Tromatic: Class of Nuke 'Em High 2

After the longest 90 minutes of my life that was Class of Nuke 'Em High, you had to know that I was not looking forward to this one.  Sure enough, this one did not exactly exceed my expectations either.  I will give them credit for trying something new, as opposed to just putting a new group of actors on the same set.  Bear in mind that they 'destroyed' that set though, so I might just be giving them too much credit.  This film was the break-out role for Brick Bronsky- yes, that Brick Bronsky.  His first actual role was in Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD, a film I actually kind of enjoy.  The sequel to Nuke 'Em High introduces a brand new lead in Brick and tweaks the story a bit.  Instead of just being about radioactive waste, it is about mutants.  Sadly, these are the kind that have another set of mouths on their bellies and not the ones that shoot lasers.  I guess the series' laser quota was filled last movie!  Just to be different, this film begins with bad shit going down and tells 95% of the story in flashback.  Now that this film is trying to be arty in one regard, it's guaranteed to be shit for the rest.  Am I wrong?  Find out in my review of...

As I said, the film begins with bad shit going down.  A giant, radioactive squirrel is stomping around the campus and smashing things.  I know someone who might actually want to see this movie based on that last sentence, but the rest of this will sway him to my side.  Our hero (Brick) is carrying out a young woman he loves, although the fact that green shit is coming out of her mouth is a bad sign.  He explains that he's Roger Smith, a reporter for the school newspaper (despite looking about 35).  By the way, the school is now called the Troma Institute of Technology- anybody laughing?  After a few minutes of that, we're thrown into what happened to set all of this up.  The story involves a female scientist with a Marge Simpson haircut trying to create a new race of creatures called Subhumanoids.  These look just like humans, save for an extra mouth in place of their belly button.  This only serves any purpose in Part 3, although that's being generous.  It's pretty much just here for the sight gags that ensue.  She has succeeded, although the creatures are not stable and are being used for menial labor.  On top of that, a group of thugs named the Squirrels (a sad substitute for the Cretins) are making life miserable for people that aren't like them (read: fat and ugly).  Brick, meanwhile, is a failure with the ladies- despite the fact that he clearly inhales steroids- and signs up for a 'study' being done by the doctor.  Will he find true love there?

Well, it's not so much a study as it is the doctor having random guys go into a room and have sex with a subhumanoid.  Roger falls for the female, since apparently women hate him.  He pines over her for a while before finding her in the cafeteria.  Since he's a reporter, he's constantly stopping to record things that he sees on his tape recorder.  Thank you, flimsy pretense for having a narrator!  They fall for each other instantly in a montage that was funnier in Naked Gun and 'make whoopie.'  The whole time, he never manages to see or touch the extra mouth on her stomach.  No wonder women don't like you- you skip foreplay!  Anyhow, the Subhumanoids on campus are having a slight problem: they're melting down.  This angers the scientist's boss, who is a big, bearded guy with a voice like Tiny Tim- why not?!?  She works desperately on the cure, which gives the movie plenty of excuses to show random 'test subject' woman topless.  I'd complain, but I don't exactly expect subtlety from Troma.  Roger witnesses one of the subtitle events at a basketball game, where the movie reinforces their T.I.T. joke again.  Thank you again for thinking that I'm stupid, movie.  Our hero gives the story to his editor, who appears to be a part-time hooker, but he rejects it for being real and not trashy enough.  Yes, yes, I get it.

Obviously, based on the beginning of the film, you know that things don't get any better.  When Dean Okra finds out about how rampant the meltdowns are becoming and that our lady scientist is growing a conscience, he turns on her and kidnaps her, alongside Roger's lady.  Our hero is aided in an unexpected manner from a melted-down Subhumanoid who had just killed his Editor.  As it turns out, they devolve into little green heads that talk in British accents...for some reason.  Our hero gives a 'rousing' speech and gets the cast of random extras to charge into the base with him.  Inside, one of the scientist's random, claymation mutants kills Dean Okra, finally putting an end to that god-awful voice!  Unfortunately, a squirrel wanders into a lunch pail full of radioactive waste and grows gigantic by way of editing and forced perspective.  Moving the camera further back on a hill is not a special effects shot!  In the building, Roger saves his lady, but she's in the process of melting down.  Outside, he runs into the lady scientist and she gives him the antidote.  The squirrel continues it rampage until a helicopter flies in with a giant acorn to draw it away.  The End.

Everything about this movie is a chore to deal with.  The acting is the usual level of bad that you get in Troma films.  The story is just stupid, especially with the ridiculous idea of making it all a flashback!  The special effects are...well, what do you think?  You get bad puppetry on the Subhumanoid mouths, a cheesy-looking squirrel smashing a city straight out of a bad Toho film and flying heads on strings.  The worst part: I didn't even address half of the random shit in this movie.  There are the numerous jokes about this being a sequel, plus a really bad joke involving Toxie walking onto the set.  That could have been funny if they had actually made a joke there at some point.  It's just 'hey, there's Toxie' and 'bye, Toxie.'  Why do I even have to write about this?!?  Like all of these Troma films, the movie insists that it is funny by way of constantly making the same stupid jokes over and over again.  Repetition is not what makes comedy- it's actual jokes!  Incidentally, I have to address Brick's haircut here.  It's a military buzzcut on one side, combed over like a wave towards the other and he has a ponytail.  Can you please pick a haircut?  I know that this was practically the 1980s, but that's no excuse!

Finally, I finish up the trilogy with the third film.  I won't tell you if it's bad or not, but I will tell you that Brick plays three roles!  Stay tuned...