Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Project Terrible 7: Demon Seduction

Terrible, terrible, terrible.  Is this word over-used in reviews of movies?  Maybe.  When someone questions minor plot issues in The Dark Knight Rises & says that the movie is suddenly 'terrible' for it, I would agree.  When someone talks about a movie about Alien ladies (not in costume) having random sex scenes loosely-tying a sci-fi plot together, I would not!  Today's movie is called Demon Sex.  Here's the thing: it's about Aliens.  Soak that one in, folks.  I haven't seen misleading title work so bad since...well, a couple Project Terrible rounds back.  Yes, I'm still mad about Mummy Maniac!  Here's the oddly-good thing about the movie: there's not much I can actually review here.  Skipping past the pointless stripping and sex scenes, there's about 20 minutes worth of 'material' here.  It's like a Half Day at School all over again!  The 'plot' involves DNA splicing, random sex and a cult full of ladies.  This should be 'fun.'  To see how bad what little of the film I can actually review is, read on...
The film opens with four minutes of dull exposition about gray aliens, reptilian men and their war.  They can't afford to show any of it, so enjoy these random sketches placed in front of some drapes.
The plot: this fat guy is working for some other guy (who is working for a lady from Mark of the Astro-Zombies) to clone alien DNA from a skull that they found.  Computers can just do that, apparently.
I hope you like stripping because a good ten minutes of this stops the 'plot' cold.  We're six minutes in, so why not?!?
A cult full of ladies is apparently behind this, as illustrated by two scenes of the most famous actress *in this movie* sitting in a bath with the fat guy's boss...not that the two ever meet.
The cult's efforts are mostly them torturing this one guy- after his two sex scenes- and pouring fake blood on our heroine.  I call her 'our heroine,' even though she does jack shit here.
Not to be content with just being pointless, Demon Sex tries to be extra silly by filming a screen *showing* some pole-dancing...and later showing the actual footage properly.  That's...clever?
In a major anti-climax (pun intended), all of the men are killed with zero effort.  This one guy even tosses his own head off after being hit by a Scythe.

Science Fact: the human head contains a flashlight that makes it easier to see at night, but only when it's cut off.
On top of that, the alien baby is born and the Earth is doomed...I guess.  Oh and 'our heroine' randomly dies in the shower with the baby because...um, blood.  The End.
You're Terrible...but also easy to fast-forward through.  Can I ask a real obvious question- is this supposed to be Porn?  I mean, if it is, I'm not sure that I get it.  Would someone seeking Porn go 'Yea- four minutes of stupid exposition about alien races!' or would they just go 'Where are the boobs?!?'  Ignoring that, the horror elements are pretty major at times.  Are there people that need pointless sex scenes and horribly-fake gore to get off?  If so, please don't tell me!  Skipping past that horrible 'revelation' quickly, this movie is just awful.  Even if you like the Porn aspects, they stop the story cold.  If you like the porn aspects, the constant spraying of fake blood that makes Evil Dead 2 look like The Lord of the Rings Trilogy in terms of budget must be distracting!  There's barely any story here and really goes nowhere.  One sub-plot involves the fat scientist bringing his Strip Club-owning friend in on a 'business venture' to sell the DNA formula.  Where does it go?  What does it achieve?  It just gives us another gore scene (and the 'head light' scene above).  Dig the improvised (read: redundant) dialogue in the scene too!  If you want to see a dull film about Aliens (Demons) that is full of random stripping, I recommend...that you seek help.  What's wrong with you?!?  Enjoy this dead dummy and consider what's wrong with you...freak.  :-)
Next up, Adrian Paul is in my cross-hairs for his slew of crappy movies.  First up, a film that's Transformers meets Eagle Eye.  Stay tuned...


  1. pointless stripping scenes? only about 20 minutes worth of 'material'? sounds like a David DeCoteau flick :D

  2. Wow, I almost feel bad for giving you this movie....... almost. It was obviously pointless and worthless - I don't blame you at all for fast forwarding! "Demon Seduction/Sex" is the title but it's about aliens? Strip scenes? Okay, maybe I do feel bad for giving you this....

  3. It's like a DeCoteau film, if it was made for some $1 Bin Horror Movie Magazine, Maynard.

    I live by the crappy movie and die by the crappy movie. I wouldn't give you stuff like 'The Garbage Pail Kids Movie' if I was afraid of getting crap in return, Michele.

    Besides, as I said, it was a 'quick watch.' :-)