Monday, April 27, 2015

New Crap: Jurassic City

Some silly, silly crap.  Today's Film is Jurassic City, a piece of 2014 Sci-Fi Monster drivel.  This is the kind of crap that you see on Syfy or in a Redbox Kiosk.  I got it from Netflix, another good option.  It would be nice if all my Films arrived on time...but I'm sure that they are working on that.  I can't fault them for 10 years of good service and like one month of iffy shit.  Speaking of iffy shit, there's some notable people in this one.  Remember Vernon Wells?  He works all the time, you know.  To most of you, he's that guy with the Mohawk from The Road Warrior.  To some of you, he was the bad guy in an Animated Film (which I will cover shortly).  To one of you (Linkara), he was a bad guy on Power Rangers: Time Force.  How about Ray Wise?  I'm seeing alot of him these days, even if it is from a Show from 1991.  Lastly, there's 'That Guy Who Always Plays Hispanic Criminals, Save For the one Time He Played Mr. Zsasz in ''Batman Begins'' playing a minor role here.  Good for him- he's a Soldier in this one.  This Story involves Dinosaurs, a Prison and a Title that seems to belong to a Sequel (that might happen?).  It is silly, stupid and kind of fun at times.  To find out more (with minor SPOILERS), read on...
In a Los Angeles Facility, some guy made some Dinosaurs.  One nearly escapes.
The man: Vernon Wells, dressed like his character from The Drawn Together Movie: The Movie.
Nearby, a Prison run by Wise gets Wells' men and three Raptors in the basement, plus...
An escaped killer and our female leads- plus this redheaded lady that has done alot of Porn (IRL).
So now we have Raptors loose in the Prison (shocking!) and they make sure to rip off Jurassic Park.
On top of that, they steal a bit from Cemetery Gates in which this drugged-out chick thinks that the monster is a glowing bunny.  Random!
Can Wise and 'Yea- I'm Not Playing a Gang Leader For Once' Guy save the day?
Can the Film explain how a guy secretly made Raptors and a T-Rex in the middle of the City?  To find out, watch the movie!  The End.
This is...exactly what you expect.  Raptors in a Prison.  Soldiers fighting Raptors.  Ray Wise!  This is silly, stupid stuff.  The Plot involves an evil Industrialist, some Soldiers, a killer, some Pledges for a Fraternity in lock-up for a minor traffic violation and a Soldier who is apparently good (despite working for the bad guy).  There's nothing unique here.  There's nothing great here.  It can be fun if you watch stupid crap like this (guilty) and know what you're getting into.  It is what it is.  I do have to say this: why is this called Jurassic City when it is almost entirely set in a closed-off location.  Without SPOILING too much, the Film sets up stuff that would make the title more fitting...for a Sequel.  Will that happen?  Who knows?  I do know this.  You get to see a former Horror Lead and an embarrassing Typo together in one shot...
Next up, another Sons of Kong Film.  Even by the continually-lowering standard, this one is a mess!  Stay tuned...


  1. This looks so bad, I'm close to checking it out. It can't be much worse than last year's Dinosaur Experiment, or that found footage dino crap the year before.