Friday, August 11, 2017

Quick Reviews: Robert (2015)

Forget about Annabelle!  Not in place of this Film, mind you- just forget it.  Since you won't, here is something similar...
This is based on a real Story.  The names were changed to...make the Film more interesting.

Now I have to go see the real one in Key West, don't I?
In a pretty pointless Cold Open, we learn that these random people's House isn't haunted- the doll is.

Yes, they ripped off Insidious.  Besides, the Dialog, just look at the Casting.
Three years later, the same woman is fired as a Housekeeper after 2 years.  In revenge, she takes out Robert (which was just in a briefcase) and gives 'him' to the son.

In the real Story, she is Bahamian, so enjoy your White-Washing.  In the real Story, nobody is British, so enjoy your...Brit-Washing?
Robert is apparently evil- some crap involving a dead kid's spirit- and apparently does everything off-camera.  You money-saving monster!
Like most Movie Demon-things, he mostly does a bunch of hijinks to annoy the Mother (with a history of psychological issues).

Weirdly, he does do bad stuff to a lady named Martha and one named Marcy.  No love for Macy or Marlene?
In spite of their inability to drive in a realistic manner, can our endangered couple survive their experience?  To find out, watch the Film (if you insist).
A British Full Moon is still not classy.  This Film is really not that good.  The premise- evil killer doll in a volatile family- should work.  Right off the bat, they make one big mistake- tipping their hand.  Annabelle worked- as much as it did- because we already knew the killer doll from its (forced) appearance in the first Conjuring Film.  Robert the Doll is not famous.  I had to Google it and I live in the State where it has been displayed for nearly forty years (see below).  By pointlessly-setting up the entire thing in the opening, all suspense is gone.  All you're left with is Characters that alternate between bland and annoying.  On top of that, the Budget clearly didn't allow for much in the way of interesting visuals.  All you get of what could be an interesting Scene is done in tightly-edited Flashbacks for no apparent reason!  Robert is not good.  All of the Sequels are probably not much better- although they apparently are set in the future somehow!- but I'll probably be stuck with them someday.  In the meantime, enjoy the cute, non-threatening Robert (complete with AHS Font)...
This is not good.  In spite of that, the Director has made 3 more!

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