Just because you're French, it doesn't mean that you're classy! The 2008 French comedy Vampire Party is an amazing exercise in both missing with jokes and driving them into the ground. If only they could have driven them into the hearts of these characters and spared me 80 minutes! The film is by a pair of first-time Writer/Directors, so I guess I can forgive them a little bit. However, veteran character actor Tcheky Karyo is here too. Why? Your resume is not the best out there, but you should be able to do better. What is the plot? A group of party animals get invited to a big, fancy dinner. The problem- it's a haven for vampires. If you like forced, American-style comedy, you're in luck. Fans of humor should be wary though. Since this is a fairly-recent film, keep an eye out for those dastardly SPOILERS. Get out your oldest vintage (i.e. Mickey Rooney), because we're going to the...
The film begins with some silly titles and a lot of forced narration. Basically, a jerk is always going to parties and not working, since you can apparently do that in France. He pulls in one of his friends- a businesswoman- and another woman who is notoriously bad with relationships. They are out at a club when the latter gets hit on by a man and given an invite to a party. When the guy finds out about the party- it's a famous one- he does a quick change into a dress. Wacky and cliche. They go to the party and find out that it's a star-studded affair. Amongst the party goers are a famous dentist and the wife of some rich guy that we are never shown. We get a sub-plot about her ditching her bodyguard, but see how long that lasts. Our heroes make a new friend at the party and hang out, while the real reason for the party is revealed. The bodyguard steals a pass and gets into the VIP section where the plan is revealed. The vampires invited all the people over to be eaten. That's pretty much the whole plan. Were you expecting more from a film whose actual title is Night of the Teeth? The bodyguard is killed by the vampires- see, I told you. Cue the film's only good Effect...
It still takes a while for the people to figure out that vampires are loose. One drawn-out sight gag involves the Dentist always missing the guy showing his fangs. Finally, he sees it when the guy orders a Bloody Mary, only to be told that they have a Bloody Melissa- aka a lady named Melissa- instead. Start laughing, audience! Our heroes manage to hide out for a bit while the socialite lady ends up with a weird guy. They go off to a room to have sex, whereupon he reveals himself to be a werewolf. Who invited the wrong monster to this movie?!? Our heroes save her, leading to the second use of a Titanic parody cutaway gag. They do it one more time, so I hope that you like it. They find out more about the vampires and why they have the party. Apparently heads of state sign vampire contracts for power/protection and the book of which is kept in the house. They steal it because...they were already going to be killed, I guess. They also establish that most of the vampire rules are in effect, so, naturally, the socialite lady stabs a vampire in the stomach. Swing and a miss. Karyo's lead vampire is a bit upset by the situation, but leaves the work to someone else. Way to make use of your star.
Things don't get better for our heroes as they are continually chased by a gay vampire, a fat vampire and a snobby one. The guy who loves to daydream reveals himself to be a vampire and makes a move for the film's blond heroine. This leads to a sword fight between him and the 'invitation giver,' which breaks the Fourth Wall for a single gag. They do this once- in the Third Act! Our heroine escapes by blessing the water & immediately leaves the water. That seems stupid, right. Our other heroes find a set of magical incantations in the book, leading to a bunch of pointless sight gags that devolve into them just wearing different outfits. They escape into the daylight as midgets- seriously- and learn the truth about the hidden vampire guy. He dies when they pull of his toupee, putting an end to his 'I put on tanning cream' trick a la Blade. All is well, until our hero learns that he was bitten- did he miss it when it happened?- and he freaks out. Sequel-bait, I guess. The End.
Je ne suis pas rire. The plot of this movie has potential, but falters in a lot of ways. The idea of people being trapped in a house full of killer vampires is horror fare. Where is the humor in that? Thankfully-or not- this film is very sparse on the whole 'humor' thing. Seriously, they don't even go for the usual 'horror-comedy' bullshit. They just have people being killed by vampires and having their blood sucked out, followed by people making quips. That's so amazingly-awkward. How can you mix actual horror/drama with unfunny comedy that way? Had the movie given any legitimately-funny gags, it might be excusable. As it is, the film is not funny, randomly-bloody and, more importantly, weak. Our heroes escape with the book and...just kind of leave. Hell, you only get closure for two out of the three leads. Do the vampires go after them and retrieve the book? What are the repercussions for this? We aren't told. Instead, they spend time on bits right out of Date Movie like having the blond woman break-dancing or having her fight vampires while listening to her iPod- thrilling. The bottom line: there are literally dozens of better vampire films you can watch instead. Take it away, overused sight gag!
Up next, I bring you the first sequel to Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness. I should be upset by it's use of an alternate title, but I have so much more to be mad at. Stay tuned...
P.S. The 1,200th Post Celebration comes on Friday too. It's going to be rare and bloody.
P.S. The 1,200th Post Celebration comes on Friday too. It's going to be rare and bloody.
No comments:
Post a Comment