Saturday, July 2, 2011

Vampire Racing: The Bleeding (2009)

Are we making way for a new horror film star?  Does the name Michael Matthias ring a bell to you?  No?  Well, he's the Producer/Star of today's film- The Bleeding.  Wow, that is generic as all hell!  This film was meant to be Matthias' big break, but history says that this probably will not be the case.  This film has a 2009 date attached to it, but was only released on DVD about two months ago.  What is the film about?  Well, vampires.  It's pretty by-the-book, but it tries to use a lot of stunt-casting to make you think that it's more than that.  I won't get into the exact details until further down, just so you'll be encouraged to read further.  Since this is a 'new' film (as much as Case 39 was last year, anyways), I'll make this relatively SPOILER-free.  Get out a tourniquet as we attempt to stop...
* Matthias is a man who seeks revenge on the vampire that killed his family (in flashback).  Armand Assante shows up for one scene to tell him to, well, go get revenge on the vampire that killed his family.  Pointless cameo- check.
* He meets up with DMX, whom he saves from some vampires, and then proceeds to get the history of vampires.  By the way, who's idea was it to have DMX do your exposition?  I can barely understand him!
* The information leads him to a priest played by Michael Madsen.  Get it- it's funny because he's a priest who's lazy, drinks and smokes!  You guys just put a costume on Madsen and filmed in his daily routine, didn't you?
* Big shock- the vampires throw a rave to kill lots of people.  Did I mention that this film is original?
* Kat Von D is here to play a vampire.  She's pretty much here for her looks and, I guess, the street cred she gives the film.  Her role is, of course, entirely pointless.
* Vinnie Jones aka The Juggernaut, Bitch plays the lead vampire.  There's also a twist involving his identity that I won't spoil.  Just a hint: it's really, freaking stupid!
* The day is saved- but at what cost?  I mean, we wrecked two nice cars for this.  The End.
I think I've seen this movie before.  The plot of the film is pretty basic, but it's not bad.  I would have liked to see the actual attack occur as the 'shock opening' and then show him in the hospital.  Instead, they show him near the climax of the film, going all the way back to when he is in the hospital, leave and then he has a dream/flashback to show the attack.  I get the whole In Media Res thing, especially when your opening is drawn out by Matthias' dull narration.  That said, it also kills the drama of 80% of the film, as I know that you won't die before the truck scene.  As I side-note, I also have to comment on some sloppy editing in that scene.  Matthias is firing two sub-machine guns in the wide shot, he suddenly has a shotgun in the close-up shot and then back to the sub-machine guns for the wide shot.  Can you not tell the difference between the two very different-looking weapons?!?  The key problem is that the film offers very little that's new.  The vampire rules are different here- big shock- but that only adds a little the plot, doing nothing to change the obvious course of events.  Throw in a bunch of tiny roles for minor stars, a supporting heroine who does nothing and a lead that just doesn't really sell you & you get a decent, but uninspiring action film.  It's honestly worth a look, since you might be more forgiving than me.  I'll leave you with one of the film's many, silly title cards...
Next up, July 4th is ushered in with style.  By that, I mean with a slasher film starring Ronald Reagan.  Stay tuned...

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