With the second anniversary of Mondo Bizarro coming soon, I thought it would be good to look back at the films covered this year. First on the agenda, the Top 10 Surprising Films. These movies were not what I expected them to be, for better or for worse- usually the latter.
10. Yo-Yo Sexy Girl Cop/The Killer Eye: Both of these films were a lot more about porn than I thought! The first film probably shouldn't have surprised me so much. Now, bear in mind that the first Yo-Yo Girl Cop film was billed as fun, action movie, but is mostly a maudlin drama. No, really. The other film here looks like a silly, monster movie, but is mostly about a large prop molesting women. I didn't expect that- especially from Full Moon!
9. The Monster at Camp Sunshine: It's a very complex tale for a movie so stupid! I thought that this film was one of a pair of Nudist Camp Horror films released by Something Weird. It's not...exactly. It's actually a Nudist Camp Horror film Parody. No, really. Why does this exist? Furthermore, why is it in black and white, despite being released later than the other film in the set?
8. The 9/11 Commission Report: I did not expect this to be so dull. When I found out that The Asylum had a film made about the famous 9/11 Commission Report, I was expecting something either ridiculous (i.e. aliens attacking the WTC) or controversial (since the film played the Conservative film circuit for months). What was surprising is that the movie was so listless and uninteresting. Nothing crazy or all that interesting. Just a series of barely-related scenes involving talking heads. That's...odd.
7. Patrick Still Lives: You lie! I did this movie during Series Month, but was surprised to find out that this film was not part of a series. Yes, despite being billed as a sequel to the Australian film Patrick, this film is just a rip-off. It has a different guy named Patrick killing people, just in really ridiculous ways. The best part: this Patrick was put in a coma by a guy throwing a bottle out of a moving vehicle. No, really.
6. Boogeyman 2: This is just the weird, middle child in the 'series.' The first film- the only one to get in theaters- was about a man confronting a freaky spirit from his past. The third film is about the titular spirit killing people on a college campus...just because. This film is actually about a pair of siblings who get thrown in an asylum for being scared of 'the boogeyman.' It's a Saw rip-off that actually features the star of the series in it. Lame.
5. Tidal Wave: If you want to know what weird pacing looks like, check this one out. This South Korean disaster film is about two hours or so long. The first ninety-minutes are almost entirely relegated to setting up the characters. It's only after that length of time that the titular event happens. It's not a bad movie for this conceptual choice, but it's certainly a weird one!
4. The Occultist: You shouldn't lie so much, movie! This film features a slew of ridiculous plot ideas in its summary. It's described as featuring 'a perilous haven for a group of voodoo-practicing witches who prefer to walk around in the nude' and 'a cyborg named Waldo Warren.' The latter is true, but the 'witches in the nude' are generic black women, one of whom is naked once. More importantly, it takes a silly gimmick- Waldo can fire bullets from nearly every appendage' and makes a boring film. Wow.
3. Cardiac Arrest: I'm not laughing. This obscure, made-for-TV film features a group of people killing civilians and stealing their hearts. Naturally, this movie is a comedy. I wish that I was kidding, but I'm not. This film barely touches upon the graphic nature of the plot, mostly focusing on the 'wacky' cop. Who would have guessed?
2. Assault Girls: I really hate being lied to. This movie has a plot that sounds like Gamer, but with hot, Japanese ladies. Sadly, it's a dull film with long, lingering shots of the desert. When you consider that it is supposedly showing a Massively-Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, it's a bit silly to have only four people in it! Killing giant worms or featuring cool-looking mechs in the last Act will not save you from my ridicule!
1. Jaws in Japan: Who's shocked by this choice? The film is amazingly-dull, making the narrative confusing and unfocused. Where's the shark? He shows up five minutes before the end of this 65-minute film. It's too little and it's far too late. I really, really wanted to like this movie.
Next up, let's look at the Top 10 Rare Flix to come to Mondo Bizarro over the last year. You may be surprised what you see. Stay tuned...
10. Yo-Yo Sexy Girl Cop/The Killer Eye: Both of these films were a lot more about porn than I thought! The first film probably shouldn't have surprised me so much. Now, bear in mind that the first Yo-Yo Girl Cop film was billed as fun, action movie, but is mostly a maudlin drama. No, really. The other film here looks like a silly, monster movie, but is mostly about a large prop molesting women. I didn't expect that- especially from Full Moon!
9. The Monster at Camp Sunshine: It's a very complex tale for a movie so stupid! I thought that this film was one of a pair of Nudist Camp Horror films released by Something Weird. It's not...exactly. It's actually a Nudist Camp Horror film Parody. No, really. Why does this exist? Furthermore, why is it in black and white, despite being released later than the other film in the set?
8. The 9/11 Commission Report: I did not expect this to be so dull. When I found out that The Asylum had a film made about the famous 9/11 Commission Report, I was expecting something either ridiculous (i.e. aliens attacking the WTC) or controversial (since the film played the Conservative film circuit for months). What was surprising is that the movie was so listless and uninteresting. Nothing crazy or all that interesting. Just a series of barely-related scenes involving talking heads. That's...odd.
7. Patrick Still Lives: You lie! I did this movie during Series Month, but was surprised to find out that this film was not part of a series. Yes, despite being billed as a sequel to the Australian film Patrick, this film is just a rip-off. It has a different guy named Patrick killing people, just in really ridiculous ways. The best part: this Patrick was put in a coma by a guy throwing a bottle out of a moving vehicle. No, really.
6. Boogeyman 2: This is just the weird, middle child in the 'series.' The first film- the only one to get in theaters- was about a man confronting a freaky spirit from his past. The third film is about the titular spirit killing people on a college campus...just because. This film is actually about a pair of siblings who get thrown in an asylum for being scared of 'the boogeyman.' It's a Saw rip-off that actually features the star of the series in it. Lame.
5. Tidal Wave: If you want to know what weird pacing looks like, check this one out. This South Korean disaster film is about two hours or so long. The first ninety-minutes are almost entirely relegated to setting up the characters. It's only after that length of time that the titular event happens. It's not a bad movie for this conceptual choice, but it's certainly a weird one!
4. The Occultist: You shouldn't lie so much, movie! This film features a slew of ridiculous plot ideas in its summary. It's described as featuring 'a perilous haven for a group of voodoo-practicing witches who prefer to walk around in the nude' and 'a cyborg named Waldo Warren.' The latter is true, but the 'witches in the nude' are generic black women, one of whom is naked once. More importantly, it takes a silly gimmick- Waldo can fire bullets from nearly every appendage' and makes a boring film. Wow.
3. Cardiac Arrest: I'm not laughing. This obscure, made-for-TV film features a group of people killing civilians and stealing their hearts. Naturally, this movie is a comedy. I wish that I was kidding, but I'm not. This film barely touches upon the graphic nature of the plot, mostly focusing on the 'wacky' cop. Who would have guessed?
2. Assault Girls: I really hate being lied to. This movie has a plot that sounds like Gamer, but with hot, Japanese ladies. Sadly, it's a dull film with long, lingering shots of the desert. When you consider that it is supposedly showing a Massively-Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game, it's a bit silly to have only four people in it! Killing giant worms or featuring cool-looking mechs in the last Act will not save you from my ridicule!
1. Jaws in Japan: Who's shocked by this choice? The film is amazingly-dull, making the narrative confusing and unfocused. Where's the shark? He shows up five minutes before the end of this 65-minute film. It's too little and it's far too late. I really, really wanted to like this movie.
Next up, let's look at the Top 10 Rare Flix to come to Mondo Bizarro over the last year. You may be surprised what you see. Stay tuned...
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