Saturday, March 29, 2014

Mondo Bizarro's Top Ten Oddest Italian Films

Since it is nice and pouring outside, why not stay in and relive my past Film memories?  In honor of my kind-of-sort-of-Anniversary Month, I thought I'd do a few new Top 10 Lists.  After all, I've covered A TON of crappy movies on the site in the last 5 Years.  I've also covered a lot of, well, odd ones.  Many times the two lists overlap, but I'll try to focus this one.

Italy is a great Country and has a rich Film History.  I, however, tend to track down the weirdest and grossest Films that they do.

Runners Up: Graveyard Disturbance,  Demons 6: Profundis, The Church, The Beyond, The Mother of Tears, Dario Argento's Dracula 3-D and Demonia.

10. Gor: As far as odd goes, this one takes the cake by comparison to its source material.  The Gor tales are all about a Planet full of slave women and the men that control them.  All of that is pretty much gone in the film adaptation, leaving a pretty generic tale in its wake.

9. Sodoma's Ghost: Nazi Ghosts.  Need I say more?  Okay.  Nazi Ghosts in an Orgy.  There- that will do it.

8. Lucifera: Have you ever REALLY loved a painting?  This piece of Euro-Trash involves a young lady who stares a painting and wakes up in its setting.  What follows is a tale of Witches, some kind of Satan and a 'it was all a dream' Ending that was obvious from the get-go.

7. Dracula Blows His Cool: A Dracula Sex Comedy?  I think that this speaks for itself as well.

6. Troll 3: Contamination .7: The other Troll 3 is more that it is not about Ator.  Other than that, it features crawling vines, toy construction vehicles and, of course, no Trolls.

5. Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat: A film about a killer, ghost-possessed Cat.  Just think about that for a moment.  It is a film about many people who are killed by a tabby.

4. The Sect: I don't even know how to describe this one.  It features POV footage of a woman drinking a glass of water.  We see a Rabbit watching television.  By the time a bird pulls worms out of a lady's neck, I'm long passed understanding this one.

3. Mr. Hercules Against Karate: That's what killed Vaudville!  That one random joke is enough to have this film on the list.  The fact that it is about a bumbling strong man in China, but is directed by Antonio Margheriti is just icing on the cake.  A must see for Rare Film Buffs!

2. The Mummy Theme Park: After all of this time, it is still hard to top this schlockfest!  The title alone tells you a lot about what to expect.  The Story involving a Sultan offending an ancient Mummy as he prepares to open the titular park- gold.  Just don't make fun of any film by Massimiliano Cerchi or he'll bitch at you on Facebook.  Right, Maynard?

What can top this craziness?!?

1. Cat in the Brain: A film by Lucio Fulci about Lucio Fulci being driven crazy while filming one of his own movies (and the #9 Pick)- that's what.  Seriously, Fulci plays himself in this film which is about 2/3 Stock Footage and 1/3 Reaction Shots of the Director.  It is so Meta and weird that it hurts.

In closing, Italy- you're a weird country.  You have given us many great films...and what was just listed above.  Never change.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Cerchi, you douchebag...

    Um, where was I? Right. Well, as weird as Sect and Cat in the Brain, are, I love them both. Both highly inventive and super-crazy flicks.

    Black Cat isn't the best Fulci flick, but it's a solid one.

    Troll 3 and Sodoma's Ghosts are just dumb.

    I miss some really, really odd Italo-flicks, like "Paganini Horror" (undead Paganini with switchblade-violin, invisible barriers, death by fungus) or Claudio Fragasso's "Beyond Darkness aka La Casa 5" (boy from Troll 2, possessed antique radio, poltergeists and zombie witches)