Wednesday, March 2, 2016

New Crap: Bigfoot- The Lost Coast Tapes

Two things that aren't good separately remain not good together.  Today's Film is Bigfoot: The Lost Coast Tapes, a 2012 Horror Film.  So yeah, it is a Found Footage Film about Bigfoot.  Take that in for a moment.  Done doing that heavy sigh of sad realization?  Good.  The Film tells the tale of some folks who go out to the Woods to meet a man who claims to have the body of a dead Bigfoot.  Sadly, this guy calls some schmuck in exchange for $75,000 when Dean Cain would have given him $10 million just a year or so later!  Dammit!  This is all sorts of obvious, meandering and bad.  To see just how much, read on...
This guy is going with his friend and some others to document a dead Bigfoot.  He's thrilled.
Barely 10 minutes in and the Film hits a major roadblock- this guy in green.

He explains that he won't go, since black guys die in Horror Films.  Of course, they not making a Horror Film in the Story- they're making a Reality Show.  Even if they were going out to the Woods to make a Horror Film, this would just be stupid Meta Commentary.

Also Found Footage Films aren't Racist- everyone dies in them!
Moving past that bizarre non sequitur, the group goes out into the Woods and meets the man with the body.  He won't show it to them yet, since the Movie has to be 90 minutes long.
In lieu of actual drama, the Film gives you people standing around, random scratching noises and a shadow walking past a window.  Shockingly, this is the only Found Footage Film I know of that didn't show them going back to watch said Footage.
The next Morning, the guy runs off in a hurry and leaves them to wander around and film shit.  Boredom ensues.
Here's a unique cheat: they have people wearing those body rig things with cameras on them.  When something happens (like below) we get close-ups of their face...and that's it.

They had a bigger Budget on MTV's Fear, didn't they?
Without SPOILing the whole thing, I will tell you that the Story takes an odd turn, but don't worry...
...they still steal the Cannibal Holocaust shot.  Thank goodness.  The End.
Damn, this is bad.  I get it- you have no money, but you want to make a Horror Film.  Don't be a dick about it though.  The Story isn't original.  The Characters are not that likable.  The Film is not shot that well.  Found Footage Films can be good.  They usually aren't...but they can be.  This isn't.  There is no Bigfoot to note, so it isn't even worth it for the cheesy effects.  Just avoid it like I avoid groaning every time I see this cliche caption appear...
Next up, a Horror Film that was doubly-mislabeled by Netflix.  As a bonus, it appears to be a rip-off of a dozen better Movies and one shit one.  Stay tuned...

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