Rare Flix: The Monster at Camp Sunshine

You know, I really hate and really like Something Weird Video.  On one hand, they have a library of films that appeal to my ridiculous ass in theory, but so many of them just suck.  A porn version of Little Shop of Horrors, you say?  I'd pay to see that and I'm sure that...it's boring as shit and just painful to watch.  A religious propaganda film in which a man turns into a turkey monster that drinks druggies' blood, huh?  There's no way that the film could be...boring as well and even more painful.  I suppose you probably figured it out already, but this double-feature DVD review comes courtesy of Something Weird Video.  Again, I love that they have films like The Sex Lives of the Three Musketeers preserved, but I really don't need to see it.  Same goes for porn versions of the Tarzan films.  In this case, I'm talking about the second film in the Nudist Camp Horror set- The Monster at Camp Sunshine.  Unlike the previous film, this movie is an even bigger excuse to show nudity.  However, it has even more strikes against it.  For one thing, it's a 'Theme Comedy.'  Those are films like Forbidden Zone or the ____ Movie films.  This one was apparently-designed to be like a silent film.  Why?  Who the hell knows?!?  All it serves is to further annoy me and waste my time.  Is there something to salvage here?  Get out your stock footage collection for my review of...

Unlike Beast, this movie does not rush to get to the nudist camp.  Instead, it spends the first twenty minutes telling the tales of some models and some scientists.  These two plots will eventually coincide...eventually.  In the meantime, one of the models has an issue with taking her clothes off for the camera.  I wonder what could help you get over this problem?  In the other plot, we learn that some scientists have been making some sort of drug.  Feh.  I don't really care about this shit, so let's just move on to what matters...

Naked people!  The movie finally gets to it's gimmick and...does nothing with it.  The combination of this movie being in black & white, having no dialog (instead- it's just title cards) and silly music makes everything seem so bland.  Basically, the women walk around naked and...that's it.  I hope you like this for three to five minutes straight.  On second thought, this movie could be worse.  I just wish that I had more to talk about here...

Right around the hour mark, we finally get a monster.  Basically, it's the fat grounds keeper at the nudist camp. He drinks some water from a lake where the formula made by the scientists got dumped.  It's all silly and makes no sense.  After watching a woman disrobe, he...steps in a bear trap and runs off.  You suck!  Eventually he confronts the group, causing them to flee and call the authorities.  In a really forced bit, the cops speed to the scene as soon as they learn that the danger is at a Nudist Camp.  Too obvious, guys.  They attack the monster with...a truck-load of stock footage.  They throw in WWII footage, police charging and knights on horseback!  This is ridiculous!  The monster is finally killed and the movie mourns him with a title card...and goes back to five minutes of nudity.  Way to keep focused, guys!

This movie sucks for a lot of reasons.  For one thing, the movie is just boring, taking its sweet time to get to the damn point.  Imagine a haunted house film that takes 1/3 of it's runtime to even get to the building and you can see the problem here.  Secondly, the lack of dialog and real music makes it even more boring.  The silent film music and title cards is not as funny as you think, guys!  I wish that you could have at least given me some real talking to make fun of!  To top it all off, this movie is British, making it all the worse that this movie is terrible.  You guys made Masterpiece Theater!  You shouldn't be the worst of the two Nudist Camp Horror Films!  Mind you, being the best Nudist Camp Horror Film is still like being the guy who can wiggle his big toe at Cripple Camp.  It sure is a crying shame that this genre died out, huh?

Up next, I begin my Week of checking some of the most esoteric film monsters ever.  First up, a film about radioactive plankton.  Stay tuned...