Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Quadrilogy: Wishmaster 4- The Prophecy Fulfilled

March and this series both come to a close today, so let's get this over with.  With Wishmaster 3, some schmuck named Chris Angel (not the magic guy) took over.  The man has a total of 8 works to his credit as a Director (counting these films), but over three dozen as an Editor.  Not to sway your opinion early, but nearly all of those for DVD Special Features such as 'The Story of Hudson Hawk' and 'The Folk Art of Scrapbooking.'  So yeah, after doing these two films, that's what he turned to and still does to this day.  Oh and he was also the Editor for Ancient Warriors, which is a slightly-lower gig still.  What drove him to this level of mediocrity?  Find out in my review of...
The film begins with a sad attempt to trick you into thinking that you're watching the first one again.  Think I'm exaggerating?  Why else would they make their opening title card split up (one saying 'Wishmaster' and the other saying 'The Prophecy Fulfilled?'  Oh and they also re-use that bit of opening narration by Angus Scrimm, only with fire blasting behind it this time.  Subtle, movie.  Oh right, the story.  A young couple goes to a new house they bought and has slightly R-Rated sex.  Giving us a pointless shot of your heroine's breasts within three minutes- classy.  After this, they fade to three years later and we find the couple still together...sort of.  You see, something happened in the time-skip and our male lead is now paralyzed.  I told you not to go riding with Christopher Reeves!  Yes, I do feel bad for that joke.  The woman is going to meet with their tall, dark and handsome lawyer, who tries to make a pass at her.  His plan involves giving her a music box that has, you guessed it, the ugly, red gem in it.  She breaks it, the Djinn kills the lawyer and takes over his form.  Way to reuse the transformation effect from Wishmaster 3, guys!
I feel dumb having to even explain this to you, but here goes.  The Djinn needs 'the freer' to make three wishes in order for him and his people to take over the world.  Seriously, guys, even Michael Meyers went after different people in the family line besides the sister!  Trying his best to make the change incredibly obvious (she still doesn't figure it out), the Djinn acts completely different when she sees him the next day.  He tricks her into making a wish, but does it in the worst way possible.  You see, the husband is paralyzed due to a motorcycle accident and they're waiting to get paid.  He makes the man cut his nose, ears and face-off before he sends in the forms to settle.  Just a note: that would not be legally-binding.  Also, make note of how his nose remains on his body in the shot after it's 'cut off.'  The husband is mopey and emo since he feels like she doesn't love him and merely pities him.  Meanwhile, she goes three years without any sex, so I'd say he's a bit wrong.  At dinner with the lawyer, a woman gets caught in an off-hand wish to be kissed.  Random guys grab her and get all 'Al Gore' on her.  In a funny note, two women kiss her as well, but do it with all the passion that someone saves for their grandmother.  You can't be too taboo, huh movie?  A second wish is granted restoring the husband's ability to walk.  Oddly, he's still an emo jerk.  Prick.
Things get all emotional and dramatic with the couple, so let's skip it.  The gist of it is this: he thinks that she loves the lawyer/Djinn, but she really loves him.  In a moment of weakness, however, the woman makes an off-hand wish to be able to love the lawyer for who he really is.  This causes him to get all sappy, but still sort of evil towards everyone else.  They introduce another new element: the hunter.  He's there to stop the third wish from being granted, but dies in only his third scene.  Thanks for nothing, plot thread!  The genie refuses to grant the third wish, which pisses off his Djinn cousins (another new addition).  After he kills the woman's friend for no good reason, he picks a fight or two with the husband and kills a bouncer for no reason.  In a twisted note, he turns a man into a pimple on a stripper's ass after he indirectly wishes for it.  In this film, everyone says 'I wish,' which sounds really awkward.  After a freaky dream of being raped by the Djinn, the creature finally reveals his intentions.  He screws with her for a while and chases her, but ultimately corners her.  He allows the husband to wish for a sword to kill him with, which ultimately backfires on him.  The husband is stabbed, but the Djinn gets shoved into the exposed blade sticking out of his torso.  Everyone is dead, save for our heroine and the day is saved.  Hurray?
This movie is most assuredly not good.  The plot is silly and very over-dramatic.  The whole lost love and tragic marriage thing is wrung out for every ounce of pity.  It's all a bit ridiculous for a movie about a killer genie and angels coming out of statues to save the Earth.  In many ways, it's like the 'parent's death' sub-plot from Wishmaster or the 'I was in an accident' sub-plot from Wishmaster 3.  However, in those films, it serves no purpose and is ignored for most of the film.  This time, there's no escaping this crap!  It's all very maudlin and forgettable.  They re-use a lot of the same crap from the first film, including the oddly-gray suit for the Djinn.  Seriously, why did they change the suit?  I get that maybe they didn't own the old one, but you can copy it.  Did they buy the film license, but not the suit license or something?  It's another dumb, distracting thing in a movie full of them.  There are some good moments in here, but it's not enough to make the film bearable.  The DVD is full of extra crap that serves no purpose, which is a fitting thing for this bad movie.
Next up, I need to escape this crappy, horror series and get something better.  I wish for a completely different movie than the usual!  Stay tuned...

1 comment:

  1. AKA Wishmaster: Even I Couldnt Watch This Honkey Bull Crap

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