Friday, December 23, 2022

New (Holiday?) Streaming: The Green Knight (2021)

 My other Showtime splurge involves a Knight, a quest and the most artistically pretentious Film of this type since The Iron Warrior.

As a bonus, it is set around Christmas...in 14 AD.

On Christmas Day, a strange warrior called The Green Knight shows up to confront King Arthur.

He lays down a challenge for any Knight- give him a cut and then receive the same cut.
Fortunately, a young man of a lower Station (Dev Patel) is given a promotion by King Arthur.

He's encouraged by his mother to stand up for the King.
He makes his one cut- a swing at the Green Knight's neck.

He decapitates him.

Patel seems pleased...until the Green Knight stands up, picks up his head and vows to return in one year.
The year goes by quickly for the now-famous young Knight.  He secretly fears the passage of time, of course.

He finally must make his journey as Christmas approaches yet again.

It's...weird out there.
If he can survive the journey, what will happen when he and the Green Knight meet again?

Will he be brave enough to honor the deal?

To find out, stream the Film now.
A visually amazing Film with a Plot about as dense as you'd expect from an adaptation of Arthurian Lore.  It is chock full of grandiose dialog and monologues.

Is there more to it though?

The Film does a nice job of presenting the ideal Arthurian Hero and then breaking it down.  Is Gawain really a Hero?  Will he really do the right thing at all times if it is hard?  Is he really even a Hero?

The man himself faces those questions directly and has to answer for himself.  A rich, lush looking world surrounds someone just trying to be something he may not be and cannot be.

So yes, the Film is gorgeous to look at with sweeping vistas and colors.  There's just not a lot of real Story here past 'Guy must go to here and do this.'  It's a beautiful, sometimes ponderous journey that is easy to get lost in.

The Green Knight is not shallow in Character, Setting or Acting- just the Plot.  Each new location will wow you...until you realize that our Hero is not going to go even at a moderate pace to the next one.

Now I could recommend the original Story (translated by people like J.R.R. Tolkien), but I'd rather check this out...

Like I said, it looks amazing, but ultimately not alot really happens.  Merry Christmas though, I guess.

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Tubi Thursday: Krampus 2- The Devil Returns (2016)

 So back in 2016, I reviewed the 2013 Film Krampus: The Christmas Devil.
In 2016, they also released a Sequel.

In 2022, I finally covered it.
I wished that I had waited until 2032...

Krampus is back in this small Town and is kidnapping kids.

The first one we see is a kid who breaks into an empty House to vandalize it.  His friend is there too, so...death, I guess.
It has been 5 years since the last Film and that one's Hero (of sorts) has been hiding out.

He's called back in to help solve the kidnappings, which is happening earlier this year.

Is he Tom Green now?
That sardonic Santa is back and he's passing on his Naughty List (which is just a boring piece of paper) to Krampus.

Also, yes, these shots were done the same way.
Lazy Cinematography is lazy.
Making things harder is this Crime Boss Guy (with like 4 goons) who wants to kill our Hero on account of him killing his Brother (friend of the Site Bill Oberst Jr.).

What does this mean for the Film?

It means that KRAMPUS- the Title Character- is just gone for the next 30+ minutes.  Joy.
Will our Heroes be able to stop Krampus and/or the Criminals?
Will I be able to stay awake during this dreary Film?

To find out, stream it now...I guess...Ho Ho Ho?
Wow, this...is not good.  I was hoping to have softened on this in the 6 Years since I saw the original Film.

Nope.  Still sucks.  Alot.

It is dark, dreary and pretty listless.  It's just so uninteresting.  The Acting is not good enough to liven things up when you get such 'rich' settings as An Empty House, a barely lit Bar, a Barn and someone's barely lit House.

Why is it so hard to make a Krampus Film?  Oh right- they didn't make one.

This is a 'Krampus Film' where the guy barely does anything but kills a few random people and... that's it.  Again- he's barely in this Film.

I guess I'll stick with the old stuff from the Comics...

A Film that isn't about what it should be.  Just make a fun Krampus Film, folks- it's not difficult!

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

New Streaming: Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022)

 A nice perk of hotels is that they sometimes offer different Services or Channels.

As such, I got to check out a few Films on Showtime while on Vacation last week.

I might as well start with the big one...

A normal, middle-aged Woman (Michele Yeoh) is dealing with the many pressures of life.

She has a Husband she doesn't necessarily respect, a tough Dad, a kid with issues and life just generally kicking her when she's down.

It all culminates when she has to explain her tax filing to an IRS Agent (Jamie Lee Curtis)
Her Husband- the former Short Round- acts weird right before they go in, telling her to go to a Broom Closet instead.

She can't decide to do it, but her mind splinters and she begins to experience both realities- one with the Agent and one with him- at the same time.

This hasn't even begun to get weird yet.
He explains to her that he's from the Alpha Universe- a reality where all of the 'good' decisions were made, and things are great...or they were.

A mysterious entity is threatening it all and needs a Hero...or Heroine, in this case.

He chose her...for a reason I won't SPOIL.
He proves to be telling the truth as said person shows up in her Reality and starts to create chaos.

Why do they want her?
Does she know them?
Does some version of her know them?
Can she rise to the occasion and save the Multiverse?

Doing so will require confronting some harsh truths and becoming a better person in the process though.

To find out what happens (after you watch it 3x to fully understand it), stream the Film now.
It's really good.  It's really well shot.  It is just...alot.

The Film covers some really interesting topics and themes that I'm glad are covered.  It features people that don't normally get featured.  It has a really interesting and complicated story.  I can totally see why it is on the Best Films of the Year Lists across the Internet and Newspapers.

Will it be on mine?

I'm...not sure.  It's really good- as stated.  I just wonder sometimes if it might be a bit too much.  The Film clocks in at over 2 hours long, which is something I'm more accustomed to these days.  It really fills the time too.

I guess I just wonder if there is an amazing 90 - 120-minute version that could be had.  You might get a little less nuance, but would it be more digestible?  Would more people 'get it' and enjoy it?

For fans of complex, really weird and also heartfelt stuff, it is a strong recommendation.  If you aren't that person, I just wonder if you'll be lost long before stuff like this happens...

The Film is a joy to behold and a confusing work of art.  Deep down, I just wonder if it is too much of a good thing and could have used an Edit or two.

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Tubi Thursday: Vikings vs. Krampus (2020)

 Back home, I can watch another Horror Film on Tubi.  Lucky me.

Since Christmas is nigh, how about something that's related to it...but also not at all?

This is...

In the Cold Open, a strange being- I guess it is Krampus- confronts a kid in the Woods.

He teases being nice to the kid and then kills him...off-camera.
The Film follows that up with a boatload of Exposition about the time, place and Story.
Classic Tell, Don't Show and it's as exciting as ever.

The Plot- such as it is- involves a group of Vikings- like 5 of them- who are going to kill a King (who has no Army, since this Film has no Budget).

The King flees to save himself, but is caught in the Woods.
A very-lengthy and very-underwhelming series of swordfights ensues as all but King and Queen are killed.  Their Daughter- who's way too blonde for a mixed-race girl in 812 AD- is taken by the Vikings as well.

The duo is wounded but survive when some Witches (aka 2 Ladies in a Hut) revive them.

They offer the King a deal- summon Krampus the Yule Devil (which is oddly NOT the Title) and he'll slay their enemies.  The price will be paid in 10 years.
Of course, it is not that simple.  There's also the matter of that opening Scene.  I think even the Back Row can figure out this twist.

To find out how the Film ends, stream it now. 
I'll just enjoy a cooler Krampus myself.
A cheap little Film that really tries to do too much.

Look- I get it.  I was someone who wanted to make a Film at one point.  Okay, I was *friends* with someone who wanted to make a Film, but the point is the same.  I applaud the effort.

The problem is that they tried to make a Film that needs to be done with way more resources, people and backing.  There's no Castle- just random exteriors that might be in an old Castle.  There's no Army.  The Vikings 'attack the Castle,' but they can't actually show it, since, again, no Castle.

The Acting is alright but can't elevate things.  It's a Horror Film with no real Horror.  It's an Action Film with terrible action- picture shaky cam with the camera pointed just overhead to hide the action.  It's a Period Film with no Period details to show off.

I'm happy for them that they got to make a Movie.  I'm just not happy that I, unfortunately, had to fall half-asleep watching it.

Just think- I could have skipped it entirely if it was under the original Title...

A bad Film is a bad Film, no matter the effort.  At least the King's glorious beard is something to enjoy.

Fiction vs. Fiction (vs. Fiction)- Z for Zachariah (2015)

 A Review 2 Trips in the making.

On my last plane trip, I read about half of the Book (bought in 2021) and finished on my most recent plane trip.

Let's see what is so different between the Book and the Film of the same name...

***VS***
What's the Same?

The Story involves a young woman named Ann who lives in a pleasant Valley after some sort of viral plague seemingly wiped out most of humanity.

A Scientist in a HAZMAT style suit shows up and gets sick when he washes in the river.

When he recovers, the dynamic changes between the 2...

So here is where the big differences lie...

What's Different?

In the 2015 Film, the conflict comes to a head when a third person- Chris Pine- appears.
He's not in the Book.
At all.

They both seem to pine for Ann and begin to work on a project to get power to the Valley via a Water Wheel, but it would mean taking lumber from the Church.
In the Book, there's talk of this- and Ann spending time in Church praying- but that's it.


Most importantly, Ann in the Book IMMEDIATELY rebuffs the man's advances, since she is 16!
The Scientist then proceeds to hunt her and try to keep her around as his wounded, unwilling Bride!

In contrast, the Film has her seemingly in love with both men, but only one (who, again, is not in the Book) is willing and able to.  It is also SUPER vague about her age here!
What a weird change.

The Film has a more open and vague ending, while the Book sets up a Sequel that, to my knowledge, does not exist. 
To be fair, it's Author did die before he finished it.

Where did this love triangle (as well as a minor racial conflict) come from?
Well, that's from a 1959 Film (which predates even the 1974 Book) called The World, The Flesh and the Devil.

That Film has three Survivors- one Black and one Female.  The two men come into conflict, and she has to try and work things out.

Why didn't they just remake that?

Final Thoughts

The Film is good.  In spite of all of the changes and copying from another Film, it tells a good Story.  The combination does work pretty well, to be fair.

The Book would make a good straight adaptation that would play well in the YA Film Market, if that's still thriving in any way.  Is that still a thing?

It would also make a good Mini-Series or TV Movie...which it was in 1984.
I should review that too, huh?

I do recommend the Book for, as usual, more detail and the proper Story.
I can also recommend the Film, but just know that they change ALOT (including the core premise and conflict) for some reason.

Saturday, December 10, 2022

Compendium- The Exorcist Films (with Bonus Content)

 Since I did these in no particular order over the Years, let me put all of the Reviews in Order for ease of use.


1) The Exorcist (1973)- MONDO BIZARRO: Pre-Holiday Flix: The Exorcist (1973) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Exorcist II- The Heretic (1977)- MONDO BIZARRO: '70s Trash: Exorcist II- The Heretic (1977) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) The Exorcist III- Legion- MONDO BIZARRO: Forgotten Three-quels: The Exorcist 3 (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Exorcist- The Beginning (the cut released Theatrically)- MONDO BIZARRO: Renny Harlin Week: Exorcist- The Beginning (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Dominion- Prequel to The Exorcist (the one released on DVD)- MONDO BIZARRO: Forgotten Prequels: Dominion- Prequel to the Exorcist (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6. The Exorcist- Believer (2023)- MONDO BIZARRO: 2023 Catch-Up: The Exorcist- Believer (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)


Bonus

1) Repossessed (the Parody Film)- MONDO BIZARRO: Holiday Flix: Repossessed (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Legion (Book Comparison to Film)- MONDO BIZARRO: Fiction vs. Fiction: The Exorcist III (aka Legion) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) Return of the Exorcist (the knock-off also called Exorcist III) (1975)- MONDO BIZARRO: Rip-Off Flix: Return of the Exorcist (1975) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Beyond the Door (the less-blatant Italian copycat) (1974)- MONDO BIZARRO: Clone Wars (The Exorcist): Beyond the Door (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Exorcism (the blatant Spanish copycat) (1975)- MONDO BIZARRO: The Clone Wars (The Exorcist)- Exorcism (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6) Abby (aka The Black Exorcist) (1974)- MONDO BIZARRO: The Clone Wars (The Exorcist)- Abby aka The Black Exorcist) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

Friday, December 9, 2022

Compendium: Krampus Horror

 I hope you all enjoyed Krampusnacht.  

Did you see the Parade?

Let's see how many times I've seen a killer Krampus outside of the big-time Hollywood Film...

1) A Christmas Horror Story (2015)- MONDO BIZARRO: Holiday Flix: A Christmas Horror Story (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Krampus Unleashed (2016)- MONDO BIZARRO: Screener Flix: Krampus Unleashed (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2014)- MONDO BIZARRO: Yuletide Cheapie: Krampus- The Christmas Devil (2013) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Mother Krampus (2017)- MONDO BIZARRO: Holiday Flix: Mother Krampus (2017) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Mother Krampus II: Slay Ride (2018)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Mother Krampus 2- Slay Ride (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6) Vikings vs. Krampus (2020)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Vikings vs. Krampus (2020) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

7) Krampus 2- The Devil Returns (2016)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Krampus 2- The Devil Returns (2016) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com) 

8) Krampus- Origins- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Krampus- Origins (2018)

9) Krampus- The Reckoning: MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Krampus- The Reckoning (2015)

10) Krampus- The Return- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Krampus- The Return (2024)

                           

Bonus

1) Something Scary (featured a Krampus Segment)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Something Scary (2016) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Compendium: Cheapo Chinese Monster Films

 A recent trend has been covering some Chinese Monster Films that are just plain silly.

Check out the Chinese Syfy Trash here...

1) Land Shark (2020)- MONDO BIZARRO: New International Trash: Land Shark (2020) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

2) Curse of the Kraken (2020)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Curse of the Kraken (2020) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

3) Python Island (2021)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Python Island (2021) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

4) Snow Monster vs. Ice Shark (2019)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Snow Monster vs. Ice Shark (2019) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

5) Blood Bite/Blood Shark/Horror Shark (2020)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Blood Bite/Blood Shark/Horror Shark (2020) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

6) Killer Bee Invasion (2020)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Killer Bee Invasion (2020) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

7) Metamorphosis (2022)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Metamorphosis (2022) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

8) Underground Monster (2022)- MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Underground Monster (2022) (mondobizarrocinema.blogspot.com)

9) Snake 2 (2019) - MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Snake 2 (2019)

10) Killer Shark (2021) - MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Killer Shark (2021)

11) Creature of the Mist (2022) - MONDO BIZARRO: Tubi Thursday: Creature of the Mist (2022)

More to come in the Future- no doubt!

Sunday, December 4, 2022

'70s Trash: Exorcist II- The Heretic (1977)

The year 1977 strikes again!  Is the third time the charm? 
Well, this was once deemed the 'second worst Film of all time,' so I'm going with 'No.'

This is Exorcist II- The Heretic, the Sequel that nobody wanted any part of that wasn't an Executive at Warner Bros. 
The Director- out. 
The Writer- out. 
Ellen Burstyn- out. 
They got Linda Blair by, allegedly, making a good Script and then spending the whole Production time rewriting into what we got here.

The Plot is, oh boy, something else.  In the time since her Exorcism, Regan has seemingly-repressed her memories of that night and just wants to move on with her life.  A Priest- Richard Burton- is called in to investigate the Priest from that Exorcism and meets her.  

They begin to experiment with parapsychology, which is a really bad idea.  Something something Locusts and something something Pazuzu returns.

Were The Golden Turkey Awards, right?  To find out, read on...

Burton- who allegedly took the role if the Studio would then cast him in Equus- is sent to investigate Father Merrin, who is retconed into being all about metaphysics and the World joining into a uni-mind.

Seriously, did that come up in THE Exorcist?

The other story is that Burton did this as a 'pay for a divorce' Film.  You decide which reason is better.
He meets up with Regan, who claims to not remember anything about the Exorcism.

The head Doctor- the late Louise Fletcher- has a way to help them both...
A 'synchronizer' allows her to join minds with Regan and see the night in question.

Screenwriting Tip- redo the finale of your last Film to remind the audience of that (better) Film and to reuse Actors whose characters are dead.

This is also not Blair in make-up, since she, understandably, didn't want to do that again!
The Film gives you some very weird visuals to, which makes up for the otherwise slow pacing and meandering nature of the Film.

Hey look- it's a Double Regan.  What does that mean?!?
The Film leans *really* heavily on this stuff as the effect of it is shown on Regan as Pazuzu begins to force his influence on her.  That and her joining minds with the Father...since, why not.

The Film tries to make a dramatic Scene where she is affected...while tap dancing at a Show.

Horror!
The Father- see above- links to Pazuzu and those affected by it/him in Africa in the past.  They are a swarm of locusts, which is both literal and metaphorical all at once.

It involves a man- James Earl Jones- who was once possessed by the Spirit but was exorcised.
This brought Father Merrin to him.

Just to note: Jones was heard, but not seen in the first Star Wars in 1977.  He was seen in this.
Since Blair was still turning down the make-up, Pazuzu fully possesses her...with glowing eyes.

Can the new Father save her?
Can this methodical Film come to a big, satisfying climax?

Well, a Townhouse collapses- because Demon- so...I guess so. 
 
Regan's Caretaker- subbing for her Mom, since Burstyn turned this down-dies and she leaves with the Priest.  I smell a sitcom...and zero follow-up.
The End.
A weird mashup of Genres that probably won't fully satisfy anyone.  If you're the Director and/or Writer, you'll say that you 'didn't give the Audience what they wanted.'  If you are the Audience, you'd say that you should *allegedly* throw stuff at the screen.

I was never that mad.  Besides, it was my TV- why would I ruin it?!?

The Film is an attempt to do something different, for better or worse.  Some Critics felt that the first Film 'exploited Blair' for Horror.  I think the bulk of Critics felt that this Film 'exploited her for a confusing Movie.'

Ironically, the genesis of rushing this Film out was to compete with stuff like The Omen.  No chance of that happening with the focus on Parapsychology, a World Mind and all of those damn Locusts.  Seriously, those things are both a literal threat and a metaphorical one- that's so lazy!

The Acting is mostly quite strong, even if some of the people- like Jones- are handicapped by the silliness around them (and how they dress).  Von Sydow is a nice addition and Fletcher is always good.  Burton is kind of a mixed bag, which makes sense if you consider half of the stories about him at this time.  Blair does her best here too, honestly.

If the Film was its own Story and not a Sequel to 'the scariest Film of all time,' it would probably be both less and better remembered.  It is not the 2nd worst Film of all time, not even in 1980 when the Book was written.

One last question- does anyone actually have this Book?

Next up, it seems like a logical thing to wrap up this Series, no?  All I've got left is the *other* cut of the Prequel.

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Tubi Thursday: Tentacles (1977)

 An accidental Theme happened with last week's Review of The Sentinel, the Film I watched yesterday (but will review tomorrow) and this Film.

Let's see just how derivative 1977 can be!

A (mostly-off-camera) Octopus begins killing people in the California area.

It also has the ability not to disrupt/splash water as it kills an old man and... a 10-month-old baby?
  
You don't mess around '70s!
The Film proceeds to set up a bunch of random Characters, since these '70s Films sure did manage to get more old Stars than you might think...

- A Reporter (John Huston!) investigates the strange deaths.
- His Sister (Shelley Winters) has a kid who's entering a boat race with his friend.
- A businessman (Henry Fonda!) is hiding a secret involving the latest device his company put in the water.
- A Whale Trainer (Bo Hopkins- RIP) loses two friends to the creature when they investigate the deaths.
Before they can figure out what is truly going on, his Wife's friends go out and killed in broad daylight.

She goes out that night and gets it too.

By the way, THIS is supposed to be the attack on the Film's famous Poster.
See the similarity?
It all leads to the big boat race, since so many of these involve a Scene like this (see The Last Shark, Deep Blood, etc) and the Monster attacks.

They try to be all classy here as the Scene plays out with only the Score playing and it is crosscut with people blissfully unaware on the shore.

...then they do this shot. 
When all else fails, there is only one solution...

Make that two.

Will Bob Hopkins' surprisingly maudlin speech do the trick?  

To find out, stream the Film now.
An alright Film, but even 2 years removed from Jaws, this already feels pretty stale.  The Film doesn't exactly make a big effort to be anything other than 'What if Jaws, but an Octopus.'

Is there a way to look at this Film than anything else besides another wannabe-Jaws?  Is it just White Buffalo or Orca or The Last Shark?  I mean...pretty much, yeah.

In the Film's defense, there's not as much xeroxing here as with The Last Shark.  There's no proper evil Mayor/Rich Guy to blame and there's not really an obvious Quint.  Bo plays a mix of that Character and Dreyfuss' Scientist.  So, points for being a slightly different Film in the most basic sense.

All of the Big Stars don't add too much to the Film really, other than their waning gravitas and Star Power.  Two of them- Huston and Winters- have nothing to do with the Story after the Boat attack.  Fonda only appears in a few Scenes, as he just had a pacemaker put in and couldn't do much more than sit/stand and talk.

Tentacles is at a weird crossroads.  It is not as goofy as stuff like Cruel Jaws, nor is it as good as actual Jaws.  It has brief moments of actual Horror and long stretches of nothing (like Deep Blood).  So what happens when you're not good enough to be a true Classic, but not bad enough to be a Cult Classic?

An alright Film with some odd Star Power of its day.  The titular creature doesn't quite do enough until the latter half of to keep most people's interest though.