Project Terrible 7: Episode 50

It's a big old pile of stupid ideas!  Thanks to Bob (at Gaming Creatively), I have this Found-Footage, Ghost movie made Direct-to-DVD?  Why?  Because I gave him one- The Amityville Haunting- in the last Round.  To be fair, I only gave it to him because it was an Asylum film...which doesn't really make it better, I know.  So what is the movie about?  Basically, two groups of people looking for Ghosts go to a building and...shit happens.  It's all supposed to be part of a bigger plot that unravels and you go 'Oh, that all makese sense.'  In reality, it's stupid...but also pretty forgettable.  It ups the ante for 'Boring movie, ridiculous ending' from films like Paranormal Activity 3 and The Last Exorcism (which has a sequel coming out...the hell?), which is extra silly here.  The film is low-budget and struggles to be part of the Found Footage sub-genre.  If you've ever watched one and said 'Why were they filming this?', you'll have a field day with this one.  It one ups the 'three angles for a Laundry Room' bit from Bryan Loves You.  Even the core concept of the film falls apart by the end- bonus.  To find out if this film is truly Terrible, read on...

The first 17 MINUTES of the film are taken up by a fake 'episode' (oddly short show, huh?) of Paranormal Investigators and the basic set-up scenes.  After that, we get...

 ...the scene that every Found Footage film begins with.  I'd say that this was clever, but this Intro sets up nothing that couldn't be added in dialogue later.  FAIL!

Our heroes go to the Haunted Hospital (a silly, but better title)...only to find another group there too.  That's right- it's a Ghost Hunting Face-Off!

In all seriousness, it's a plot point that there's a Pro-Christian 'Prove that Ghosts Exist, Therefore Heaven Exists' Group.  No, really.

The middle portion of this movie is slow, slow, slow!  The teams walk around, interviews are inter-spliced (implying that this never-seen Episode was Edited) and they see that Ghosts have laid out dead bees in a window sill.

No, I'm not making that last part up.

The ACA Team (the Christian one) has the lead girl walk around blindfolded (don't ask) and try to talk to ghosts.  She dies a violent death, so you can decide how well that went.

Randomly, the 'footage' cuts to a stationary camera...on the ground that sees a Ghost Nurse.  Nobody ever actually see this though.  What.  was.  the.  point?!?

Oh and this whole thing turns out to be...a complete and utter tease.  I'll spade you some SPOILERS on it.

Without saying too much, I will say that the film breaks the Cardinal Rule of this Sub-Genre: they leave the building.  Yeah, they just go- quite easily, I might add.

It all involves a runaway ghost and...this B-Roll that was clearly shot by the show.  You know, from their invisible helicopter.

If you don't want to know how silly this movie ends, skip this next caption and wrap-up.  SPOILERS below...

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Our heroes chase the ghost to a Prison and see it...trying to open a Portal to Hell.  No, really.  They do that 'cut the feed before explaining the Ending' thing from The Last Exorcism and the film proper wraps up with a sick man crying.  The End.

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Yeah, that happened.  Aside from the random, bat-shit ending, this movie is kind of dull and pointless.  They spend a lot of time setting up the evil Nurse Ghost and have her attack a woman and...nothing really happens.  When you know what the plot really is, this seems even sillier.  To spare those avoiding SPOILERS, I will say this about the Ending- how does it make sense?  You know, at all?!?  Granted- three people die, but they do prove their point- ghosts exist.  They prove it pretty damn definitively, in fact!  Watch any promo for Fact or Faked or Destination Truth.  Now watch an episode (or read a summary).  Don't worry- I'll be here.  Notice what happens?  NOTHING!  Hell, Ghost Hunters- which inspired this movie's fake show- can only do 'I felt a ghost' or 'Did you hear that voice on the EVP?' for a pay-off.  Consider what happens at the ending of this 'Episode' and ask yourself 'Would Syfy not air this?'  Seriously, they would show it and sell the footage to every news outlet IN THE WORLD!!!  You could have made this one of those 'They died and we never found the footage...until now' plots and this might have worked...if they had actually killed everyone.  About three people die in this movie, so it doesn't really even work on that level.  If you want a good, Found Footage movie, watch Cannibal Holocaust.  If you want to see a silly-ass ending to a Found Footage movie, watch The Last Exorcism.  I guess you can watch this too, silly ghost claws and all...

Next up, a look at a wacky Japanese film about Aliens and Guns.  That doesn't narrow it down much, I know.  Stay tuned...