A Review in Pictures : Forbidden World

It's raining exploitation!  As part of the new Roger Corman's Cult Classics collection, a lot of films are seeing the light of day in better quality than ever.  Case in point- Forbidden World.  Not to be confused with the 1950's classic, this movie never saw a real DVD release until now, having to be content with a VHS one and a Laserdisc one.  It could be worse- you could be Elves!  So what is the movie about?  Well, in theory, it's a pretty paper-thin Alien rip-off.  Under the Director's watchful eye, the film is a bit more than you might expect.  The plot has some more twists to it than you might expect, while also providing a lot of pulp moments not from the Alien films.  In order to help produce more DVD rentals/sales of this film (which has a nice 2-Disc Version), let's do a Review in Pictures.  Prepare to journey into the...

* A 'fixer' is called in to help a colony with a problem.  What kind of problem?

* Yeah, that would be a problem.  Especially since it is evolving and cannot be killed.

* It's also taken to killing the members at the Station.  The doctor takes it well...

*As part of the creature's evolution, it appears to turn into a mix of Geiger's creation and the creatures from The Giant Spider Invasion.

* The creature's victims begin to melt, which is due to the creature's long-term plan.  Basically, we = food.

* Only one thing can cause a hyper-evolving alien creature to vomit....

...of course, I'm not going to say what it is.  Let's just say that you probably won't guess what it is.  The End.

Holy exploitation, Batman!  The plot of this movie is certainly odd, but I liked it.  The movie focused on what it deemed important- nudity and violence.  There is a lot of blood here, as well as a pair of gratuitous nude scenes.  One of them is more famous than, well, the movie itself.  In spite of that, the film works in a lot of ways.  Is it a great film?  No.  It sure is fun, however, and I don't feel bad for seeing it.  If you like pulp and good times, watch this movie.  If you don't, then you should probably avoid most Corman films.  If that is not enough of an endorsement for the film, feast your eyes on this...

Up next, June begins with a two-part look at a crazy Japanese film.  It's like fan-fiction...but hundreds of years old.  Stay tuned...
  

VHS For The Win: House 4

With the final House film represented, maybe now we can see a film that is more consistent and logical in tone.  Then again...

Well, I'll hand it to you- that's interesting.  I also like how congenial the evil spirit appears to be here.

Of course, its subtitle makes me think of Repossessed- which is never a good thing!

Up next, a title that is as generic as generic can be.  Will the box art redeem it however?  Stay tuned...

A Tribute to Movie Soldiers

In honor of Memorial Day, I decided to pay tribute to some of the most committed soldiers in cinema history.

In G.I. Samurai, a group of soldiers end up in Feudal Japan & have to fight for their lives.  I bet you didn't see that in the brochure, guys!

Semper Fi!  Starship Troopers is a film full of committed and bad-ass soldiers.  These guys don't take crap...until they get ripped apart by pincers.

Lastly, the Emperor has a very direct approach for his army in Starcrash- he shoots them in ships shaped like missiles at the enemy!

How do you sign up for an army that fires you in a missile at the enemy?  That requires some serious balls!

Seriously though, Memorial Day is an important day for actual soldiers.  More power to you, guys!
   

Instant Foreign: Dark Portals- The Chronicles of Vidocq

Pardon my French!  This import film is a curious bit of history mixed with fantasy.  There was a real Vidocq, who is considered to be the Father of modern Criminology.  That is very interesting...but not considered enough for the people involved.  Instead, the plot involves a masked killer named The Alchemist who is killing people through fantastical means and stealing their souls.  Yeah, that's a bit of stretch.  It's interesting to note that this movie seems to be tailor-made for International success...but came to America nearly six years after its original release.  The movie is also the Directorial debut of Pitof, the man most famous in America for Directing 2003's Catwoman.  It's kind of a big strike against the guy, especially given that he won a Golden Raspberry Award for it and all.  The film, however, stars Gerard Depardieu- quite possibly the most renowned French actor in America.  Will this film succeed or just smell like brie?  Find out as we hop down one of the...

The film begins with the title character (Vidocq) chasing down a villain in a strange mask.  The guy is dressed like Meng's henchman from Flash Gordon and has a golden mask that shines strangely.  I feel like I started the film in the climax, but let's just go with it.  Vidocq (Depardeau) has a fight with the man/creature, but gets his ass-kicked.  This is all shot in high-speed, 'can't keep up with anything' vision, making it disorienting.  Knocked into a pit, Vidocq asks to see the fiend's face, a request that's granted before he falls in.  With that, the titular hero of the film is dead.  Movie over?  Nope.  Instead, a young biographer for the late-detective shows up, hoping to solve the crime and catch the detective's killer.  The partner retells the events that led up to the beginning/middle of the film.  It all starts with two men walking in a field and being struck by lightning.  No, really.

So the film is a bit confusing.  You see, we follow the young guy talking to people.  This leads to flashbacks.  After that, he'll wander about some more.  I'm sorry, but why couldn't you tell this story in normal order?  Is that not 'cool' enough for you?  Hell, why couldn't you just go from the fight in the beginning and lead all the way up to it?  Oh right- the plot.
* A trio of men were killed by the masked man.
* They had a connection to a faux Chinese dancer and were obsessed with their own looks.
* They kidnap virgins for...well, guess.
* Random Vidocq/villain fight!

I can't tell you a whole lot about the plot without spoiling too much of it.  I mean, it is a mystery film, after all.  Basically, you will need to know this...
* The biographer continues to investigate the crime.
* The witnesses tend to die after revealing just enough exposition to keep the plot going.
* The police follow the guy, fearing that he will be the next victim.
* The police and our heroes have a showdown with the villain (The Alchemist).  The reveal of his identity is, well, stupid as hell.  I won't say who it is, but it's pretty damn stupid!
* The day is saved...except for the impending February Revolution.  I smell a sequel...that hasn't been made in the last ten years.  The End.

Style over substance!  The plot of this movie is kind of interesting, but a lot of things drag it down.  The biggest thing, of course, is the way it is put together.  Seriously, the constant jumping between past and present is confusing!  Why can't you use linear storytelling?!?  There is no good reason to tell the story in this manner, other than to build up to the stupid reveal of the villain's identity.  One stupid thing is used to justify the other?  Brilliant!  That said, the acting is pretty good (this is the only Instant Foreign film without Dubbing) and the film has a unique style.  Pitof, you see, started out as a Visual Effects guy for such films as Alien Resurrection.  As such, he brings a neat look and color scheme here.  The problem for me, however, is that it's a bit distracting.  The thing is often too flashy for its own good, especially when you throw in the iffy camera-work.  I can't follow this movie, especially when the whole screen is bright red!  Is the film great?  No.  Is it worth a look?  Absolutely.  As a French film, it is pretty accessible to most people, even if the mystery is a lead-up to, well, stupidity.  Take us away, pre-Sin City visual...

Next up, the month wraps up properly with a film I kept forgetting to review.  Is this Corman film a classic or crap?  Stay tuned...

Instant Foreign: Paintball

Paintball- really?  This totally-real film comes to us from Spain.  Why?  Who knows?  Honestly, I'm not that surprised by this movie existing.  After all, the game of paintball was an important plot point in Friday the 13th, Part 6: Jason Lives.  No, really- check it out!  So what is the plot of this movie?  Basically, a game of paintball leads to murder.  That and...no, that's pretty much it.  Continuing the theme of the week, people also act like complete and total assholes to each other for no reason!  So yeah, let's get to it.  Guard your balls as we prepare to play...

A bunch of people go out to play a military-themed Paintball game.  It's simple- they must race through a field to find a series of objectives before another team finds theirs.  We quickly learn two things about the group.  First- they have pretty much no character.  Aside from how stock they're written, they spend most of the film wearing big masks and running.  Second- what little character they show just proves that they are all assholes.  I mean, just wow.  What is the point in filling a film with characters that I want to see die?  As far as the actual plot goes, the group make it to their first objective and find...a bullet-proof vest.  Why would you need that unless someone was firing real bullets?  Oh wait- someone is now.  Ouch.

If you like running and whining, you're in luck!  Seriously, that's about all they do.  They get shot at, bicker and run around some more.  I love how they continue to carry around their paintball guns this whole time, as if they would do them any good.  Are you planning to shoot the guy with paint until he agrees to not kill you?

*

By the way, I didn't muster up the interest to watch all of this film.  If you want to, more power to you.

Paintball is scary!  The plot of this movie is just kind of silly.  I mean, it's treated like a serious thing...but it's not.  A guy/group of guys is trying to shoot people who are out playing Paintball.  Would any explanation for this do?  Seriously?!?  That said, the film is shot well, the dubbing (thanks for the lack of options, Instant Viewing!) is alright and it does capture the frenetic tone that they were going for.  The trade-off, of course, is that it's hard to really focus on it.  Add in the fact that the characters are always running and wearing masks with the hand-held camera motif & you get a hard film to follow.  I think the lesson is that only one source can make Paintball fun to watch- the makers of Community.  Take us away, Aved!

Up next, we wrap up the official reviews with another French film.  Does its star power cover for the fact that it's by the director of Catwoman?  Stay tuned...

Impossibly-Cool Cover Art: Jaws 5 (Part 1)

Bruno Mattei's Jaws 5 is one of the more infamous films out there on the video market.  It's just so shameless and...

Awesome!  That giant, phallic symbol is doing its best 'bad-ass walk away from an explosion!'

Of course, that's obviously not what the shark looks like and this probably never happens.  Thank you, stock footage.

Next up, another poster graces the site.  I'm giving this film more care and attention than Bruno did!  Stay tuned...

Poor Bastards of Cinema: Hell's Trap

I hope you don't like random characters!  In this Mexican film, a guy runs a shop that sells hunting equipment...

He seems nice enough, selling the equipment to our heroes.  He even warns them not to go out, due to the killer.  How does this turn out?

The crazed Vietnam vet kills him.  Why?

Seriously, what inspired 'Mexican Rambo' to do this?  Is it all about him selling the guns to our heroes and he got his arm blown off?  Furthermore, the two have lived together for a long time in peace.  Weird.

Next up, I begin a multi-part look at the Poor Bastards from Cemetery Gates.  It's going to be random!  Stay tuned...

Instant Foreign: High Lane

Parlez vous crap?  This French film is an interesting one in that it appears to be ripping off a couple different films.  Any fan of modern French cinema shouldn't be surprised by this, as the country appears to have just discovered the Grindhouse craze of the 1970's over the last several years.  Killer children?  Ils has them.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre knock-offs?  Frontiers is one.  How about a movie where a pregnant woman is chased by a knife?  Okay, you guys still own that bizarre idea.  So what is High Lane?  In essence, it's The Descent...just in reverse.  They also throw in some Texas Chainsaw Massacre to boot.  I hope you like bickering people!  Let's just skip right up with our helicopter to the...

Basically, a bunch of people go hiking.  Two of them are really into it.  The other three have their own little drama going on.  One of the guys is dating the other girl on trip, while the other guy used to date her.  Who arranged this trip exactly?  As if the forced love triangle was not enough, she has some sort of vague trauma that the film keeps cutting back to via flashback.  If you want a good explanation for it, look elsewhere.  I honestly have nothing here!  I should also point out that the boyfriend is afraid of heights...and also an idiot for going here!  They climb for a bit and cross a conveniently-placed bridge.  Oops, it just collapsed.

More bickering and climbing occurs after the collapse.  You see, that was the only way across.  Who designed this path- the Bender family?!?  The group gets split up and one guy gets caught in a bear trap.  Things only get worse as he's kidnapped and tortured when left alone.  Don't worry- they find him later for one of those 'I get to say one sentence and die' moments.  The rest wander about a bit until another one of them gets killed.  It may have something to do with this guy...

The whole ending of the movie feels like what they wanted to do the whole time...but couldn't or wouldn't.  They run afoul of the killer- who's more armed and resourceful than Rambo himself!- and they tease torture for a bit.  In lieu of that actually happening, the guy skulks about a cuts up dead bodies.  You totally killed those corpses dude!  The characters continue to act like assholes and not work towards their own self-preservation.  The deaths suddenly pile up, which seems really rushed.  The film seems to end happily, but actually ends with a dark bit...that makes no sense.  If you can't make your twist ending logical, don't bother!  Thankfully, they found time for some pathos.  The End.

You can't climb high enough to escape this film!  The plot is alright, but feels a bit silly.  The characters go climbing and exploring on a path that turns out to be closed.  Thanks for taking them, idiot guy who dies first! I have to wonder about the logic here, by the way.  This path is closed...but there is no sign or fence blocking it.  I also have to wonder why there's not a guard here, since the ending implies that hundreds of people die in the area!  The problem here is that the characters are not good.  On top of making a horror film with a cast of six people (one of whom is the killer), they make me not care about any of the deaths.  The characters are jerks for the most part, show brief stints of humanity and suddenly become assholes again.  Pick a character!  Nothing about this movie really stands out, which is the big problem.  It's not really terrible, it's just kind of...well, there.  Bear in mind that I watched this on Streaming (as with all of these), so it was only available Dubbed.  Do the Subtitles and original script make it better?  Maybe.

Up next, Spain gets their turn this week.  Unfortunately, their film is about Paintball...seriously.  Stay tuned...

Lost in Translation: Jaws (AGAIN!)

Jaws got a shit ton of bad posters from other countries.  This is no exception...

...um, that shark isn't that big.  Isn't Jaws supposed to be like 40-feet long?  I'm also wondering about the physics and logic here...

Next up, the French cover the film adaptation of a classic book.  Don't worry- it still has a giant monster.  Stay tuned...

Instant Foreign: Harpoon- Whale Watching Massacre

Welcome to the party, Iceland!  With so many films making slasher and zombie films over the last few decades, it's a wonder that it took the guys so long.  When Greece has beaten you to the party (see 2005's Evil), something is wrong.  Hell, the Dutch did it with The Sinful Dwarf long ago!  So what is their big push into the market?  It's...a Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip-off.  As a bonus, it features the most famous guy from that film.  What, you couldn't get Tobe Hooper to Produce it while you were at it?!?  Essentially, a group of tourists end up in a bad situation and get attacked by some crazed, Icelandic whalers.  It's a multi-ethnic cast, which could either be a good thing or a very bad thing.  On one hand, it could show that they're being inclusive (ironic, given their sister country- Greenland!).  On the other hand, they could just fill the movie with cliche stereotypes that offend everyone.  Which one is it?  Hide you Greenpeace signs as we try to dodge the...

The plot involves a group of tourists going on a whale watching tour.  Before that, however, we get a cameo by an Icelandic rock band in a club.  I don't know who they are, but I just thought that I should mention it.  They go on the boat, but only after some drama about whether or not one of the women can get on the boat in time.  SPOILER Alert: she does.  Their Captain is Gunnar Hansen, a man so important that he gets above-the-title billing on the poster.  His role involves...um, wearing a sweater.  I'm sure that this gets better eventually...

The group consists of a group of random characters and racial/gender stereotypes.  We've got a bickering Japanese couple, their subservient assistant, a trio of assertive, German women, our two Final Girls, a black dude and a French-ish guy.  As a bonus, there are two workers on the boat.  One of them decides to rape one of the Final Girls because...um, he likes empowerment, I guess.  Unfortunately, an accident occurs and the Captain is indisposed.  Say good-bye to the 'lead actor'- thirty minutes in!  They get picked up by some people after a lot of random cutaways to people complaining about whaling restrictions and Greenpeace.  This can't end badly can it?  Oh wait...

Yeah, these people want you to die.  It's all because you...um, exist and aren't whalers.  How dare you!

Gee, he's swimming away.  I wonder what's going to happen here...

After a lot of padding, wandering around and characters acting like assholes, just about everybody dies.  I hope you don't like happy endings...or coherence.  As a bonus, Orca shows up to...well, do nothing really.  You give me a character who gets burned alive, but survives the rest of the movie...yet the whale is shot in a scene so dark that I can't tell what's going on?  You'll probably not guess which of the main characters survives either.  Here's a hint- she's a terrible person!  The End.

It took you this long to make...this movie?  The plot of the film is alright, but the pacing is a bit random.  Screenplay 101 says that you set up the events of the plot in the first fifteen minutes.  This film decides to take an entire half hour to do this.  It is nearly an hour before they even get to the boat for the main sequence/draw of the film!  It was clearly so important to have scenes like the girl being raped, the quasi-French guy being a moron and the German women being offended by the Japanese husband.  The thing is that most of this is build-up that has no impact on the final product.  The only one that actually matters is the Japanese husband and wife sub-plot & that just sort of ends abruptly.  The appeal of this movie is the gore and the killing.  In that regard, it is pretty strong.  Mind you, you do wait a while to see any of it.  It's a shame that this movie wasn't paced better or more consistent.  As it is, I'm hesitant to recommend this to everyone.  I know a lot of you will forgive the problems that I had with it (or chalk it up to 'setting up atmosphere'), so you may still like it.  As it is, it's the only Icelandic slasher film that I'm aware of.  That should count for something.

Next up, the French take their turn with their own TCM rip-off.  It's like The Descent...but in reverse.  Stay tuned...

VHS For The Win: House 3

After the odd debacle that was House 2: The Second Story, how would the series continue?  Why with an unrelated film, of course...

Oh shit- flying hand!  I especially like how they are trying to connect this film to both 'Friday the 13th' (see the top text) and Nightmare on Elm Street series' (see tag-line).  Nice!

Next up, the final House film...so far.  Will we wrap up with a bang or a whimper?  Stay tuned...

Instant Foreign: Jade Warrior

A Finnish man walks into a Chinese epic and...wait, what?  That's the basic premise of this bizarre, Finnish/Chinese production.  I mean, what is going on here?  Essentially, a guy from Finland thought that he was a good martial-artist and wanted to make a movie showing that.  There are worse reasons to make a movie, I suppose.  The problem is that this whole thing is silly, slow-paced and convoluted.  For all of you who thought that the 'how the Matrix works' explanation from Matrix: Reloaded was confusing, you haven't seen anything yet!  If you thought that the entire plot of Izo was confusing,...well, it is.  This one is also weird and confusing though.  Oh yeah, the whole plot involves a giant metal box and a similarity between two words from two different stories.  To solve the riddle, polish up this...

The film begins with some people out in the snow that decide to shoot a wolf.  Don't worry, it will live...with that arrow through it's neck!  We are abruptly thrown into the present day in a plot involving a woman selling some metal to a scrap salesman.  It was made by her boyfriend, who is apparently a blacksmith- just not a good one.  The guy from the shop tracks him down and...asks for some hair from his head.  I don't know- just go with it.  It all involves him trying to open some sort of magic box that contains...something.  He hires our hero to build stuff for him, but he has the audacity to interrupt the guy's suicide attempt to do so.  Somehow, the guy ends up in, well, The Matrix and gets his ass kicked by the middle-aged guy.  In the other plot, our hero (the same guy, but with black hair) abandons his mission to kill the last son of an evil witch in exchange for 'living one day as a normal man.'  In reality, he abandons his mission entirely to make eyes at some lady.  Wow, you're a great hero!

This confusing plot continues to get odder and odder.  Our hero continues his romance with the woman from the village and continues to ignore his duty.  Due to lazy screenwriting, we are never told how long he is actually there.  Who cares about facts?!?  In the real world, our hero is hired by the ass-kicking Finnish man to build...something.  He is pretty vague about the whole thing, both to the blacksmith and the audience.  It has something to do with the story in the past, as well as the mysterious object that is mentioned in both stories.  All we know is that our hero is not that good at crafting metal.  What does he need to improve?  It's quite simple- he has to get along with the metal.  No, really.  The only high-point of this movie so far is an over-the-top fight/flirt session between our hero and the girl.  Even that is just okay.  We're almost home, folks!

All of the film so far has been building up to two things- the reveal of what's in the magic box and the fight in the past between our hero and the witch's son.  Unfortunately, both climaxes are silly and, well, a bit of a letdown.  The box contains some sort of evil energy that shoots out into the sky and is supposed to be sinister.  When your effect makes me think of The Wizard of Oz's anniversary, it's not that sinister!  The other moment comes down to our hero facing off with the villain, the bad guy giving a speech and subsequently being decapitated without a fight.  How pointless.  In the present day, we get a showdown between the blacksmith and the middle-aged guy, who is the vessel for the beheaded guy...I think.  They don't say that implicitly, but I think that's what's happening.  Despite being hit in the face with a hammer several times, our hero doesn't die and manages to win the fight.  In the past, our hero learns that the guy we saw at the very beginning was the long-lost fiancee of our hero's girl, so he feels bad...for some reason.  He goes off into the snow and dies, while the blond version of him lives happily ever after.  Okay then.  The End.

What the hell was that?!?  The plot of this movie is all over the map- literally and figuratively!  It's bad enough that we have a plot split between two characters, but it also involves two different countries, Eras of human history and languages.  It would be easier to follow if one of them was a fly and the other was Godzilla!  Aside from this problem, the plot you can actually follow either makes no sense, has no purpose or is just dull.  I never thought that I'd see a Finnish Wuxia film, let alone one that is so freaking dull!  How did they mess this thing up?  I didn't expect this movie to necessarily be good, but I did expect it to be a glorious train wreck.  Sadly, this film is just not interesting.  I was not expecting this movie to turn out this bad.  I guess I'll have to wait until the next Finnish Wuxia film to see if this sub-sub-genre can be salvaged.

Next up, Iceland treats us to a unique horror film.  By 'unique,' of course, I mean that it's a TCM rip-off...with whalers.  Stay tuned...

Killer Mammal Week: Blood Monkey

Don't you know you've got to shock the monkey?!?  To close out Killer Mammal Week, I bring you a film from Maneater Series.  Ironically, the series' logo (see below) is taken from the cover of Welcome to the Jungle, a film that is not part of that series (and is actually a rip-off of Cannibal Holocaust).  This series is just a bunch of 'animals kill people for various reasons' movies that don't actually relate in any way.  It's kind of like calling all of the slasher films from the 1980s the Stabbing Series!  So what is the film about?  Essentially, 'Salieri' takes a bunch of students out to find a rare breed of monkey...that kills.  As a low-budget, Direct-to-DVD film, you pretty much know what you're getting here.  However, the movie has one devious trick up its sleeve.  Curious?  Read on as we prepare to avoid being pissed on by the...

The film begins with some random people in the jungle.  They are trying to catch a mysterious ape at the behest of 'Salieri'/Castro.  Unfortunately, they are The Characters Who Die At the Beginning of the Movie, so they...die at the beginning of the movie.  After that, 'Castalieri' decides that this is not the end!  To that non-end, he brings in a bunch of students, tells them very little about what's going on and tosses them in the jungle with him.  Our cast includes the usual stock characters like Jock Guy, Nerd Girl, Final Girl and Nerdy Guy.  They are about as one-dimensional is that.  The only character with depth is 'Salietro' and his Asian assistant.  Is he crazy?  Is she?  Are they sleeping together?  You really want to know, don't you?  Instead of focusing on that, the movie just has them wandering around.  Oh yeah, they haven't shown the apes yet.

Tensions heat up and questions are raised.  For example, 'Castrieri' tells them that nobody has been there before, but there is a camp already built...and deserted.  One of the girls says that she wants to leave, so the henchwoman grabs her during the night, drags her away from camp and leaves her to be killed by the titular monsters.  That's a harsh response when a simple 'no' would have sufficed!  Also, what was the point of 'feeding' the apes?  The group wander about more and question whether or not F. Murray Abraham is crazy. The guy carries an M-16 with him at all times, so yeah, he might not be.  Still not apes, by the way...

The high point of the film comes when the apes (off-screen) piss all over the tents our heroes are in, which they think is the rain.  No, really.  As a bonus, the apes bring an ironic context to the 'don't piss on my head and tell me that it's raining!'  More of the group get picked off by the apes due to flash editing and a cameraman who refuses to show the action.  Thanks for that.  The group gets whittled down to just our Final Girl and Jock Guy, who try to flee back to the plane.  You do remember how you climbed down a cliff to get here right?  The film veers into Cannibal Holocaust territory (finally, the Maneater Series logo makes sense!) as our two heroes wander through a cave and film the whole thing.  After 80 minutes of build-up, we get...ten seconds of a CG ape seconds before the end credits.  Ugh.  The End.

Why do I bother?  The plot of this movie honestly had potential, but the execution sucked!  The idea of super-smart, killer apes is goofy...but it could work.  Unfortunately, they decided/realized that they couldn't show the apes & improvised.  As such, we are left to be scared by the idea of the apes.  That's interesting, I guess, but the whole movie is designed to make you want to see the apes!  They build them up, even showing a skull at one point to demonstrate how they are differently-evolved.  Of course, the final result contradicts that, as the ape appears to be pretty average.  Evolutionary-Marvel, my ass!  Quite frankly, the apes aren't even that smart- the people are just dumb.  They go into the ape's environment, wander around aimlessly and never cover their tracks.  I'm pretty sure that I could have picked these guys off one-by-one!  The bottom line- this movie is a giant tease.  On top of that, what they finally show sucks!  I have to simply ask this- why, F. Murray- why?!?

Up next, Instant Foreign Week begins with a Finnish film (for real this time!).  The plot involves kung-fu, time-travel and a magic box.  Stay tuned...