I could have waited another year. Last October when I switched the page to entirely horror films for that month (a change that's mostly become permanent), I narrowly decided against reviewing this film, as well as The Last Horror Movie. I still haven't bitten the bullet on that one yet, by the way. However, I did see this movie and now you get to endure it alongside me. In 2002, low-budget auteur (aren't they all) Dante Thomaselli made his 'masterpiece'- a confusing mess of a film that blows its creative wad about twenty minutes into it's 70-minute runtime. The film tells the conjoined tales of a group of 'teens' who just broke out of a drug treatment facility and a 'religious' family that is doing weird, sacrificial work to their daughter. When these two stories careen together, the real film begins...and just sort of meanders to the finish. It is, however, a contender for Weirdest Stunt-Casting in Horror Film History. Who does it star? The Amazing Kreskin. For those of you who don't know who Johnny Carson is, this man was a hypnotist and over-all stage performer. Apparently, he was in high-demand in 2002 and took this acting gig. Fun fact: in 2009, Kreskin did a stunt where he would prove that UFOs exist or he'd give $50,000 to charity. When none showed up, he claimed that they came by after the cameras left, hence he wouldn't pay. Nice guy, huh? Get out your inexplicable zombies for my review of...
* A horny couple from the teen group get separated after the guy throws up blood on her. He wanders off and gets killed by zombies. By the way, there are zombies here.
* The girl from the duo goes into the attic and gets killed by something I don't recall. It must have been interesting.
* The remainder wander around for a bit, while we get random dreams and shit.
* Kreskin spends nearly ten minutes on a group hypnosis session that adds nothing. This is apparently all real though, assuming you believe the Producers.
* The lead girl gets killed by zombies in the woods, but they can't afford a death scene, so she just sort of gets surrounded and dies. Hurray.
* In the end, we see via a flashback that Pastor Kreskin (not his name) gave the guy the drugs, setting this whole thing up. Hurray- it's over!