Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Top Ten Worst Films of 2017 (That I Reviewed)

As always, there's one big caveat- no Review, no make List.  I'm sorry if something you hate doesn't make it.

2017 was a great year for Films.  Someone is always there to try and ruin it.

Let's see who did their part this year...

Honorable Mention: Ghost in the Shell.  It's only here because I forgot to include it originally.

10. Justice League: This is not the Marvel Fanboy in me talking.  This is the guy who's waited for something like this for his entire life.  The Film suffers from tonal whiplash, iffy Special Effects and a Story with giant chunks removed for time.  It is not bad enough to be higher on this list, but it is also not good enough to stay off of this list.

9. Roger Corman's Death Race 2050: After many Decades, this a Remake. It isn't terrible, but it is oh so uninspired. Good Casting, but nothing to do. Oh well.

8. The Dark Tower: A fairly-competent Action Film that is supposed to be so much more.  Having read none of the Books, the Story made no sense and was just hollow.  Fans of the Book didn't much care for it either.  On top of all that, there was apparently a talking raccoon in the Book and he's not in the Film!

7. The Mummy: This was supposed to start a whole Universe?  The Film is a tonal mish-mash (jumping from Horror to Action to Comedy every 2 minutes) and just feels forced.  Iron Man this is not.

6. American Mummy: Not the only Mummy Film you'll see here. This isn't a knock-off, but the naming sure is. This is much more of an Evil Dead knock-off than anything else. Again- not terrible, but underwhelming.

5. Kingsman- The Golden Circle: If the first one was like sweet candy, then this one is a Circus Peanut.  It is technically candy (just like this is technically a fun Film), but it is just...not the same.  Characters are just written out haphazardly, others are brought back in silly ways and the whole thing feels both too familiar and too different.  Plus, Elton John- really?!?

4. Netflix's Death Note: How do you mess up a Story that has worked so many times?  You have to rush the Story, change it in many bad ways and then ruin pretty much every Character.  It is so disappointing that Willem Dafoe can't save it.

3. The Fate of the Furious: Comedian Frankie Boyle sums this up for me- 'I don't want input from a Country that has made 8 Fast & Furious Films.'  This one is just ridiculous and so over-the-top that it 'broke' CinemaSins' scale.  With no stakes (save for one mistreated lady), this is all just some 8 year olds power fantasy.  Just go to Space already!

2. The Bye-Bye Man: So bad that I nearly forgot to include.  Don't think it.  Don't say it.  Don't remember it.  This one is both relentlessly-bleak and majorly neutered to reach PG-13.  It has both the bleak idea of someone being run over by a train and yet also makes it bloodless, taking pretty much all impact away.

1. Batman and Harley Quinn: This is a personal pick for me. I love Batman: The Animated Series. I really like most of the DC Animated Films with Batman (until recently). I likes Bruce Timm.

With that said, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL F**K is this?!? It's a dumb, raunchy Comedy with fart jokes, penis jokes and TWO superfluous Musical Numbers to help the 'Film' reach 60 minutes. Throw in a double-whammy of anti-climaxes and...I hate this Movie so much.

Love my picks?  Hate them?  Leave a comment.  I feed on internet disdain.

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