SPOILER Reviews: The Black Water Vampire

After deciding not to SPOIL the Film in the original Review, I totally ruin that with this SECOND Review.

This is all SPOILERS, since this Ending bit needs to be examined in-depth!  You were triple-warned!

So this is another Film about Documentarians lost in the Woods.  Yadda yadda yadda.

Stay awesome, Bill.  You're the best part of this Film.

So now they get lost in the Woods, but keep going to...um, Film at the site the last Body was found.  Right...

As if the Title wasn't a SPOILER, the killer is a Vampire, which apparently has an arbitrary 10-year timeline built into its killings.  Why?  Who knows?

Oh and they end up in the Woods RIGHT ON THE SAME DAY that the killing 'must' take place.  This is an accident (it seems).

So here's the thing: my Disc would not play on the Computer after the first Hour (for Caps).  In lieu of that, let me just co-opt other Caps that work just as well.

After one of them dies (off-camera/existence), they find the people from earlier in the Woods.  They apparently work to feed the Vampire...for some reason.

Found Footage Film Cliché Unlocked.  Every freaking time!!!

The Cult takes the lone survivor and she gives birth to a Vampire Baby.  This apparently takes place a year later and they somehow let us see this Footage, because...um...The End. 

Alright, let me get the obvious stuff out of the way- the Film is alright.  It is really cliché, but at least picks up at the end.  It won't convince you to love the Sub-Genre or make you hate if you do.  With that out of the way, I will now ask the following questions...

- Why does anyone think that this guy killed people in 1972?  How old could he have been then?

- When did this group of people start to worship/support a Vampire?

- Did it make a pact with them?  Did it talk to them?

- Do the Vampires only live 10 years or what?

- Was the convicted guy just a Stalker that they pushed the whole thing on?

- Why is this Black Water Killings if they happened in a 25 MILE RADIUS of them?

- Did the other victims go near the Woods?  It is a good 2 day hike, so...how?

- Did they really go out on the exact same date as the killings BY ACCIDENT?

- How can this Vampire go out in the daytime?

- How long has it been there?

- Why does they keep stopping to stare at the creature as it stalks them?

- Why does it only ever do one move (hang upside down and attack)?

- How did it kill the guy in silence in broad daylight?

- Why did this Cult apparently release this footage revealing all of their actions?

- Why did they Film the Party a year later with NOTHING in-between?  Was it just off until then?

- Did nobody look for these people?

- How come all of the Editing (like inserts) was done by dead people?  Did they somehow Edit in real-time or something?!?

- Who Edited actual Police Footage into the 'Film?'  Did they sign off on this?

- Why is Bill Oberst Jr. only given ONE SCENE to work with?

Thanks- I feel better. The Black Water Vampire is alright, but just too 'stock' to impress.  So-so.