Saturday, February 18, 2017

Fanged Crap: The Vulture's Eye

It took me 4 sessions to get through this one.  Today's Film is The Vulture's Eye, a 2004 Horror Film that somehow got on Video.  It showed up in a Set that I didn't buy- just for the record- and is just plain bad.  It includes Vampire Stakes, the Film about Vampires from another Dimension trying to conquer the Earth (by way of Los Angeles).  That Film also has the Lead Vampire be bullet proof, so...good stuff.  With three more Films to go, I've really put this Set off.  A while back I tried to watch this, made it half an hour in and gave up.  I trudged back in...and it was just as bad as before.  Despite how many bad Movies I watch, they don't get easier- in case you were wondering.  As my Teaser said, this is a no-Budget Remake of Dracula.  It is 'What if Dracula was in Pennsylvania and set on a Ranch.'  They do deviate from the Plot a little, but pile on so many problems.  I could spend all day complaining about this, but I'll try to be concise.  Oh and this background is bs- plain and simple.  They literally show you the real villain in the first box there...and show you someone else on the background.  Just...just stick me with here...
This is Mina and Lucy.  They live in Pennsylvania and ride Horses.

Honest question- is Mina a common name?
Mina's Husband/Fiance/Who Cares returns from Sierra Leone, where he was held captive by some bad guy.  He escaped...or was let go...or something.
Here's a 'fun' waste of time: we get to see Mina reading the guy's Diary against some wood paneling...and him saying the same stuff aloud.  They cross cut between them- annoying.
This was necessary?
Their Van Helsing is some fat bloke who dresses like Truman Capote.  Great introduction!
Lucy is attacked by the Dracula fill-in (the evil guy from Africa) jittery flashbacks.  Every Scene like this is shown as a terrible-looking Flashback and/or intercut with a normal Scene.

Naturally, Lucy dies...just kind of suddenly.
On the plus side, they have one legitimately-freaky and scary bit.  They run it too long, but it happens.  Once.
In contrast to that, enjoy Dracula's barely-explained Brides awkwardly biting and flailing as this Movie out Blair Witches that famous Film and its Shaky Cam.  It is bad.
Mina is turned- again, in an annoying Flashback- and our Heroes try to save her.  Before they arrive, she kills 'Dracula.'  Alright then.
She subsequently wanders into the Woods and lays down.  She's killed.  Alright then.  The End.
Bad.  So bad.  So very, very bad!  The Vulture's Eye is a truly dreadful adaptation of 'Dracula.'  As I've said 7,003 times by now, I don't solely hate a Film due to it having no Budget.  I liked both of the Films by Brad Jones and they had the Budget of a small Car purchase.  I also don't like Films with giant Budgets if they suck.  In this case, the Film has no Budget (save for a few moments of decent Make-Up) and is terrible.  The Film is shot in a terrible way.  The Film is not Acted that well.  The Film is slow-paced and meandering.  The Film tells its Story in a bad way.  It wastes lots of time on random shots of (not hidden) Fences and then jumps ahead with the Flashbacks.  Why can't important Scenes happen in order?  I blame Tarantino.  While they show random stuff like Horseback Riding and Mina floating in a Boat, they don't show us key moments.  For instance, Lucy's escape from her coffin- not shown.  What happens when her Fiance discovers that she's a Vampire for the first time- not shown.  How they somehow knocked her out and dragged her back to the Coffin- not shown.  I'll just trust you on this kind of stuff, Film!  This is bad.  It isn't funny bad.  It took me less times/attempts to finish stuff like Actium Maximus, so just avoid it.  I'll leave you with whatever the hell this is...
Next up, a Mondo Macabro Film!  This one is all about fire- enjoy.  Stay tuned...

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