Saturday, February 12, 2011

Import/Export Trash: Killer Killer

Britain isn't all class, people!  While they may have invented tea time, British Imperialism and Mr. Bean, they are not as smart as you might think.  For example, they make shitty slasher films with no logical premise behind it too!  They also make them with budgets of somewhere around 1,000£ (since the Euro is for pussies!).  The film in question is called Killer Killer.  No, really.  You see, it's about a spirit that kills famous killers.  There was clearly no other way to say that!  It's set in a Prison that undergoes a mysterious effect that traps the men inside.  Does this affect other people?  Do they explain the source of this?  No and no.  I don't know why you were expecting any other answer here.  Since the film makes no sense, has no budget and comes from another country, it's perfect for this site.  Retrieve your handcuff handcuffs as we go to see the...
The film begins with a young woman going upstairs to take a shower.  She's apparently deaf and has no peripheral vision, as the killer walks just out of sight and grunts the whole time.  He follows her to the shower, revealing his Nixon mask, before she turns around...and stabs him to death.  By the way, that entire opening has no impact on the actual plot.  It's not mentioned in any way either.  Now that they're done wasting time, we meet our heroes: a bunch of killers on Death Row.  I thought that Protagonists were supposed to be appealing, guys!  The people wake up to find the place a mess and it looking out-of-date.  Sign of a Low Budget: We are never shown the original state of the prison- just the altered one.  I'm totally-convinced that you didn't just rent out an old prison/fort!  The 'lead guy' doesn't believe the story about how they're trapped due to some mist hanging around the building, so he goes outside.  One awkward edit later, he comes back in, ice coating his face.  Where's my ironic trombone when I need it?!?  The men sit around discuss their situation- the guards and authority figures are gone, but they can't leave.  During the discussion, we get a quick flash and one of the men is dead.  Okay then.
I don't suppose that you want an explanation for any of this.  Well, if you do, you have to wait a while.  I mean, I could just tell you, but where's the fun in that?  The two lead guys make a show about locking one of the other guys in the basement.  I have to ask why he was in there though?  Did he leave his cell and just immediately go looking for rats?  The people left are a strange and random lot.  One is a calm guy who maintains his innocence, while another is a gritty killer who basically says 'Yeah, I did it.'  There is also a crazy, twitchy guy since, well, I guess there has to be.  Another guy is one of those 'I'm a cold, calculated killer- which makes me smart' guys.  Speaking of which, that guy is suddenly struck by a mysterious force and wakes up in a hospital.  There's a blond woman (the one from before and the flash above) on the table and he prepares to 'operate.'  She attacks him, however, and tortures him.  He suddenly appears in the real world dead.  No, they still don't explain it.
Things look bleak for the twitchy guy when two of the other prisoners decide that he is the one that has been doing the killing.  You're just glossed over the whole mysterious mist thing, huh?  Fortunately for him, the mysterious lady demon decides to go for broke and takes them both out.  They appear as Grips at a music video shoot and the lady is a cheerleader...who kills them.  Moving on, we finally get an explanation as to what is going on...after the twitchy guy is killed.  He apparently killed hookers with a drill (why not?!?), so, naturally, he gets killed by one via the woman/demon.  Oh right, the explanation.  Basically, the lady is an angel/demon who kills people who have killed others in real life.  I could question the logic surrounding that, but it would be undermining just how stupid this shit is!  The 'innocent' guy gives his whole life story after the freaky guy from the attic is killed by the angel/demon.  Basically, he was 'Sid Vicious' and lost his girlfriend, which led him to become a blackout drunk and maybe killing some people.  The other guy confronts the angel/demon and repents, apparently sparing him.  He turns on the other guy, however, which causes the angel/demon to kill him.  A minute later, the 'innocent' guy reveals his crimes and dies too.  I guess things return to normal, since the movie never actually addresses this.  The End.
This sucks sucks!  The plot of this movie is about as bare-bones as you can get.  It's what happens when you just leave blanks in a generic description.  'People Group A are stuck in Place B and picked off one-by-one by Killer C.'  Just fill it in with 'Killers,' 'Prison' and 'A Busty Demon/Angel' and you have the film!  Very little is really addressed here.  How does the thing's power work exactly?  What is it?  I know that you think it makes your movie 'clever' to not explain anything.  It doesn't.  Incidentally, when did people get that idea?  It's a very common one, but I don't quite get it.  Aside from the goofy premise, there's not much to talk about here.  The characters are both stock and unlikable.  Why should I care if the serial killers are killed?  Even if I did, the guys are written in such a way that I just have no interest in them.  The acting is not great either, ranging from over-the-top (twitchy guy) to mind-numbingly dull (the 'innocent' guy).  If you like generic slashers with no budget, but a silly gimmick, this is one of them.  Do with that information what you will.  Then again, boobs.
Up next, Project Terrible returns with my final segment in this round.  It has puppets, sodomy and really drawn-out scenes.  Stay tuned...

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