Friday, September 4, 2009

Magical Moments: Ninja Wars

You know that this week is special when I bring back a segment that has not been seen since May. Personally, I hate this movie, but feel that one completely insane scene has to be known. I do not recommend this movie by any stretch of the imagination! When Chinese cinema does ninjas badly, they really go for broke! I would also be remiss without mentioning Sonny Chiba's 'pivotal' role of two scenes that add nothing. In spite of this, he is featured on the cover seen below prominently and has top-billing. Enough stalling- check out the insane use of magic from...
The plot is too complicated to give in detail. What you need to know: the villains have kidnapped a princess and need her for a spell. Apparently, the thing needs the tears of a virgin. Wait- they have a plot device that also showed up in The Killer Tomatoes Eat France?!? When she learns this, she does the only logical thing: she cuts off her head via ninja magic (aka waving her arm in front of her throat). This causes no blood splatter. I mention this last part for a reason that will be clear later.
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What do the villains do in reaction to this? Grab another woman and cut her head off! This causes a Lone Wolf and Cub-style blood fountain to come up! Holy crap! Acting quickly, they put the Princess' head on that body and use magic to attach it. That's thinking outside the box, guys! Unfortunately, the payoff to this scene is a love potion being used on a fat lady who should definitely not be topless on screen. You're paying my therapist bills, guys!
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Up next, an in-depth look at the use of magic in a New Concorde barbarian series. Stay tuned...

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