Thursday, July 28, 2011

Project Terrible: Dungeon of Harrow

Thanks for the No-Doze, Maynard!  I've seen a lot of dull films and this is one of them.  Is this movie a dull film like Web of the Spider or a terrible, dull film like Manos: The Hands of Fate?  Thankfully, it's more like the former than the latter, due to it's lack of Torgo and child brides.  The plot involves a boat crash, some sort of Manor Lord and a giant version of Shelton Benjamin (look it up, non-wrestling fans).  I wish I could say that this movie was interesting, unique or even held my attention for long stretches.  It wasn't and it didn't.  Of course, this is Project Terrible, so I shouldn't expect anything great.  I'll try to make the most of this situation and give you a good time.  For those of you who like to watch you suffer slowly, you're in luck!  Get out your hat of hope as we dare to enter the...
* A ship crashes into an island, leaving only two survivors.  On said island, a weird man lives in a castle with Manute Bol.
He's visited by a monochrome ghost that I'm sure is important.  Why it's important?  Who knows?
Our hero ends up as a guest of the Manor, while the Captain ends up in the titular Dungeon.  That hardly seems fair!
"I'm just going to hand out here for 80% of the movie," the Captain says, "This is actually more comfortable than it looks."
I should probably talk about the plot, but there's not much to say.  Instead, I'll ask about why smoke appears to be coming from this lady's head.  To quote The Hurricane, 'Wassup with that?!?'
Ooh, a ghost!  That should keep my attention for at least five....sorry, what just happened?
In The End, our hero takes care of the bad guys, but gets left behind on the island.  Apparently, he's been cursed...or something, with the film revealing him to be the gray-haired narrator from the whole film.  Oh- I thought it was Sam Waterston!
Why is there a keyboard impression on my face?  The plot of this film is just kind of there.  There's nothing epic in terms of it being bad, good or silly.  It's a haunted house film, but with no purpose or atmosphere.  Then again, I downloaded this from a website, since a proper DVD is not available from Netflix.  Does the lame, pan-and-scan transfer hurt the film?  Yes.  However, this film would not exactly have been great if I was watching it on a Blu-Ray Disc either!  There's not a lot to say about this movie, since there's not much to it.  I'm sure that some of you will get more out of this than I did.  Of course, you'd have to actually watch it to do so, making me fairly sure that I won't get any negative feedback on this.  Take us away, magically-disappearing blond wig...
 *** Wait- what happened? ***
Up next, a film by the man behind Rawhead Rex.  No, not Clive Barker (technically)- the obscure Director behind it.  Stay tuned...

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