Syfy Channel Week: Yeti- Curse of the Snow Demon

The hills are alive with random numbers of Yeti!  To start out Syfy Channel Week, I'll go with a movie that Syfy itself promoted for it's silly effects.  Back during Monster Madness (their play on March Madness- ha ha), the website had match-ups between their film monsters and, to help with voting, provided clips.  Essentially, they spoiled all of the movies by just showing you the kill scenes.  Gee, I totally have a reason to see Venus Fly-Shark (not a real movie...yet) now that I've seen all of the people die from the film and all of the major F/X shots!  In spite of that, I still tracked down this movie and watched it.  I'm a glutton for punishment. This movie's plot is a mix of the Man Against Nature genre and the Monster in the Woods genre.  Yes, that is an odd combination.  It also has a sub-plot involving cannibalism and possibly sets a record for taking the longest time to connect it's two plots.  This is the kind of crap you'll always see on Syfy, so it's a fitting way to begin this week.  Cook them bones as we prepare to make camp with the...

We get the Syfy Opening in the form of two hikers wandering into a cave & getting killed.  They get a tacit mention later in the film, but are ultimately pointless to the plot.  We jump to a bad model...I mean, a plane full of people.  The premise is a bit silly: the team is going to Japan to play in a Championship football game.  That's...a bit of a stretch, guys.  Big shock- the plane crashes.  This makes me yearn for such films as Turbulence 2 or...Turbulence 3.  I hope you got to like these characters in their five minutes of screen time, because they're just about all you get.  The survivors talk about what they have to do to survive.  I should also mention that all of the authority figures on board are either dead or will be soon.  I'm stuck with you people?  Someone kill me now!  Oh look- a Yeti.  He can do the trick.  After all, he manages to kill one of the players and trap the other in a cave.

For a film called Yeti, the guy doesn't exactly do a whole lot!  His big act is to just eat the dead bodies of the players that have been left out in the snow.  Other than that, the people bicker and sit around in the cold.  In the aforementioned sub-plot, a pair of people are called to go rescue the team.  They...don't do a whole lot either.  Yeah, this is more Alive than The Abominable Snowman.  Did you confuse the idea of a 'framing device' with an 'overbearing plot?'

For the Third Act, the title creature finally gets off his ass and does something for more than five seconds.  Oh yeah, he also multiplies into two Yetis.  No, they didn't build that up at all- thanks for asking.  The rescuers finally show up, but they get killed with pretty apparent ease.  In an amazingly-confusing blooper, the guy shown on the DVD box, the DVD menu and the DVD itself is wearing the wrong jacket (see my title card).  I mean, that's something special!  The 'Guy Who Was A Jerk The Whole Time' continues to be a jerk and makes a break for it, only to be killed by the Yeti, who uses the power of super-jump to kill him!  Holy shit- why were you holding on to this ridiculous power for nearly 70 minutes?!?  You know what- review over.  Nothing will top this moment...

You'll believe that a Yeti can super-jump!  The plot of this movie is pretty basic.  Like a lot of these Syfy Channel films, they don't try too hard.  This one is notable for putting it's focus more on the characters than the monster attacks.  Of course, these aren't interesting, notable or all-that-good characters.  The fact that they ignore the monster for them is not exactly the kind of thing that I was hoping for.  That said, the movie is not that bad, has a good Yeti suit and features a completely-ludicrous power for the creature right before the end.  There's also an amazing Poor Bastard of Cinema, but I'll save that for his own induction.  It's not the worst Syfy Channel film, but it's also not exactly a 'good' film either.  Seriously, why did they re-shoot the part where the guy is killed by the Yeti?  It's the same guy, but just a different jacket!  Take us away, Yeti who likes to cuddle...

Up next, Roger Corman strikes again with a film about a creature that is neither dinosaur nor shark.  It does, however, try to kill the guy from Skyline.  Stay tuned...