Forgotten Sequels: The Mangler 2

Let's just face facts here: sequels to Tobe Hooper films are just doomed from the start. It doesn't help when the guy is not even involved in the production. For all its faults, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 is not a terrible film, especially when compared to Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Part 3 or any of the other sequels. Today's film is not going to get that much of a compliment from me. Hell, I'm more likely to be nicer to Poltergeist 3 (not quite obscure enough for a review, but close) than this movie. Curious as to why? Consider that this film was made nearly six years later and with almost none of the budget or stars. I'm sorry- I was being a bit too mean. It does have Lance Henriksen in it. Of course, he clearly does not want to be in it, but too bad. Let's jump right into...

Our film begins with a Thief wandering around an office building. We get a shot of a camera about every 20 seconds here, because, as you will learn, the Director has some sort of fetish for them. The vandal gets into the main office room and *gasp* downloads a virus. This immediately sets off the Security System...somehow and the perp flees. Suddenly, their key card stops working and they get caught by the Police. The Thief is...a Girl. I thought they only knew how to cook, clean and live several years longer on average than men! She also turns out to be the Daughter of the man who owns the building and- obviously- hates him. What to do with her? Send her to prep school, of course. That bastard! We are introduced to our lead (read: only) Characters. One is a stoner idiot, the other is a jock, you have the slutty/popular girl, the weirdo (our heroine). All they're missing is the damn Principal and just giving us the damn cast of The Breakfast Club! Oh wait, we have a black guy too. We also have the Principal- played by Lance- who explains that our heroine's father has used the film to beta-test his security systems. By the way, subtle foreshadowing, movie.

To save on the budget, the film shrinks our cast into a group of five students and some random teachers. How? By 'sending all the other students away' and leaving the 5 Prefects to find out who put a prank opener on the school website. Really? That's all you've got?!? They take this very seriously and...sit around the pool and smoke pot. When will someone just kill these characters? Before the killing starts, our heroine downloads the Mangler 2.0 virus onto the school computer, since everyone assumed that she pulled the prank anyways. We also get a tedious bit where the lead girl explains her obsession with Mandelbrot sets, even showing one on her shirt. You have not lived until you have heard the word 'Mandel-boobie.' After lingering way too long on these terrible characters, the film begins to kill off the random adult teachers that are hanging around. The first is the Janitor, who is killed by a blade on a stick (no, really) being put into a room and buzzing sounds going off.  Yeah, it's Dark Harvest all over again!  The next one is the lady Teacher who decides to wash her clothes at the School whilst in her nightie! Reality is not this movie's friend! The cook also gets locked in the freezer, but survives hypothermia somehow.

Eventually, our heroes figure out what is happening after the black guy is killed by...a room full of hot water from the sprinklers.  Geez, those guys really do die easily on film!  If you wanted to watch people run around scared for several minutes on end, you are in luck!  At least the film has the decency to make one of them a skanky blond in a bikini top!  Pretty much the whole Third Act is them running around, delivering bad dialogue and reacting to shots of cameras. This movie is more obsessed with cameras than 1984 and Enemy of the State combined!  Web-cams, inside cameras and outside cameras- oh my!  My favorite part is the scene where they sneak around corners to avoid a single, rotating camera...only to discover another camera in their hiding spot, causing them to just say 'screw it' and run!  For no apparent reason, the heroine's Bodyguard (she is rich, after all) drives back to the school on the same day that he dropped her off and crashes the electric gate. Of course, the jock still dies when it turns back on...even though it is not in one piece anymore. This drives our heroine to confront Lance, who is now half-man and half-machine...on the cover of a magazine. The movie never really explains this all too well, but whatever. We finally have a less crappy monster that is not just a prop knife on a stick. At least...oh, he's dead now. That was pointless, thank you. The End.

This movie is bad. What does it have to do with the previous film about a possessed piece of manufacturing equipment? Jack shit! What does it have in common with any good movie? Well...it is shot with a camera. Lance Henriksen is not bad here, but he's not exactly given a good role. If you want to see a classically-trained actor read off a set of cue cards in his biggest scene, this is your movie! The special effects that you actually see are laughable and most of them are just camera tricks. Oh no, the lady is pulled by her hair! I wonder what is going to happen? Oh, she dies off-screen and does the Wilhelm Scream. Why do I care again? Oh right, I don't.

At least I'm done with this series. It's not like there is a third film out there. Oh shit, there is! Stay tuned...