Lock Me Up!: Alien vs. Hunter

How did you guys not get sued?  I mean, really?!?  Did they just not care enough to put a lawsuit on paper or something?  The question is raised by today's film: Alien vs. Hunter or AVH: Alien vs. Hunter.  Pick your poison!  It's a shame that they went in such a cliche route too, as I was really looking forward to Woody Allen vs. Predator, Alien vs. The Shark- Nature's Predator or even Alien vs. Predator: The Quietus.  So what is their film about?  It's about an alien and a hunter ending up on Earth & killing anyone they run into. Ironically, the setting and plot actually fit Alien vs. Predator: Requiem...a film that wasn't made yet.  I'd almost claim that the Alien vs. Predator guys stole the plot from this movie, but it's too stock to really claim as 'theirs.'  So we've got a stupid/generic plot and special effects that are bound to suck, but who's the 'star who could have done better at one point and time?'  Why it's William Katt, the star of House, Cyborg 3 and Mirrors 2.  I apparently can't get enough of this guy!  That may change after this movie, but there is House IV looming on the horizon.  Put on your Rick Baker and H.R. Giger shirts as we see the epic encounter of...

The film begins with William Katt jogging down a road as a meteor crashes in the background.  Yeah, your iPod is so loud that you can't hear that!  He gets picked up by a cop buddy of his and taken to the site of a wrecked trailer.  Why?  Because he's a Reporter, a plot point that will be brought up about a dozen times, but really has no impact on the story.  They check out the place, but the cop fails to see the giant hunk of rock behind the trailer.  Wouldn't you at least smell the burning?  Of course, it is a trailer park.  The duo flee and we awkwardly transition to William meeting up with the daughter of the woman who lived in the wrecked trailer. Blah blah blah, they wander around the woods until the cop's SUV drives by, only to be turned into a CG model and hit by a spider-bodied alien thing.  They run back to a house where they meet up with the rest of the cast- about seven people.  This apparently one Saloon away from a ghost town!  William decides that their best course of action is to wander through the Woods and find the car from earlier, so it's off they go!

As they wander about the Woods, a skeptic lady talks about how the whole 'alien' thing is just made up.  Naturally, the creature is a fan of dramatic timing and waits for her to be in mid-sentence before pulling her away and killing her.  How nice.  They run across the dead cop and another character, a businessman who is looking for his wife.  They go to the house of a nearby hunter, who lives at a location that you'll see in another Asylum film this week.  He sets them up, but no calls out or transportation are really available.  It's around this time that they begin to talk about the other predator in the Woods- a hunter from another planet.  Well, he's in weird armor and fires a laser gun, so he's probably from another planet.  He seems to be chasing the spider-alien thing too, but is also willing to shoot anyone else out there.  He gets into a stand-off in a day-for-night scene, since they decided to bring back that film cliche.  It's all dramatic and what-not, but nothing is resolved.  Realizing that the barn is not safe, they go through a tunnel under the house.  Katt goes out with the human hunter, thus splitting up the group and the narrative.  It's easier to tell two shorter stories than one complete story, I guess!

Katt and the hunter meet up with three other guys & try to find something to shoot.  The Hunter finds them, however, and takes out two of the new guys.  The Alien doesn't want to be out-done and takes out one as well.  The others wander through the tunnels as a few of them get killed.  Somehow, they end up on the Hunter's ship and find an Alien corpse on-board, whose skull they make a shield out of.  Don't worry- this never becomes important either.  The group finally reunite, but it's only after the hunter- whose daughter was with the other group- is killed by the Alien.  Our heroes have one final battle with the interplanetary baddies, which results in even more deaths.  No, not those people who I never cared about!  Ultimately, the Hunter fights the others, while the lead woman blows up the Alien with the Hunter's gun.  The Hunter just kind of leaves as the group attempts to return to normal.  In the film's Epilogue, we see the Hunter go back on his ship and take off his helmet to reveal him as...human.  Dun dun dumb!  TheEnd.

Whoever wins, the audience loses!  The plot of this movie is decent, but a bit scattershot.  Some plot points are mentioned a dozen times, but prove to be very unimportant.  On the flip-side, others come out of nowhere and also prove to be unimportant.  A little consistency is all I ask for!  While I really want to bash the Special Effects here, there are a couple of good points.  For the Alien, they use a model for most of the body.  For some reason, they made it a spider, thus requiring either complex model work and camera moves...or a CG body.  Why?  You actually had a decent- albeit fake-looking- model of the suit to work with!  You've stolen failure from the grasp of mediocrity!  Most of the acting here is either pretty stock or not that good.  William Katt is, of course, the best guy in the whole movie.  That seems to be a pattern with him, at least in the films of his that I've seen.  Of course, he's not in the best company, so it's kind of a minor victory.  The movie is good for some laughs, but a lot of it is pretty tedious.  One unintentionally-hilarious bit has the hunter's daughter running in the woods from the Hunter's sights.  The look on her face is...well, ridiculous.  Was this the best take?  Futhermore, was this worth holding for at least thirty seconds and putting through more than one filter?  I think not.  While it's not as funny as you might think, it is kind of funny.  At least you have that face to laugh at...

Next up, Katt's Cyborg 3 co-star Zach Galligan stars in an Asylum film that is a subtle rip-off.  When in doubt, replace zombies with mummies.  Stay tuned...