Tuesday, April 14, 2015

DTV Trash: Curse of the Wolf (2006)

Crank up the Alt Rock and turn down the lights (on the Set)!  Today's Film is Curse of the Wolf, the 2006 Direct-to-Video Film and not the TV Movie.  That one can't be worse than this one...can it?  My only exposure to this Film was a Review of the Director's previous Film- 2005's Swamp Zombies.  That Film is full of bad kung-fu fights, silly make-up work, an Alt Rock Soundtrack and The Blue Meanie.  That one featured a barely-remembered WWE Star in a Minor Supporting Role- Dan 'The Beast' Severn.  The guy is more well-known for being an early and prolific UFC Fighter...but I don't watch that, so he's a WWE guy to me.  So that leads us to this Film.  It is by the same Director, features bad kung-fu fights, silly make-up work, an Alt Rock Soundtrack and The Blue Meanie.  What's different?  This one also stars Lanny Poffo.  That's right- THE Lanny Poffo.  He's pretty much the main motivation for me watching this, since he was just inducting his brother Randy 'Macho Man' Savage into the WWE Hall of Fame quite recently.  Was it worth it?  Mostly no, but some yes.  The Plot involves a lady Wolf who leaves her, well, Clan and they try to get her back.  Can she earn her freedom?  To find out, read on...
Random Werewolf Attack to Alt Rock Music- a great, insular view of this Film.  Oh boy.
As more Alt Rock blares, we see the two Big 'Stars' of the Film.  Poffo even gets top billing!
This lady has left her Clan of Werewolves (all four of them) and they want her back.  The only solution: bad kung-fu fighting!
This guy helps her escape at one point- making the villains look pretty weak in the process- and she goes to a dive bar.
The Boss- Lanny Poffo- lets them fight in the dimly-lit Bar until...well, he doesn't.

Just to be clear: these guys can do some moves, but it looks very fake.  Plus why does EVERYONE do Karate here?
Teaming with some of Poffo's men, our heroine fights her Clan, who have some make-up finally!
It still sucks and you barely see it...but it is there.  The explanation involves a Full Moon making them stronger or something...but who really cares?!?
The Clan is defeated, but our heroine may have lost her humanity too.  Poffo decides to 'save' her...by killing her.
...but she just gets up when he's gone in the morning and she leaves with the boyfriend.  The End.
This one sucks.  This one really sucks.  To be fair, quality can be subjective.  For example, you might like the mostly-tuneless, generic Alt Rock Music.  You might like the over-choreographed and under-performed kung-fu.  You might like the fact that everyone just doing kung-fu in a Bar and not question how stupid that is.  You might like the cheap, ridiculous make-up work for the Werewolves.  You might like the sub-par Acting and overall cheapness of the whole thing.  You might even like the pointless bit of Nudity they throw in.  Hell, you might even like The Blue Meanie and his 'funny' performance here.  I didn't.  I didn't like any of that.  There is a mild bit of amusement if you watch one of the Fight Scenes, but it fades quickly.  That's it, really.  The name Brain Damage Films might be most appropriate here then.  Well, at least as appropriate as this one...
Next up, another one from the Sons of Kong set.  This time, Boris Karloff is here and he brought a Gorilla.  Stay tuned...

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