Sunday, February 13, 2011

Project Terrible: Live Freaky, Die Freaky

Claymation and serial killing do not mix!  This 2003 film is a weird concept, done in a weird way and done with a weird sensibility.  Nothing about this feels normal.  The plot of this movie involves a post-apocalyptic future, but that pretty much doesn't matter save for the beginning or the end.  The actual film is all about the infamous Manson Family Murders.  Good- there aren't enough films about that!  This one has an edge to it: awkward and time-consuming animation.  Yeah, that's what Helter Skelter was missing!  Speaking of which, this movie awkwardly-straddles the line between fact and satire.  When you can't pick one, why should I care?  Let's just jump right into this bizarre mess, shall we?  When in doubt, live by any other mantra than...
The film begins in a really awkward way with the title card above being held for about two minutes straight.  It's four words- nobody reads that slow!  We meet a weird guy wandering around the desert.  He comes across a copy of some book called 'Healter Skelter.'  No, really.  After that, the film jumps to covering a bald woman (based solely on the voice) who explains that Charles Mason is the real Messiah.  Let's jump to a flashback from this narrative flashback.  Ow- my brain hurts!
After a disturbingly long (Hi-O) scene of Charles and the woman having sex, he sings a silly song.  It's not bad, but it goes on for too long.  We jump from that to a scene of the Sharon Tate fill-in driving around and signing a song about how she hates the environment.  At one point, she even tap dances on the car while it's still moving!  Oh yeah, she's also blond here for no reason...
Mason and his family- including one of the singers from The Go-Gos- decide to go after the Sharon Tate fill-in.  Why?  Because she exists.  That's about the only reason.  Speaking of 'reason,' there's no reason for another musical number, but they still put one in.
The group arrive at the house and kill the guy who apparently was delivering their drugs door-to-door.  I'd list him as a Poor Bastard of Cinema, but that would require me caring about him.  Inside the house, Not-Sharon, her gay friend from earlier and another woman are naked & doing naughty things.  I still don't care.
The movie indulges in ever more gross sight gags and talk about dirty things.  I still don't care- you can't make me.  Even when you have the gay guy do things to himself as just a head, I don't care.   You're trying to gross me out, but you mostly just make me Fast-Forward you.
The trial portion of the film is very brief and doesn't bear much mention.  They clearly 'blew their load' already, so why should I bother?
In the Present Day (of the future), the man finishes reading the book and takes it with him.  What will the future hold?  I'm going to guess that it involves me forgetting all about this movie and moving on with my life.  The End.
To quote a great man, "This movie sucks!"  The plot is a real mess, starting out in the future and moving to the past, only to then move to further in the past.  Despite what people might think, it's not always hip to do your film in a weird order after Pulp Fiction and Memento!  Even without that silliness, the plot just holds no interest.  Any interesting scene is surrounded by scenes that either terrible, drawn out for too long or both!  Even the good people involved- like Asia Argento- are hampered by a script so scattershot that they probably pulled it out of Dick Cheney's hunting buddy.  That's still a topical joke, right?  Speaking of topical, how many times do we have to cover the Manson Family Murders?  It's been over thirty years.  Can't we at least move on to more topical murders like the Gainesville Ripper Murders?  Oh right- that's what Uli Lommel is for.  The two gimmicks of the movie- the claymation and the really dirty jokes- are not worth your time.  I feel bad for all the people who spent hours doing the work just to have a headless man perform fellatio on himself!  The movie is Terrible and Zach over at Z for Zombies is terrible for making me watch it.  Vengeance shall be mine, so sayeth the Mondo!
Next up, I celebrate the Holiday that celebrates love.  Naturally, I have a weird, Japanese film to review.  Stay tuned...


  1. Holy shitballs, I thought I was the only person that had or ever would see this film. It is a pile of stink, but it was made for a very, VERY specific group of movie watchers methinks. Crude animation, poor humor.

  2. I made up the idea of a SWANZTIKA when I was in high school. I can hardly believe that somebody made a Robot Chicken grossout flick that actually showed one.