap, but it's just not directed at my nationality.  After the controversial Men Behind the Sun, Godfrey Ho sneaked in and made his own sequels.  Years later, the original Director made his own sequel and made it about The Rape of Nanking.  Yea.  This one is rough, brutal and ridiculously-paced.  It also features one of my darkest captions ever, so enjoy that one.

3. Faces of Death: The most infamous film of the Home Video not great.  It's a mix of fake and real footage, all wrapped up in pretentious crap.  It's got some fake Doctor talking about life, so its mostly a Mondo film.  It's mostly faux controversy here as I didn't believe 99.9% of the footage.  The worst part is that it led to this...

2. Traces of Death: Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery every time.  This is one of the many knock-off (not to be confused with that shit Van Damme film) version of Faces made when Home Videos were huge.  If you couldn't afford the real one, watch this shit.  The big problem is that a lot of this actually is real, which makes it super-awkward to watch.  If it wasn't just that, it's poorly-made.  Like Jaws in Japan, this would be #1 if it wasn't for...

1. Actium Maximus- War of the Alien Dinosaurs: This is one reason why its hard to be friends with me sometimes.  A friend of mine sort of/not really pushed me to review this film, as opposed to giving it to Maynard for Project Terrible.  To make up for it, he watched the film with me.  Good God, this is awful.  I'd say that it is one of the worst films I've ever seen...but I'd not call it a film (except in the article title).  It's some bizarre set-up to...nothing.  It's something that has to be seen to be believed.  That said, I don't recommend you see it.

Well, unless you're Maynard.  He'd probably like it.  Freaking Austrians.  :-)

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