Saturday, October 12, 2013

New Movies (That I Didn't Bother to Review Officially)

It may surprise you, but I watch films that I don't actually review.

Yeah, I know.  So here's a quick review for some of them.
The Last Exorcism, Part II: This one...should have, could have been better.  I didn't exactly love the original, but I wasn't going to hold it against this one.  The problem: lots of slow, slow build-up.  It wasn't good build-up either.  It was an awkward mix of 'someone says something weird' and 'random jump scare' moment.  I hate those.

On the plus side, the film's not Found Footage anymore.  On the negative side, it's a slow, convoluted mess.  Oh and the 'Found Footage' is now 'leaked YouTube footage' in the film universe (apparently leaked by said cult).  It's weird.  I give it 2.5 Suddenly Bearded Ghost Dads out of 666.
After Earth: Not a terrible film.  It *really* thinks that it is a fancy, Art Film though.  They do that stupid thing where they don't just TELL you the whole character's back-story up front, they spread it out with a bunch of flashbacks.  It's not clever.  It's annoying.

Oh and Jaden Smith...just no.  You make Will Smith using 'Take a knee' as a catch-phrase (no, really) look good.  Just no, Jaden Smith.  I give it 4 TWEESTS!!! out of 17.
World War Z: A real exercise in how to make a good concept suck.  Let's make this clear: this is not World War Z.  Max Brooks' book is the story of an Earth overrun by Zombies and trying to survive.  The film is about Brad Pitt going to foreign places and then everything going awry.  Brad Pitt equals bad luck!

The film just spoils any fun or excitement in lieu of constant set-piece action moments.  It has no soul.  I give it 2 Deadly Diseases out of 38.
Gravity: I just saw this one today, so it's a bit more fresh.  For what it wants to be, it's quite good.  It is all about making you feel Sandra Bullock's plight as she floats around in Space.  That said, there's really nothing more to it.

George Clooney is great, while Bullock pretty much just reacts in fright.  I give it 8 Tethers out of 29.
Hatchet III: Wow, I just did not care about this one.  Like World War Z, they made a good idea not interesting.  Victor Crowley is STILL killing people in big, bloody fashion.  The reason: um...murder.  There are people I like and people I don't like in the film.  I just didn't like the film.

On the plus side, they used non-CG Gore.  On the negative side, everything else.  I give it 3 Asian Triplets out of 73.
Oblivion: Well, it's better than After Earth.  The movie has the feel of one of those weird and arty Sci-Fi Films from the 1970s.  The film does take some weird side-paths as it starts to explain everything.  It's...weird.

I can't say a whole lot about this one.  Not great, not bad.  A pretty and weird film.  I give it 7 double-paydays out of 40.6.
Scary Movie 5: Ouch.  The Scary Movie Franchise is a strange creature.  Started as a Parody of Scream (which is pretty much now a Parody of itself), sold to the Zucker Brothers and continued by one of them, it's hard to be sure what it is.  It's 'plot' is a combination parody of Mama, Paranormal Activity 2 (not 3 or 4), the Evil Dead Remake, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Sinister and Black Swan.

Do I need to say any more?  I give it 1 Birth Tuba out of Alot More Than 1(Pick Your Own Number).

So that's my take on some recent Theatrical/DVD Releases.  Do you feel differently?  If so, leave a comment and whatnot.

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