Lock Me Up!: Attack From Beneath (aka Atlantic Rim)

Holy lawsuit, Batman!  The Asylum is back with some seriously-lazy shit.  Today's film is Attack From Beneath (on DVD) or Atlantic Rim (every other format).  For some reason, they changed the title for the DVD Release (most likely a lawsuit threat), but didn't change the name of the film on their page.  How does that work again?  Does Guillermo Del Toro not care if you sell the movie via Streaming/On Demand?  Odd.  So yeah, this is The Asylum's version of Pacific Rim.  According to Wikipedia, the Budget for the film was $500,000.  In contrast, Pacific had a Budget of $190 million.  Translation: The Asylum made a film for 1/380th of the mainstream film's Budget.  Hot damn!  Fun Fact: This film was almost shot in my home State of Florida, but denied permission when someone read the script.  Score one point for Florida!  The film is about some monsters that come from the Ocean and...well, do I have to tell you this?  Whether you saw the film or not, you at least know what the film is about.  What you want to know is what's different (besides the Production values, of course).  To find out what I got for $1.99 (R.I.P. Blockbuster), read on...

After a surprisingly-long set-up, a leaking Oil Rig- was the BP Oil Spill still topical in 2013?- and sub are attacked by a sea monster.

Somehow, nobody knows that this happened.  How far from the shore was this Rig- 10,000 miles?!?

This Admiral is informed of what happened and convinced to use Project: Armada.

Oh and he never breaks from this expression.  Ever.  Not even for a second.

Armada is apparently a project designed around making three giant robots and training just three people to fly/walk them.  The plan is to dump them in the Ocean to investigate the disappearance.I have so, so many questions.

1. Why?
2. How did they do this in secret?
3. How do you transport three giant robots in secret?
4. What were these originally designed for?
5. Why do they walk so damn slow in this last shot?

After 'dicking around' on the bottom of the Ocean, the trio of robots run across a monster.  One of them follows it to land, disobeying orders and protocol.

Pacific Rim this is is not- at least quality-wise.

Our hero- Chokachi- gets locked up (in a small room that was probably also the film's Cafeteria), but also given a Medal.  Mixed message, much?

Unfortunately for us, another creature shows up...and it is the exact same one.  Yeah, they made one creature model and that's it.

This guy- who I'll dub Obviously-Evil Guy- complains about how things are done at all times.  He does miss the obvious point: Why are the three Pilots for your giant Robots not around?  I get that one of them is locked up, but the other two?

Fortunately, the Military has a Stealth Bomber and just dumps about 2,000 bombs on the creature within a second.  Why would you stack those things so close together?  How heavy must that plane be?  How silly is this?!?

Naturally, we have one more creature- after an Act Break that sets up nothing- and now our Robots are *finally* going to fight it together.  Oh and these are just Dinosaurs and not interdimensional giants.  Bummer.

Chokachi gets side-tracked when Obviously-Evil Guy launches a Nuke at NYC.  He flies out to stop it?  Why does this feel familiar?  Hmm...

I wouldn't dare SPOIL this super-silly climax.  Instead, I'll give you this random shot of the War Room featuring Radar Grids, Maps and...CNN's Reliable Sources.  Um...what?  The End.

Oh wow, this is...just wow.  The Asylum tends to make one of two films.  One- boring films that just waste alot of potential.  Just check out stuff like 8213: Gacy House, Monster or Alien Origin.  Two- they make films that turn out to be worthwhile, if only because they are either surprisingly-decent or just plain hilarious.  For that, check out stuff like Bram Stoker's Dracula's Curse (confusing possessive tense aside), Ballistica or The 7 Adventures of Sinbad.  This film mostly falls into the latter category.  The whole thing is low-budget (by any Hollywood standard) and really feels like it.  Big Stars- David Chokachi, Graham Greene and Treach.  Wow.  They made three Robots, but they're really just the same model with slight color tweaks.  I get it- you don't have alot of money.  I won't hold your Budget against you.  I will, however, hold the fact that you are still trying to make a comparable film with said Budget.  Don't.  Just don't.  Seriously, just stop it.  Atlantic Rim aka Attack From Beneath aka Attack From The Atlantic Rim is funnier than it should be, because it is just as bad as you think it will be.  Let this face say it all...

Next up, while it is still Winter, why not go out in the snow.  Unfortunately, this Nordic film does almost nothing new.  Stay tuned...