Quick Reviews: Yakuza Apocalypse

After all this time wondering what the Film would be like, I now know.  I'm still not sure what the point of all of it was though...

Our Hero is a Yakuza in a small Town who is both nice (for a Yakuza) and doesn't fit in.  You see, his skin is so sensitive that he doesn't have the trademark tattoos!  Also he cares for this blinded lady.

After a while working with his Boss, he experiences a whole mix of emotions.  Rage at seeing his Boss attacked, shame at being taken down by the same assailant (that bad-ass guy from The Raid) and sadness as his Boss literally has his head ripped off.

One last emotion to go: confusion as his Boss' head is still alive and bites him!

He is now a Yakuza Vampire! 

When he bites people and they die, they come back as Vampires...that are also Yakuza Members in their minds.

That's...different. 

After all this initial set-up, the Film gets...weird.  I know it started out that way, but gets so much more!

The Villains include this guy who dresses like a Witchfinder (and speaks English), an actual Goblin and the whole thing builds up to a big evil coming to town...who's a person in a frog mascot suit.

The thing just keeps going and none of it really makes much sense.  The frog fights the Vampires and this is somehow signaling the end of the World.

I can't really SPOIL anything that I can't explain, right?  The End.

I honestly don't know what this is.  The premise is fun.  Mixing a tale of Yakuza Members and Vampires is interesting.  They come up with and play off some interesting ideas.  For example, the Boss kidnaps Criminals until they forcibly convert to good...whereupon he feeds on them.  Why the first part?  Because Yakuza blood is apparently not as satisfying or nutritious.  I don't know or care why this makes sense, but it is interesting.  The Film, unfortunately, goes completely bonkers about halfway through and I never really could follow it. Our Hero converts the entire Town, so a Yakuza with white goop that leaks from her head (for no clear reason) plants seeds with said goop to grow new Civilians.  The effect used to show it is some sort of weird Stop-Motion thing...but it's followed by a shot of the other Yakuza's being confused.  It makes it seem like she was just imagining that last part...but I guess she wasn't.  I also don't know why the ultimate evil is a person in a frog suit.  I don't know why they are wearing a second frog mask underneath.  I don't know why peeling a sticker off of their belly button makes a big laser shoot out.  I don't know why it suddenly grows like a Power Rangers Villain (and returns to its suit-wearing form).  I don't know why the Film just kind of stops abruptly.  Yakuza Apocalypse is interesting at first, but I can't make a damn bit of sense of the final product.  As much as I want to, I can't recommend it to most people.  It's...all but nonsensical, even by Miike's standards.  It does give me some great advice to apply to my own life though...

If you can make heads or tails of this, you may enjoy it.  I wanted to like this a lot, but ended up just more confused than anything!